Ive posted my situation before but ill quickly post it again because i have more questions.
My H and I have been married almost 2yrs been together 5, he is 27 im 24. A month ago my husband lost his job. About a week after that he started hanging out with this girl he use to work with. Well his hanging out turned into spending everyday there and not coming home till 3 or 4 in the morning. When i questioned him about this he said he was sorry to hurt me but he has feelings for her and she has feelings for him. I did the usual cry, beg, plead, call all the time routine. This only pushed him, now he doesnt come home till 730am, i see him for about an hour a day if that. About two weeks ago, he text messaged me while I was at work and said we were over and he wanted a divorce and that I had to make arrangments to go back to PA(thats where my family is). He has been my transportation to and from work because i dont have my license.. well he told me i had to start finding my own way to work and such because he was no longer going to be available to take me. He has hurt me so much through this and yet I still want to make this work. The only time he wants to talk to me is when I am at work and it is via a text message. He has yet to say anything about a divorce to my face. He is not actively searching for a job that I know of. He said I brought this divorce upon myself because of i said a few nasty things to this girl. He has told his friends he wants a dissoultion, however that is not what i want obviously.
Now my question is... could this be considered a quarter life crisis and why wont he just talk to me? Ive read DR and I think I need to do the LRT. I have already started putting it to use. I dont call him or initate any convos. If he wants to talk i let him start it. I dont beg, plead, cry or nag him.. i let him do his own thing. I have started going out more with my friends and having a good time. Just this past friday I went out and H was home when i was getting ready and he asked if i was going out and where i was going. I just told him I didnt know where I was going (I really didnt know, lol) then he said well I hope you have fun. That was the last time he talked to me.
He has taken off his ring and I have it. I have not taken mine off, should I? He also took me off as his number one friend on myspace and put her as his number one and me at number 12, however it still says he is married. Im so confused by his actions... I just want this all to be a bad dream and end soon so him and I can get our lives back on track and be happily married. He has told me he hasnt slept with her, but that was before he said he wanted a divorce. I dont know if i will ever be able to forgive him if he has slept with her because we were both virgins when we got married so to me that is something special we share.
Sorry this is so long. Thanks for the advice! How long do you think this will last and do you think its possible for me to get him back? Thats all I want is him back.
I'm so sorry you find yourself here, but you're in a good place (accepting that the situation isn't ideal). There's a LOT of great support and advice on these boards. I'm so sorry to hear about the OW in your sitch. That sucks and I really feel for you.
You've read DR, which is great. You're right that you need to be implementing the LRT. Also, act AS IF when you see your H. No more crying, looking sad and giving a hint of upset when you speak/see each other. Just happy, smiling Cindy. I know it's hard, so come here and vent whenever you need to. You're at the beginning of a journey which is a real rollercoaster, but you sound very strong from your post. You're going to make it.
Your H is of an age to be having a QLC. Are there other symptoms that suggest this is what's going on? Either way, I don't think it would affect your DB strategy. I believe my H is QLC. He's 28.
In relation to your questions, whether you wear your ring or not is up to you. If you're standing for your M, then continuing to wear it sends out a signal. On the other hand, if you'd rather have it off for yourself, do that. The main thing is not to keep it on or take it off to provoke a reaction from your H.
It IS possible for you to get your H back. Work on yourself, and DB as well as you can. Come here when you need help and advice, and read the success stories in the resources sections both on this board, and the main newcomers/resources section.
How did you resolve your travelling to work situation, BTW?
L.xx
PS> I saw that you have 2 threads here. Try if you can to stick to just the one- it helps people follow your situation more easily and will get your more responses too.
I'm so sorry you find yourself here, but you're in a good place (accepting that the situation isn't ideal). There's a LOT of great support and advice on these boards. I'm so sorry to hear about the OW in your sitch. That sucks and I really feel for you.
You've read DR, which is great. You're right that you need to be implementing the LRT. Also, act AS IF when you see your H. No more crying, looking sad and giving a hint of upset when you speak/see each other. Just happy, smiling Cindy. I know it's hard, so come here and vent whenever you need to. You're at the beginning of a journey which is a real rollercoaster, but you sound very strong from your post. You're going to make it.
Your H is of an age to be having a QLC. Are there other symptoms that suggest this is what's going on? Either way, I don't think it would affect your DB strategy. I believe my H is QLC. He's 28.
In relation to your questions, whether you wear your ring or not is up to you. If you're standing for your M, then continuing to wear it sends out a signal. On the other hand, if you'd rather have it off for yourself, do that. The main thing is not to keep it on or take it off to provoke a reaction from your H.
It IS possible for you to get your H back. Work on yourself, and DB as well as you can. Come here when you need help and advice, and read the success stories in the resources sections both on this board, and the main newcomers/resources section.
How did you resolve your travelling to work situation, BTW?
L.xx
PS> I saw that you have 2 threads here. Try if you can to stick to just the one- it helps people follow your situation more easily and will get your more responses too.
Hi thank you for the response. I have some really good friends at work that have pulled together and have been giving me rides.
