Ive posted my situation before but ill quickly post it again because i have more questions.
My H and I have been married almost 2yrs been together 5, he is 27 im 24. A month ago my husband lost his job. About a week after that he started hanging out with this girl he use to work with. Well his hanging out turned into spending everyday there and not coming home till 3 or 4 in the morning. When i questioned him about this he said he was sorry to hurt me but he has feelings for her and she has feelings for him. I did the usual cry, beg, plead, call all the time routine. This only pushed him, now he doesnt come home till 730am, i see him for about an hour a day if that. About two weeks ago, he text messaged me while I was at work and said we were over and he wanted a divorce and that I had to make arrangments to go back to PA(thats where my family is). He has been my transportation to and from work because i dont have my license.. well he told me i had to start finding my own way to work and such because he was no longer going to be available to take me. He has hurt me so much through this and yet I still want to make this work. The only time he wants to talk to me is when I am at work and it is via a text message. He has yet to say anything about a divorce to my face. He is not actively searching for a job that I know of. He said I brought this divorce upon myself because of i said a few nasty things to this girl. He has told his friends he wants a dissoultion, however that is not what i want obviously.
Now my question is... could this be considered a quarter life crisis and why wont he just talk to me? Ive read DR and I think I need to do the LRT. I have already started putting it to use. I dont call him or initate any convos. If he wants to talk i let him start it. I dont beg, plead, cry or nag him.. i let him do his own thing. I have started going out more with my friends and having a good time. Just this past friday I went out and H was home when i was getting ready and he asked if i was going out and where i was going. I just told him I didnt know where I was going (I really didnt know, lol) then he said well I hope you have fun. That was the last time he talked to me.
He has taken off his ring and I have it. I have not taken mine off, should I? He also took me off as his number one friend on myspace and put her as his number one and me at number 12, however it still says he is married. Im so confused by his actions... I just want this all to be a bad dream and end soon so him and I can get our lives back on track and be happily married. He has told me he hasnt slept with her, but that was before he said he wanted a divorce. I dont know if i will ever be able to forgive him if he has slept with her because we were both virgins when we got married so to me that is something special we share.
Cindy, What I can tell you is that men who are depressed and do not have a handle on their emotions can sometimes do exactly what your H is doing: losing himself in a new relationship that he believes will fix him. It won't. He might be on a new "high" that alleviates the negative feelings that losing his job brought about. Now he's going to push you out of the way to make room for what he thinks will be a great new life. I don't tend to label these situations anymore. Call them what you want: QLC, MLC, identity crisis. It doesn't matter, because even if you label it, that doesn't mean there exists a step-by-step precision to follow in order to save the relationship. Everyone is different. Don't take your ring off unless you wish to; totally up to you. Best bet is the standard: don't beg or plead, because that never works. State your boundaries. If he is pushing for a divorce, make an appt. to see a lawyer to find out what your legal rights are. It doesn't mean you have to agree to a divorce at all, but you do need to be smart and protect yourself. He is likely to do and say things you wouldn't expect. Hang in there.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
