Papers signed...so what?

[Diehard]

During my separation My WAW said that "dont want you to get your hopes up" thing more times than I can remember. And each time I replied just like you (big lie). Do the 180s, maintain PMA, work on self, GAL, be their BEST FRIEND, and pray. I can't stress those last two enough, because I believe they contributed the most to my success. God Bless, Ken

[JenInVen]

Hi Ken

Thanks for stopping by! Your story is an inspiration.

I'm trying to be his best friend and it's good because he wants to be friends with me. I'm lucky because he's around quite a bit which is a great opportunity to "show" him who I'm becoming. The PMA is a bit hard but I know it's so important.

This coming weekend is a great chance for us. I hope I can pull it off and really start him thinking about his choice to leave and file.

Jen

[addie]

Hi Jen, this weekend will be a great opportunity for you to DB.
Be upbeat, no R talks, bite your tongue. You can do it - Good luck!!! I'll be praying for you.

[JenInVen]

Thanks Addie. I'll do my best!

Jen

[JenInVen]

Update/journaling

H brought D home last night and stayed with her and I arrived around 8:45pm. He was watching TV in the bedroom and was surprised because I was early. I expected him to shoot out the door as soon as I came in like he's done in the past. But he didn't! He stayed and watched the season finale of a show with me. We both lay on the bed like old times and watched the show.

He was a bit distant and quiet but he was also very tired. We didn't speak about anything serious but that's fine. I asked him what he has planned for when his cousin is visiting. Not much else.

I think it was a positive baby step because he's normally been waiting for me to arrive so he could leave but last night he stuck around.

In Spanish we say "poco a poco" (little by little)

Jen

[JenInVen]

I haven't called him today although I did send a text because I need him to watch D until I get home tonight.

I'm doing my best not to make the first move to call or text. I especially don't want to be a pain since tomorrow his cousin arrives and he's staying in the apt the weekend. I want to show him what it would be like if he returned. But no expectations from me.

Jen

[W2G]

Do more 180's like the metro Jen. Steps like that prove that you don't need him any more. And you don't. You just want him! There is a big difference!

Hugs,
W2G

[addie]

It's great H didn't leave right away when you got home and he actually lay on the bed with you watching TV. Very positive babystep.
Yes - "poco a poco".

[TwinDad]

Jen,

Sounds like some positive steps. Keep up the good work! Little by little wins the race. I would continue to show your independence. This is one of the things that first attracted me to my wife...I viewed her as independent and had her act together. It is a very attractive trait to have

[JenInVen]

Thanks W2G, Addie TD

Well, I won't get a chance to DB with H IN the apartment: His cousins are going to stay at a hotel for two nights and then with H's parents the other two. Oh well.

I have been thinking about what it would take for H to come home. And he actually spelled it out last night. It's amazing but my H is my DB coach! LOL

1. give him space
2. be happy without him
3. go on with life
4. don't ask questions I don't want to know the answers to
5. enjoy my visit to see my family and don't even think about him.

He actually told me last night that he has thought about coming home but he wants to do it for the right reasons. That if he comes back he wants it to be because he loves me not because he feels he has to come home.

I can do this right? It seems to be laid out in black and white for me. There are no guarentees that he will return but the goal is so reachable.

Jen