I have a question for those of you that are WAW. Is it as emotionally difficult for you as it is for the LBS. This whole thing has got me very confused. For the past 6 months we have been teetering on the edge of separating and now we are as of last night. Through this time, I have yet to see my wife shed a tear and we get along great. I on the other hand am an emotional basket case (particularly in the morning) and try not to show it (mainly because it seems to push her further away). She talks about the separation like she is going to make a grocery list. Just curious to have an opinion from the "other side"
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
Glad you came aboard. I was almost a WAW, but I decided to stay in my M. I has been a very hard year for me, but I won't get off into all of that now.
Have you read Michelle's article here on the board about the WAW? It is very insightful for H's.
It depends on a lot of things why the WAW decides to leave her R with her H and maybe even her kids. The more you can tell us, the more we can try to help. We need to know the age of you and your W and how long you've been together and if any kids, etc.
WAW's don't just wake up one day and decide they are leaving. It is a process that has been building over a period of time and perhaps she has even been blinded to a certain degree. Not every time is OM involved, but in most cases here on the DB board, the LBS discovers that OP is involved in the W's decision to leave. Sometimes, it is MLC that drives her to seek happiness that she feels she was robbed of years before. There are so many different things and yet it seems that WAW's do have something in common. So, I encourage you to post often and tell us your story.
If you do not get very much response here.....go over to the newcomers forum b/c there is more traffic of posters there.
Take care and hope to hear from you again.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Hi, this is so hard to answer. Everybody handles & shows their emotions differently. In my opinion, when a wife gets to the point of walking away, she's beyond emotions. She may have already gone through the frustration, sadness, anger, grief, hopelessness, & despair. She's accepted that there's nothing she can do to make her marriage what she NEEDS it to be.
In some cases, she's tried anything & everything & nothing seems to work.
In my case, when I gave my H the letter that said I was done, I went numb. No emotion. Nothing. He was a wreck. He started losing weight, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. Couldn't hardly function. I was on auto-pilot.
But, this is one couple, one sitch, everybody is different. Take care.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
hi, In my case it was not safe for me to share emotions with him by the point I left (he had anger issues & was a verbal abuser). As sandi & smartcookie point out, we (the WAS) have been through the range of emotions that being rejected and not having our needs met over the years brings.
Some (I repeat some) of our grieving over the ending of a relationship has already occurred by the time we actually leave. Mine was severe enough that I lost 30 lbs in 3 months. He took that as a sign I was having an affair, that I was lying when I denied it, and the verbal abuse became even worse.
It's not that I didn't feel terrible pain over hurting my family or shame over not being able to keep a marriage together, but I got really really good at hiding what I was really feeling behind lots of walls of thick bricks.
As I have found out though.. the walls I kept up so he could not see what I was feeling, also kept out some of what he wanted me to feel, both good & bad. A catch-22.
It may be different for those leaving for what they perceive as greener pastures with another person. I had no plan other than to get out of what had become an intolerable situation for me and my kids.
But yes... I felt things, awful things, both in the marriage and leaving it.
I wish you peace
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
I am a WAW and like others, I did not show my emotions to my H, either. It would have just added more fuel to his anger to be used against me later. But, I am miserable, and it has been/is very hard on me. I still very much love my H, however I have done, warned, and tried to bring the issues we have to my H's attention with much failure. And there doesn't have to be some OM to make this kind of decision happen either.
