Maybe Last Thread in Separating, Found DB 2 Late

[houndfan]

Well, now you know... I think we all have to make it to this undefined point of... I can't even describe it. Essentially it is that point of enlightenment that you know what can become of your life. Divorce is the only "real" option that our S see in their mess. And as I have said all along, we too need to see that as an option and play from that angle.

I think that you have reclaimed some of yourself in your recent posts. It is to be determined if you have reclaimed your marriage but I can assure you that once I got to that point in my S that I was planning and preparing for D the tide seemed to change slightly at first and the very dramatically.

Once I accepted the most possible outcome of my sitch that outcome became more unlikely. Read back to some of the exchanges that you and I have had and some that I have had with others on the board and I think you will see the pattern.

In your case, me thinks that you needed to "give back" to H. Accept that you may have been critical etc. Well you gave, right? You changed, you did what you said you were going to do and the outcome changed little. So, acceptace of the outcome is where you are. Convos with the Lawyer, etc etc. He will see your actions not as concession of defeat if you will but he too will see that you have made the steps to prepare your life.

I am rambling here, but end of the day acceptance of the most likely outcome of our situations is really step 1 in any of this. Me thinks that you have blown down the dam and will see some progress.

Remember just prior to our breakthrough W was assaulting me with the vacuum and told me very matter of factly that it was over and I was no longer welcome in our home... I moved home for good 3 weeks later...

Accept the most likely outcome of your situation and prepare with that outcome in mind, it may change, it may not....

Good luck!

[cw68]

I know he won't see them as concessions of defeat, you are so right on the mark there. I do feel that now is the real deal, that all that has become before this was like a rehearsal. Hopefully I know my character well and it is just become my second nature.

H just came and picked up the kids. Greeted me with a tight hug. He hung around for a little (the kids and I were picking cherries when he arrived) and when they left I asked if he wanted help with his things; he said no. He had the card in his hands.

The kids almost cried after fighting over who carried which suitcase. We hugged goodbye and I tried my best to keep it together. When H hugged me goodbye, a few tears slipped from my eyes. It was appropriately sad and not crazy, angry sad so I don't think it mattered, even though we are supposed to act like we're together and happy 24/7. Luckily I will see them in 14 hours, not like I'm counting or anything!

I guess for real I am now preparing for the worst and hoping for the best.

[cw68]

Spoke to the kids tonight. D6 thought the apartment was "boring" while S5 thought it was "really fun." Made me laugh. I know that S5 was really, really missing his Dad.

Asked to speak with H before I got off so I could confirm what time he'd drop the kids off in the morning. Told him the house was really empty without the kids here. It really, really is. Asked him if he read my card, which he did and said thanks for the really nice note. I told him I just wanted to know in case he was afraid to read it thinking it was some big hairy deal. My D6 told me Dad was going to sleep on the couch tonight. It's really a small loveseat. So I mentioned it to H, his response, "Yeah, going to rough it until I figure it out." or something to that affect. Old me would have used this as an opportunity to say something like, "Well, there's an easy solution to that." or "You don't have to do that, you have a house here waiting for you." or even, "You have a bed here." But I didn't. In fact, I have a new twin and trundle coming here and H knows it, but I didn't mention anything about bringing one of the extra twin beds over there.

Keep your distance CW!

[MichelleLT]

Hang in there.

You are doing good work here.

Have a good day.

(((cw)))

[cw68]

H stuck around for 20 minutes or so this morning after dropping off the kids and came back for another 10 after walking D6 to school. It was like Sunday never happened in terms of the groove. He hugs me hello and goodbye. We talk. Blah blah blah. I have to make a conscious effort to make changes. Like he left and was switching from car to motorcycle. I had the front door open to let in some cool morning air but when I walked by and saw him changing, I closed it. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him turn and watch. Before I would have just left it open, but I have to start closing off to him more and more. If he changes directions, so be it, but I'm preparing that he's not.

H had a horrible sleep last night because the loveseat isn't suitable for sleeping. He ended up in bed with the kids. Turns out D6 told him she'd sleep on the loveseat and he wouldn't let her. So badly I wanted to recommend that he take one of the twin trudles, or at least a mattress which he could keep under the queen bed, but didn't. All I asked is if he wanted me to send D6's sleeping bag along (in case he had changed his mind about her sleeping on the sofa). He said he might pick his sleeping bag up tonight.

So, nice life you have there H. I hope you really, really dislike it. Not in a mean way, of course, but life wasn't that bad here at all. In fact, life was good. Our relationship we can make what we want, but...

[cw68]

Having a really hard time motivating today, and it's not because it's already 95 degrees here. As I said, I really am collected about my sitch, but I'm just dragging. I need to get myself to the gym. Went to go to it last night and ended up eating at Applebee's! I don't understand it. I hate Applebee's and had an, as expected, sub-par meal. Felt horrible afterwards and still couldn't motivate to go work out. Did do about 30 minutes of yoga and read before bed.

Yesterday I had all these plans in my head about rearranging furniture, painting rooms, etc. and I can't even put away the laundry. OK, I'm off to work out. Hopefully this will pull me out of my lull.

[Kalni]

Start slow. What I did and still do is I buy fresh flowers every Friday and enjoy them in the weekend that I stay in more. And H always looks at them when he comes to pick up the kids...

[cw68]

Kalni, that is a most excellent idea! I have flowers on the kitchen island from Mother's Day and I made little bouquets for my kids' teachers this week (it's teacher appreciation week) and I really enjoyed it. I made them herbal bouquets with flowers from my dill, cilantro, sage, salvia and parsley with a little rosemary thrown in. They made me smile. I'm going to get flowers every weekend I'm without the kids. I'll go to a farmer's market or something. Excellent idea!!

I just worked out, feel better. Now I'm going to go pick cherries. The tree is just full of plump, dark red berries. The next few days will be consumed with picking and pitting. Wish it wasn't canning time when the weather decides to hit 100. I might just be making freezer jam instead of real cherry jam or jelly...

[MichelleLT]

Have a good workout.

I also have days where it is hard to get going. The stress and emotions really do weigh on us some days.

(((cw))) Hang in there. I love Kalni's idea of fresh flowers. Just do something for yourself.

[MichelleLT]

Glad you had a good workout.

Cherries sound yummy.

I'm sure you can make cherry ice cream or something cold too!