I was thinking about how much JA harasses you by calling to talk to the boys. Maybe he should get them a cell phone, just for him to call them on and that is where he is allowed to call unless an emergency. I know he's not one to EVER follow rules but maybe the novelty of it the kids will want to use it and talk to him.
Did you hear Fantasia sing or whatever she was doing? Did you see Simon's and Paula's faces at the end? They both had a look of like "what in the world was that?" LOL
Hi Shades! I was thinking of telling him to get them a cell phone but then I thought about how many times he would be calling them on it and that would probably drive them nuts! But thanks for the idea!
I am going to catch up on your thread when I get back from my yoga class. Hugs and smooches to you!
I have a question for you, where is OW while H is spending so much time calling and harassing you all the time?
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
im not gonna say he is making headway or OW is less but he sure is spinning, but its clear in his warped take on life his boys outrank ow. He is begining to see the ramifications of his choices, and its scaring him. Your 180 has yanked the rug out from under his feet. Hes not on solid ground and he knows it. His desperation comes across in his wacky txts and emails....and the frequency of them. You stay the course and dont budge a centimeter! JA is sinking fast and trying to take you with him. was he pleasant to you?
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
He had grand plans for his new life and they did not include any of the realities he has come to see. They usually don't and most of us have witnessed this.
It is nice when they can be civil for moments, but it should not be confused with them becoming "normal". They can't handle normal. Normal is life outside the tunnel. It scared them. They ran from it and are alien to it. Some of them will simply choose a life in the tunnel as they feel they have control there.
Being civil may just be a learned behavior from him that you can be thankful for, or occasionally encourage. It would make dealing with him more tolerable. But ... do not give up control of your boundaries. Do not let him think his moments of civility eliminate the need for boundaries. Instead, civility should simply be an expected behavior that is maintained around the kids and enjoyed by both of you. But he probably will act out every time he is reminded of what is in your control now, and not his.
As history repeats itself OW will see his life in the tunnel for what it is and loose interest in it. Sooner or later he will be challenged to live outside the tunnel, and he will rebel. Not your problem. People living in the tunnel are no prize to anyone.
