Real life's getting more like fiction each day (2)

[Starshyne]

I was surprised to see that my thread has locked. I thought I stil had at least a few more pages to go on it.

I did not contact H in any way yesterday and he hasn't contacted me. He also didn't come and get the laundry that I told him Saturday I would have on the porch for him. I am still checking his bank account activities online. I see that he is running out of money.

I was really missing him last night. And I still miss him today. I know this will get easier, but right now things are hard for me. I am holding up well, but I just miss the man I fell in love with.

Today I am going on a field trip with the 2nd graders to the Missouri Botanical Gardens. Hopefully the winds and rains have stopped for the day and we can have a nice time. Won't be near a computer all day, so I will "see" you guys later this evening.

Sara

[MichelleLT]

The field trip sounds like a great distraction from the stress. I hope the weather and kids cooperate.

It will get easier.

You have to let him fend for himself. He's gonna have to face the consequences of his actions and you can't protect him from them anymore. (((Sara))) Hang in there.

[Starshyne]

The field trip was nice. The weather was beautiful and the kids really enjoyed it. It was a difficult time for me. I kept remember the last time I was there with my H and all of the fun things we did. It was almost some sort of a flash back thing. I would see something there and suddenly I would vividly remember us doing something. It just made me feel sad, and I kept try to shake it away. I know that my H would love to go there right now and then I start thinking of him taking someone else there and I just get myself all sad. I know I need to stop that type of thinking, but it is just so hard.

I left H a text message today of "Have a great day!" I didn't get anything back from him, so I guess I need to stop leaving these messages and just stop talking to him.

Have I mentioned that I hate this? I do. This has to be the single most awful thing that I have ever endured. I know that there has to be a rainbow out there somewhere in this storm, but right now I can't see it through all of the grey clouds.

Sara

[MichelleLT]

It's okay to dip a toe in every once in a while and test the waters, but he needs time to miss you first. Give it time. Reality will hit him. I'm sure he's not enjoying this, so let him deal with it for a week or two.

(((Sara)))
I am glad the field trip was fun. It's always hard when you have those memories, but cherish the good memories, you will always have them no matter what the future holds for you.

It does get easier. It really does.

[Snow White]

Hey Sara, I am glad the field trip was nice, I had a similar experience to you in that in an attempt to GAL I took my daughter to Great Wolf Lodge the week that H moved out. It was very difficult thinking about what he was missing and what it was like to be there as a family.

This is likely the hardest thing you have ever edured, but you are doing it, and you are making it through everyday, going to work and being there for those kids. Think of that as a positive, it is horrible and I'm still here! Everything else will be easy after living throught this :-).

Have I mentioned I hate it too, so much. But I do love that there are people on here to talk to that understand and empathize.

[klm]

Sara I think you are doing great. I know it is hard. I think it is probably the hardest thing most of us have done. I know it is the hardest thing I have ever been through.

The time passes by so slow too. That is why it is important to stay busy. Idle time is not good the imagination right now.

Michelle is right, let him miss you. I know my sitch is different but I went about 2 and 1/2 months without seeing H and there was minimal contact...then he called out of the blue because he had driven here. He didn't forget about me during that time like I thought...instead he saw what it was like without me. He was even living with OW at the time, so it obviously wasn't this perfect little relationship that I had in my mind.

I know Michelle went a while without talking to her H at all too. I am just saying that just because you haven't talked to him doesn't mean he isn't thinking about you or missing you. Let him.

I am glad you had fun today.

[Starshyne]

Thanks Kris, I think I really needed to hear that. I guess somewhere in my mind is that he is having this great time out there without me and has forgotten about me. While everything I see reminds me of something about him, I think that nothing is reminding him of me. But that can't be the case, can it? We spent just about every moment together for 7 years, so he has to be thinking of me.

I am scared that he is never going to miss me. That he is loving this new life so much that I am the last thing that crosses his mind. But I know that he has to miss me a little.

Day 2 without hearing from him. I think that is the longest I ever have been without at least talking to him. It seems longer since I really haven't talked to him as in have a real conversation since a week ago tonight.

I wonder where he is sleeping. I wonder who he is with. These things keep me awake at night.

My guitar lesson went really well. My teacher (the cute guy) says that I am doing really well. I have played the guitar for like 15 years now. I took lessons when I was in jr. high and decided when all of this went down to get back to taking lessons to learn more and get better. It is fun because I alreay knew the basics, so I am not starting from scratch. I am playing all Beatles songs because that is what I want to play. My teacher is really nice (and adorably cute and such a dedicated husband) so that helps a lot as well. Guitar has been a nice escape from all of this.

Sara

[Starshyne]

Oh I didn't mention that H's paycheck gets mailed to the house. He gets them on the 15th and the 1st (or close to those dates) so I am bound to hear from him in a few days. I am sure he wants his money.

[MichelleLT]

Finances are sometimes a good way to keep some connection while still forcing some distance and detachment so that they miss you. That will also be a chance to show him how wonderful you are and all the things he is missing out on.

My H and I didn't speak for literally a month one time, a couple weeks here and there was actually common for a few months. Now we are back in regular contact. He did miss me. But if I hadn't forced myself not to contact him for a month, he wouldn't have.

Everything does happen for a reason Sara.

You are strong and wonderful and beautiful. Hang in there. (((Sara)))

[LL44]

I left H a text message today of "Have a great day!" I didn't get anything back from him, so I guess I need to stop leaving these messages and just stop talking to him

Michelle is absolutely correct. You dipped a toe, tried it out, and didn't hear back. I would let up on the messages. I know, its hard. It was one of the hardest things for me to do. Just caught up on you situation tonight. Wow. You have had a rough weekend, but you are showing a strong front. So many time, I heard the garage door at 5am. Heartbreaking. I regret letting it happen for so long. You are doing the right thing.