My wife came over for dinner tonight and she helped me make dinner and we had a great meal as a family. After dinner and the kids went off to play, we had a great conversation. I opened it up by saying that I had been doing a lot of reading on MLC's. She said "I am too early for it aren't I"? I told her no that she seemed to be right in the midst of when ladies were having them. I told her that I understood where she was coming from and that I understood that it was coming from fear of the future and not having lived her life to the fullest. She agreed with me and we had a great conversation about what she was trying to do and the job possibilities for the future. No talk of the family, kids or R. And no condemnation or judging either. It was a pretty good time and I felt like we made a little progress. I felt a wall come down. I have no expectations but felt like progress was made. It was the first time that I said that I understood and she seemed to hear me and believe me.
Thanks for the insight here guys. It is what got me to the point where I could do this.
Sounds like a nice connection with your W. Good sign that she seems to have some openness to considering MLC, though I would be careful not to go there too much with her. My guess is that what helped here is that you were open to listening and supporting her in the conversation, which I am sure was not easy to do at some points.
It's also possible she may pull back a little bit now if she felt closer to you in that discussion, so just be aware that that is normal if it occurs.
Guess who came over for dinner again tonight and is showing lots of affection to her kids and is laughing and joking a lot with me? Guess who also brought a few hundred dollars of groceries with her. Yep, you guessed it. We are becoming friends again and it is nice. I must truly tell you all that what I have learned here and from DBing is the key to it all. The main reason is because I have no expectations and am just enjoying each day for what they bring.
Thanks for the help and insight guys and gals. I do not expect my wife back. But I like today a lot better than last week and last month ect.
I am from my old mindset. I don't have any expectations of my wife. I really don't think she will ever come back adn I don't know that I would be able to do it either. But we are getting along and being friends and she is acting like a loving mother towards her kids. This situation makes me very happy given where we were not too long ago.
It is great to hear this...another (substantial) baby step for your W., and a good approach you are taking with it. Good work, and keep noting the things that you are doing that seem to support this kind of increased connection with your W.
Jay, I am in a very similiar sitch. Friends with W now. As she realized that I am a friend, we actually meet for dinner together alone. Conversation is on friendship basis. No talk of R. No stress. I don't know if we will get back together but, we certainly increased the chances dramatically. It took almost a year to get to this. This friendship also kept her from pursuing any OM. She still has me. Continue your process.
Me 54 W 54 S 29 S 27 S 24 M 32 bomb 5/07 MO: 8/07 D 7/09 dating W W wants back 4/10
