Hi, I am recently separated and just felt the need to blog to those in my same shoes....so here it is:
Family Vacation
Family Vacation, what an interesting phrase for a common event. My wife and I separated yesterday May 6th. It was a very surreal experience. Up till that day we had been sleeping in the same bed, talking frequently and enjoying the time with our kids (almost 3 year old twins). The main thing leading us down the road of separation is I want to work on our marriage and when asked why she doesn’t she says “you have to want to”.
So with the sale of our house and the quitting of the Nanny at about the same time we were left with a two week period of not having any childcare. We decided that I would take them on a little vacation for a week at the beach and she would take the next week off and have them with her as she moved into her new place. Up until a couple weeks before that we were actually talking about taking a vacation as a family.
So here I am on a “Family Vacation” with a pair of almost three year olds at a nice condo on the beach. I of course love my children dearly and have no problem taking care of them, though the dynamic is quite different as a single parent on a trip. One can’t run into the store quickly. If one has to be taken to the bathroom then both need to come along, etc. None of this is a big deal…it just means things take a little longer and you need to have more patience.
The most difficult part, is not having your spouse there to enjoy the fun moments of the vacation. When the kids do something new or something silly. To have someone there to share in those experiences that has the same love for the children as you do. I must admit, I did not see this coming at all. I have never had any trouble taking care of the twins by myself and am of course enjoying spending time with the kids. What I didn’t anticipate was just how much more fun the joyous moments are when you have someone to share them with. It makes the difference between a good vacation and a great one.
It made me sad for my wife who could not be there to see the pure excitement of our kids playing by the pool for a couple of hours, or seeing an airplane museum yesterday, or something as simple as the excitement we shared as they watched E.T. for the first time tonight as we all hung out on the pull out sleeper bed.
Today I looked around and saw so many families, including extended families, enjoying their vacations and I wondered if they took for granted the extra joy of being able to enjoy the vacation as a family. Right now our family is broken and thus can’t experience the full joy of a “Family Vacation”
This whole thing is just sad to me...thanks for lending me your ear.
TwinDad
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
we all take things for granted 'til we loose them.
Yes, I am about to take my first vac. without stbx, and I know things will be different, hopefully I'll be able to round up other people to go with me, if not, I will make it my mission to have fun. I totally hear you about sharing the kids' antics with another, but as this road might be a long one, decide to make each day count and not torture yourself about what a "real" family is supposed to be. Make it so that one day you look back and see that you enjoyed the time with the twins to the max with or without your W, the days with toddlers/preschoolers are long but the years short.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I hear you TwinDad. I'm just now coming to the end of my first week solo with the kids. I have always considered myself a good dad, never have an issue with taking care of them and love them dearly. The week was hectic, but only a little more than it would be with both of us in the house. The typical after work drill is pick them up from school, get a snack in them, get them to activity, get them home, make dinner, do homework, get them to bed. The most leisure time we've had was Monday night after dinner when we went for a walk around the block.
You are correct that it is that much more rewarding when you have someone to share it with.
Tonight we actually talked for a bit this evening. She said she was lonely and missed the kids...of corse it would have been too much to say she missed me. She is in a hotel room alone tonight while I am with the kids. I think Wednesday morning must have been an interesting experience for her.....it would have been the first time she woke up in the morning without someone else there and since we were staying with her Mom she would have seen the kids toddler beds empty at the foot of hers.
Tonight I felt sorry for her not being able to experience the joy of what our children are doing on this vacation....I could hear it in her voice. And despite thinking that "she wanted this" I still felt sorrow for her. I plan to continue having a great time with the kids.....tomorrow is pancake breakfast, more pool time and then maybe mini golf in the afternoon (not sure how 3 year olds do with this, but we will find out :-) ) I won't see my missus until Sunday when we meet up with Mother's Day Lunch with her family.
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
