And so it begins....

[one_light]

Well said.

KMS, thank you for your kind support.

FIB, thank you for the kick in the as*

I'm in need of a bit of both.

[fb2]

Hi O_L, I'm looking at the date ... this is the time you need support the most! I think its natural to feel devastated after trying your best and not getting the results you hoped for. I think ultimately the other person is at least 50% responsible to make things work out no matter how hard we beat ourselves up for our won shortcomings. I still don't think D is the way to go for most of the problems here just as murder is not the way to go for someone who may have wronged you. But we can't control others' free will - they will still murder, cheat or file D.

[AZdoc68]

One:

I understand, buddy, and was there too. I felt EXACTLY like you do right now and, although I am farther along than you are, I freely confess that I still do feel those same emotions on occaision.

Give her what she wants...1) you have no choice anyway and 2) "what you resist, persists". It sucks, I know...

Tell her that you care about her enough to sacrifice your wants for hers. Agree with everything she says (no matter how one-sided and unfair it is). Listen, affirm that you understand, and do not push or even suggest ANYTHING she doesn't bring up first. Go dark and find happiness within yourself and your life without her. Don't let her drag you into a fight and do not defend yourself...just agree.

If she sees you happy and confident, she may develop 2nd thoughts. MAY...no guarentees and it will take a long time for her to "poke her head out" in the best of circumstances.

I'm sorry, really I am. WAWs are in an "all about me" place and only SHE can decide that the grass is not so green on the other side of the fence. Yes, you feel powerless and helpless to change things between you two and you really are. All you can do is make yourself the type of man she fell for in the first place; the rest is up to her and God.

I'm so sorry...your story strikes close to home.

[fb2]

Hi O_L, How are you?

[one_light]

Hey yall,

Well…. it's done. I am divorced. I am single. My angel, my baby, my shining light of beauty, hope, and all things wonderful is gone. I am numb.

We gave’em a show outside the courtroom. We walked out and we hugged. She was crying, I was crying. She kept saying “you’re going to be better now, you’re going to be better”. I took her head in my hands, kissed her lips, turned around and walked away.

Done. I don’t think it has really hit me yet. I’m sure you all understand the idea that this separation is only temporary. That I am simply away on business or she has taken a long vacation to the moon or whatever. That if I can only wait it out; if I can only endure, then we will once again be reunited.

I have to accept now that such a thing is never going to happen. She doesn’t love me anymore. Oh she loves me dearly of course, but, not as husband and wife. I am trying very hard to think of things in terms of beginnings instead of endings. I simply can not believe that she in no longer going to be in my future. Her future is now going to be with somebody else.

I miss her so much. I miss her everyday. I think of her every night I go to bed and every morning I wake. She doesn’t miss me. So what now. Quit my job and move to Panama, that’s what. I wanted the one thing. I can not have that thing. I’m damn sure going to have the other thing.

I have lost weight and hair. I look like hell. I feel like hell.

It appears my self pity has no bounds. Sorry for whining.

[one_light]

ALSO... Our aniversary is coming up on the 17th. Where do yall weigh in on that?

[faithisbelieving]

Time to party.

Seriously, it's time to move on with your life. You know...as well as I do...that wallowing will get you know where. Get Gray's book on Mars and Venus, Starting Over. Grieve. Forgive her. Move on.

Time to work on yourself and refind life. Find your invincible summer. FIB

[one_light]

I've noticed people sharing helpful song lyrics. I was listening to some old vinyl and stumbled across an old gem. I heard if for the first time all over again. God bless Kris Kristofferson...

Maybe you bought all the lines that she told you

Maybe they tore you apart

Maybe she shrugged off your finest emotions

Carelessly walked on your heart

Life ain't for sissies and you ain't no sissy, boy

And only the strongest survive

Bad love is better than no love at all

At least you know you're alive.


And just thank God you still got your feelings

And you're free to be easy and warm

But from here to the end is what matters, my friend

And you're right at the peak of your form (you 'ol bandit)

Still in the eye of the storm


Maybe you tried somethin' too hard to handle

And maybe you took you a fall

Is it true that if not for the pain that you're feelin'

It wouldn't have mattered at all?

(Tell the truth)

All there is left between living and dying

Is loving or leaving alone

You can take it or leave it, but make up your mind

Or fall on your ass on your own..






And just thank God you still got your feelings

And you're free to be easy and warm

But from here to the end is what matters, my friend

And you're right at the peak of your form (you 'ol bandit)

Still in the eye of the storm

[faithisbelieving]

One light:
Find your invincible summer

Supporting you.
FIB

[one_light]

Guilt. What about that. I’ve spent a great deal of time today reading various sitches and have come to the conclusion that most of you were wronged by your respective spouses. Most of you got the raw deal, were mistreated and/or abused to varying degrees and then took it on the chin.

As for myself… I am the culpable one.

Oh I didn’t cheat on her or beat her or anything like that. I did, however, subject her to alternating bouts of mania and depression the latter of which reached suicidal proportions. There were many arguments. Some of them were her; some of them were me. The great bulk of them were ended by her. She was the one who would have to come to me and say “I’m sorry, I don’t want to fight.” I was always glad that she did and readily accepted, but I hardly ever blinked first.

We started marriage counseling around Thanksgiving where I was subsequently diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. Sadly, she wanted the separation before my first appointment to start on meds. She had simply had enough. It just got to be too much for her. Looking back, I can’t really blame her for anything. I actually locked myself in a closet with a pistol. What wife could possibly put up with that? What wife should have to?

It is only now that I have undergone a successful drug regimen along with the natural process of DBing and self-discovery that I see how impossible to live with I really was. All I can really fault her with is not waiting around to see if the bi-polar treatment would help. I suppose she did from a distance and even recognized that I was much improved, but was past the point of caring.

So there it is. I did it. No one to blame but myself. I wish I could rant and rave about her affair, or drug use, or verbal abuse, or whatever. The truth of the matter is that I was the verbal abusive one. I was the f’ed up one. I was the one in the wrong. I systematically killed her love for me.

So how can I really blame her for leaving me?

Sorry for the rant. I have many faults but accountability isn’t one of them.