Husband says "he's done trying".....now what?

[LMJae]

Barbara,

First, I'd like to say that I agree with the others, that you should GAL(vigorous exercise does wonders - inside and out). Also, try to focus on your boys, they're hurting too. Perhaps you can try to find ways to have fun with them and take your minds off the pain (way easier said than done, I know).

Second (ready the 2x4s), I agree that your husband will definitely not appreciate you informing him of the OW's intent to "make you and your children a distant memory" in your husband's mind. HOWEVER, somewhere deep inside your "alien" resides a father, and I don't think that father would appreciate OW trying to separate him from his children. IMO he needs to know about this aspect of her personality, and the sacrifices she expects him to make for their r (small case intended). That said - I don't think you should be the one that gives him that information. Uh - this is pretty devious, but do you think he could find the printout accidentally? Even if he dismisses the information, or gets angry at you for contacting her, the seed will be planted. It just might grow to be the reason that he leaves her narcissistic butt. At the very least, he'll certainly have to work very hard to overlook any effort she makes to separate him and the boys.

I'll keep you and your boys in my thoughts and prayers. ((((hugs))))

I'm done. Let the beatings commence. :o)

LMJ

[Barbara66]

IMO he needs to know about this aspect of her personality, and the sacrifices she expects him to make for their r (small case intended). That said - I don't think you should be the one that gives him that information. Uh - this is pretty devious, but do you think he could find the printout accidentally? Even if he dismisses the information, or gets angry at you for contacting her, the seed will be planted.
LMJ

I have actually been trying to think of a way for him to find this "accidentally." The email came after H moved out. I was so upset when I read it that I instinctively deleted it after I forwarded it to my attorney. He has a hard copy, but the actual email is gone. I now have a hard copy as well. I just need to figure out how he will "accidentally" find it.

You have all given me tremendous advice and insight. THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. I appreciate being in your thoughts and prayers I too, ask everynight for all of my fellow DBers to have the strength to get through another day. I also took some advice from the MLC forum and have started reading "The Five Languages Of Love" and "Not Just Friends" Both seem very insightful. I chose to read "Languages" first. I'll let you know if either of these books are helpful to my sitch. Thanks again DBers!! You guys are my inspiration at present!

[runningoutoftime]

Hummmmm I'm wondering if it might be useful for you to contact husband in a concerned way and without blame or anger, ask him if he plans to make the kids a distant memory. If I were going through all this I might just approach my husband with this concern and ask him if he plans to do this. I might say that OW informed me that she plans to make the kids and me a "distant memory" and if that's the case, you'd like to know now so you can prepare the kids for his absense in their lives.

Add in, you are not blaming him or angry, you would just like some clarity about this so you can prepare the kids.

[Snow White]

Barbara, it was great meeting you, you are a wonderful lady and you will get through this. The network of friends you have around you seem amazing.

I was thinking I know you are going to have "the talk" either tonight or tomorrow. Mybe try to talk in terms of the family as opposed to the marriage might be less scary for him to admit that the family is something that he still cares a great deal about.

[Barbara66]

Nice meeting you too, Snowy. New name? Talk has not occurred yet. He asked me to put it off until this week. I have finished "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. I would highly recommend this book to anyone going through a marital crisis. I had a good mothers day. H bought me a flowering crab apple tree. I had asked him about a month ago "what kind of tree is that, it's really pretty." He said kids picked it out...S15 and S11 stated that Dad picked it out, they just agreed with it. Either way, I cried! Hope your mothers day was nice Snow White. You hang in there. H is bound to realize what he stands to lose sooner or later.

[Snow White]

Yes I changed my name after H became really curious about this site when he realized I was posting on it mot just reading marriage info. He knows the other name, my dad calls me that and he does too if he is feeling extremely nice.

It is nice that your H remembered that you liked that tree and then bought it for you, I think he is being a little too black and white about his feelings and he is afraid to admit what is still there between you. Just a thought.

I wonder why he put the talk off, is it also that he is realizing things aren't as black and white as he thought?

[Barbara66]

Well, let's hope. He is a very black and white person. Doesn't always acknowlege the grey areas in life. If I tell my H about this site, I may have to change my name too!!

[Barbara66]

While visiting my mother-in-law on Mother's Day (I got her a present....H didn't) She asked me about OOW. I let it slip that there was an email and she asked me about it. My mother-in-law is very angry about the email and she is contemplating contacting OOW! Wow, I'd love to hear that conversation! She told me that this would be "our little secret" as she is secretly rooting for us to get back together, even though she is harboring my fugitive H at her house and is uneasy about talking with him about his feelings.