having the confidence that the A will end

[forward]

I was reading some other advice on As and the various "types" of As.

Bits and pieces I picked up:

Most As fail within 2 years.

(Hmm, been 1 year in my sitch and seems to be going strong?)

Try to have confidence that A will end.

This has been hard for me, despite the fact that it's textbook MLC and A w/someone w/major problems to boot.

Thoughts on confidence that A will end?

I'm quite confident A will end. In some ways it seemed like a vengeance thing on his part.

Whether I will be part of H's future after that--I do not know.

[Barbara66]

I think that we have to hang on to that feeling that the A will end. I have always had a feeling that my H will come home, eventually. I try not to obsess about OOW (13 years younger), but is very hard not to. H denies MLC, but friends and family are certain that's what this is. Seems like a text book case to me. Never thought this would happen to me/us, but here I am, in the middle of a nightmare called MLC. I am hanging on for the ride and don't plan on letting go. I do have confidence that the A will end. Maybe not tomorrow, but all in good time. Hang in there. You are surrounded by friends here!

[Firekeeper]

i am not in optimistic mood today.

my dad ended his a by getting married to the ow

my h's a also is going on the second year, maybe not strong-strong but going and he said today that he will be in that r at least till aug. what will happen in july i do not know but whatever... sadly, but it's reminding me of an ad with the pink bunny - "still going, going, going..."

[forward]

FK, Your second paragraph would make DBing harder, would it not?

What a strange thing to say--be in that R til August because why?

[Firekeeper]

about harder - yes and no - being a child of the divorced parents makes me understand what my kids are going through and would have to go if d happen and it make me stay longer in a fight for m. on the other hand i see my father who seems to be happy with his present wife, my mom has a boyfriend of 18 years and their r is good, too. it seems that i am the only one (i am the only child) who got a brunt of things negotiating their relationships (what to say, what not to say, how to divide time between them so they would not feel upset, how to be at two places at once for my b-day, etc.).

i am skeptical about aug. because i heard the similar speech before. i can guess that ow is still not ready to choose between her previous boyfriend and my h. so my h put a time line for her. but he did it before and it didn't make the difference - she was back a forth between my h and her boyfriend. it may be not physical back and forth now but emotional for sure. that is my best speculation re aug thing. he didn't wanted to tell me the details altho i asked. actually i am grateful for not knowing because details usually are too painful anyway.

[MidwesternGirl]

I really believe MLC affairs are different and they do not end like many others you hear about or in a certain timeframe. I actually think they last longer.

Remember that many times, they are self-medicating with OW and other means such as alcohol, drugs, etc.

I think Holly06 made some pretty good comments about the A's and how they are like a heroin addiction.

[mandyloo]

thought my ex's affair was only a short lived one, but it is now three years he as been with her and he got engaged 6 months after meeting her and then married her the following year, apparently they are also still going strong, including the fact that he as alienated his only child in all this and doesn't contact him at all, in fact this guy threw his only child out of his home, all for this wretched woman so I think he will hang on to her for the sheer fact he won't be able to face what he as done and given up, geez is any woman worth that.

[still hoping]

My H's EA started in November 05, PA by May 06, living with her a few months later, almost immediately after our S. Things were good to begin with, but I've heard that they've broken up a few times (H and I never even came close to breaking up in 11 years together). I can tell that H is bored of the R and I have confidence that it will end eventually.

As SF said, I also think MLC A's are a different variety compared to your average A and do last longer. It seems pretty common for our S's to move in almost immediately with the OP - not really normal behavior for a real R. It's like their relationship is on speed, which is probably a good thing since it's more likely to burn out faster.

[jmw]

H's 1st affair 10 years ago ended after 6 months, he just decided he wanted to be with me and our boys, he was sorry would do what ever it took to help our marriage work - and it did for 7 wonderful years.

Then this bomb - more or less right under my nose, he didn't give a damn, still doesn't no remorse, not a care about who he has hurt, it's as if he is entitled.

This affair lasted 6 months before i knew and then 6 months following seperation.

I do not know if there have been any other A's, I feels there must have been, he holidays, he parties, he spends. His life is a secret, we have no insight into who he shares his time with.

I expect some OW will come crawling out of the woodwork when the D is final to claim her share of the D settlement.

I just don't know, part of me hopes that there is an OW, because I wouldn't like to think he is on his own, getting used to a single life totally, although I must say I do enjoy my own space, and I am getting used to it.

Our sons think he is alone, but I think they just hope he is rather than truly believe he is.

[Treese]

My H began A after my hysterectomy (spelling)....last a few months then her H found out and told me...ended...6 great months then the bomb...he is with her again....

If it's not MLC and just WAS....do you think it's possible they still come back...

My H too seems so happy with her....it makes me sick...we have history....30 years....and I get the bomb.....doesn't make sense...

Treese