Okay all...I need some help here. Just got back from C. He states I am doing very well considering the circumstances. Tomorrow I go back, but with H. This will be the first time we are togetherwith the C since we started about 6 weeks ago. I asked the counselor what to expect tomorrow and he told me that it is time for the tough questions. I need to ask H where his head is and where his heart is. I am afraid of the answers. I desperately want to work on our M. I am afraid that he will not be able to give up his apparent addiction to OOW. So far as I can tell, contact has been limited, unless he created a new email and bought another cell phone. I am trying VERY hard not to snoop. Whenever I get the urge, I log on here. So, a little help....anyone had a C session where the "tough questions" were discussed. What am I in for?, what should I ask him?, How should I act/react? I am really stressing over this one.
Me 41 H 42 T 21 yrs M 16 yrs S15, S11 Bomb 1: Not happy 09/06 Bomb 2: Not in Love 02/08 Bomb 3: Admits to EA, poss PA? with OOW 03/24/08 Moved out 04/11/08 (our 16th wedding anniversary) Go Bills! Go Sabres!
Wow....I didn't think this would be a tough question for all you guys too. I went to library and then for a 2 mile walk to take my mind off tomorrow. I did find a "solution oriented" C who is familiar with Michelle's writings. Although he states he is neither pro marriage, nor is he pro divorce. He is pro "intelligent decisions". I'm hoping that will work in my favor. I hope I can keep it together tommorrow. Haven't been face to face with H in over a week. All contact is by cell phone. I don't call him. He calls me. I feel like I'm doing everything right, but I am terribly impatient. I know, I know...these things take time. I'll still take any advice that anyone may have on the subject. In the mean time, I'll wait for H to snap back to reality and hope that OOW falls off the face of the earth!
Me 41 H 42 T 21 yrs M 16 yrs S15, S11 Bomb 1: Not happy 09/06 Bomb 2: Not in Love 02/08 Bomb 3: Admits to EA, poss PA? with OOW 03/24/08 Moved out 04/11/08 (our 16th wedding anniversary) Go Bills! Go Sabres!
i'm in similar sitch. bomb, I don't love you in feb, I found out about affair a month later. he moved out 3 weeks ago. I know, it's like a living hell. yesterday he told me "I love her". this is after he maniputlated me to trying to get me to sign a refi on our house (he desp. needs money) by saying we could "try again". When I asked if we could start "dating" (not forcing him to come home right away), that's when I got that silent stare and then, "I can't , my 'girlfriend' would be unhappy about that. I love her" Icouldn't even hear the rest.
I know how much this sucks. It sucks so bad. but I am determined now to GAL, db, and all that stuff. there really is nothing else i can do. I did everything wrong before, begged, bargained, pleaded, everthing. doesn't work.
so now, i'm back to db 101 and must stick to it. for MY mental health. I can't live like this anymore. he has to live with the consequences of his choices. it's hard because we have a d5 and I can't just completely shut him out of my life.
I feel your pain. mc was a disaster for us (counselor was NOT pro-marriage) and we went once. I am now in counseling alone and really recommened that for you.
As they say, one day at a time (my lawyer told me this).
