Laughing - can't believe you finally post and your thread locks up after one response! I'll report your last post here:
Quote:
Well, it's been a while since I've posted on my own thread.... where to start? Okay, since my last post, the court decided that I must have been abusing my Son, therefore, he was whisked from me that day, from the court house, where the next time I'd see him would be in December, for 2 nights during Christmas break. Oh, he begged his Dad to stay for another night, but Dick said "NO, I'm picking you up today!" During my S's visit, he sat on the sofa twice and said out loud for my D and I to hear... "I feel so good, it just feels so good to be here." He was able to visit with two of his friends, who he told both of them he thought he had made a mistake going with his father, and he misses being home. He didn't say this to me or D, but I know by how relaxed he was, that he missed being home... as I bet Dick also sensed this, and thought he'd control him and the situation by again, whisking him away to soon.
January, S was making more contact, by February, I received a text message while I was at work saying "Is it too late to come home?" I started to cry as I was reading his message. I responded "No, it's never too late for you to come home." He called me immediately, started to tell me what was going on there, about his father was telling how he was worthless, only moved in with him to cause him pain, how he was responsible for all the housework and yardwork, how impossible it was for him to live up to his father's standards, which includes a 4.0 in school. Then he dropped his little bomb, explaining he also earned himself a speeding ticket, and now his father is going crazy. We were scheduled to continue the original hearing in February, so I told my S to hold on, and we will do this legally... and then Dick has the hearing continued until April!
In April, Dick came in by himself, didn't bring S, THEN, announced to the court S was on probation AND the only reason he wanted to come home was to protect his younger Sister from ME! Well, again, it's all projection on his part.... proving once again he is unwilling to forgive himself for what he has done, needing to blame someone for what is going on, and only proving that he is unwilling to forgive because he doesn't want or can't let go of his past.
During March his wife, under orders from Dick, abandoned her two sons, left one with his Father, stating she could no longer handle him, and the other at her house, with the people who were purchasing it from her. Then, taking her two daughters to move to California, remember, she has strict orders from the court which say she is NOT allowed to take any of her children out of state to live, especially to California. Well, there was quite a hellaballo about this situation, it ended when the Judge from her case called her personally, stating the girls will be put on a plane and arrive in Wichita by friday, which was only two days from the emergency hearing the Dads had about the situation.
They sent the girls home, however, Dick had them sent to Kansas City Airport, and the only information he'd give to the Dads was the flight number.... nothing else! A real charmer, isn't he? Well, needless to say, Jane lost custody of all of the children, even gained supervised visitation! Their battle continues on, just like mine! Just wish someone would see what is going on here, but it's hard to get two distant county courts to speak to each other.
As for my battle, it will continue on June 30th, with an all day hearing.... Oh Joy! S will arrive here on June 14, and will have two fun filled weeks of visitinig the counselor, (yes, court orders, and why does it rest on my shoulders to bring him to a counselor, and not Dick, he has plenty of time between now and then, and besides, there was a request from way back in October that Dick bring S to a counselor to help him adjust to the move to Cali., which of course, Dick ignored! Big surprise, huh???? NOT!)
Aside from being told how to spend my two weeks with my son, I pray that the truth will come out, and I won't have to send my Son back to Cali, AND I'm able to keep D here with me.
That's about it in a nutshell... I have my ups and downs, especially when I consider the fact my divorce has be final since August 2004, and here it is May 2008, and I'm still not done with the court processes. Dick emotionally left in 2001/2002, confirmed his affair October 2002... by catching together in bed, which he still denies doing anything with her until the divorce was final in 2004... how's that for denial???
Dick has been so ugly, has not lived up to any of the terms of the divorce decree, pushed us into homelessness, continued to have the child support decreased every year since the beginning, he's not even paying the full amount ordered now... just now and then, when he feels like it, and the very last little bomb he tossed was he claimed both children on his taxes, which one, kicked my tax return back, but also, because I was stupid and filed an extention to keep me from having IRS problems, and because I didn't know what the right thing for me to do was, he received MY portion of the stimulous package.... you see, if you have primary custody of your children.... and it's not predetermined in your divorce papers, it is a Federal law that the primary custodian receive the deduction! Oh, the things I've learned, albeit, a little too late.... I wish I had a dime for everything I know now, that I didn't know before.... I'd be rich!
Well, anyway, that's my update, as sad as it sounds. I haven't made any progress where my compete freedom is concerned, but I continue to pray that I will someday.
Take care of you, God Bless
Love,
Laughing _________________________ "What lies behind us and what lies in front of us pales in comparison to what lies within us." "The greatest gift is a portion of thyself." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Laughing, this is just awful news. I don't know what drives that crazy man, or when he will stop. This is just awful about S, and I know you must have been in misery. I am praying now that in June it will be settled and S will come home. This is too much.
So - no surprise that S regrets his decision to go to dad, or that your X is still screwing with you. Your X takes some kind of prize for mental issues.
BUT - S is old enough to tell the court where he wants to live, and eventually he will be home. You have made a home that he feels safe and comfortable in. Your D is still with you. Eventually, your kids will be 18 and you will be free of your X (legally, at least).
What else have you been doing with yourself lately? How has it been going fixing up the house? How is D doing in high school?
Will you please make sure you are taking enough vitamin D to get your blood levels up into the middle of the normal range? Studies show the risk of breast cancer is half if your vitamin D level is over 50. Your doctor probably doesn't know about this because the research is so new (okay, not all of it is new, but since vitamin D isn't patentable, there's no big drug company pushing this info out there to doctors).I still worry about you. The big researchers in this field are pushing for a new RDA of 2,000 IU of vitamin D a day. I find my deficient patients often need 5000 IU/d for months to get them back up where they need to be.
Rememeber to make sure to give your D plenty of attention dutring this time, I know the natural focus is on S, but don't forget about her needs.
You're a great mom, Laughing, and your kids know you are their safe place. You are the strongest woman I know. ((Hugs))
I feel so honored you started a thread for me! I wasn't sure who was still here and who would actually remember me. There are so many new names here, so many heartbreakiing stories, it's hard for me to understand why there isn't more help for those who are left behind to wonder what happened to their relationship and family.
You mention mental issues... ha ha ha, his psych evaluation showed he needs high praise, his marriages and divorces, how he left his other 2 children and didnt' turn back, 3 of his DUIs, his constant moving/job change, until this last job in California, which of course, he blamed on me, and even said straight out, that even though he is newly married, he showed an intense attachment to me and the legal battle, but the final statement was, there appeared to be no personality disorder... ya right, this one caused me to laugh.
Oh, I failed to mention, the school noticed several changes in S, so therefore began to speak to him about his conduct, it seems he has been isolating himself from his friends, but also, acting up and differently in class. S was asked directly about what was going on at home, and he spoke honestly about many of the things his father was saying to him, about being told he was worthless, and how his father threatened him that if he spoke about going home to Kansas again, he'd beat him until one inch of his life. Well, as you'd expect, CPS was called, did an interview with him during the week Dick was in KS and left S at home alone, without tranportation, money, or supervision. CPS in turn contacted SRS (Kansas) who called me, then wrote a report, and sent it to CA, who in turn will return the report to KS, where a determination will be made.
Mean while, even though S is 16, and in any other situation/state is old enough to decide who/where he wants to live with, Dick has alleged that I've been abusing the children, therefore, the Judge has with his father, however, Dick has been court ordered to bring S back for the all day hearing in June. I just hope the Judge will listen to the children, and we can end the false allegations of abuse once and for all. I've called the school for a report on D, have scheduled appointments with the counselor for the both of them, (D has been going all along) and then plan on having full physicals done on both the children with a report from the Dr they have had since we moved here.
As for what I am doing for myself? Well, not enough truthfully, been robbing Peter to pay Paul, having to sell a lot of our stuff in order to afford the legal fees. There hasn't been a whole lot of fixing up the house since the Landlady complained that it seemed I was trying to live here for nothing... when I fixed things around here, I deducted the cost of the item from the rent, didn't charge for my time, just the items to repair. Well, her comment rather torqued me, so I've been paying rent instead of making repairs.... because I decided my time was valuable and if she didn't appreciate my time, well then, she didn't need to have it. So, I've been keeping an eye out for a place in the oountry.... although I know I won't be able to afford a farm again, some times people just sell the home place, and keep the surrounding farm for themselves. Often it's a pretty good deal, often needing a bit of repair, and even sometimes, right in my price range.... so I've been searching all the local papers in hopes I find a home for us soon.
Oh, a while back I found that study on vitamin D, and read every piece of information I could find. I didn't realize a person could should take that sort of a dose, but have been taking 800I.U. daily, along with vitamin K 80mcg and calcium 1000mg per day since reading the first article. My body doesn't digest pills very well, as often most people don't, so I've been doing the calcium chews thinking I'd absorb them better (it was a shot in the dark!)
Like I've said, I've had my ups and downs, sometimes I become so frustrated about this whole situation, feeling that I just can't be heard, wondering why Dick has been able to manipulate the court the way he has, and why his lies/blame has been taken so seriously, and why the Judge can't seem to pull his head out of his @ss, and see that he is being played like a puppet.... I just hope with the help from the couselor and the school, that finally, and once and for all the truth may start surfacing.
This recent segment of hearings has brought my income to approximately $1700/month, when Dick decides to pay his portion of support.... and $1250 when he doesn't. Of course, I send my support for S, but rarely see much from Dick. I thought it was stupid the way the Judge placed his order, considering Dick makes 10 times the income I do! If we didn't live where we do, I would be making a heck of a lot more, but anywhere else wouldn't be my children's home, where they've grown up, where they've gone to school for the last 10 years made all their friends and memories, and found the support they have had all along.
Well, again, I find myself the wordiest person on the board! Hope this isn't too long and boring!
It's good to hear from you Ellie, hope you are happy, healthy, and enjoying life to the fullest!
Love,
Laughing
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
I wish I had positive news, I really do, it just seems to be this is where I am at, and there's a reason for it too. I know I am to learn from this, become stronger, and I hope and pray that this will lead to a happy ending.
My misery is knowing I have a child in pain, and not being able to protect him. Although, once again, he is learning, gaining his own strength, and I am so proud of him for the way he is handling the situation.
Right now, Dick is in the "honeymoon" phase, he has his anger in control/check, while trying to show S why he should stay in CA. As long as S doesn't mention anything about coming home, Dick seems happy and life in the house stays on an even keel. In a way, S feels he can keep this situation going until the day he leaves for KS and the hearing, where he will tell the Judge exactly what he wants. The poor kid remembers now why he used to be so afraid of his Father when he was young, as heartbreaking that was for me to hear from him, but he says that more importantly, he says he remembers how we used to "dance" around Dick to keep him/things calm.
I can't tell you of the guilt I've had since hearing this from S, I just didn't realize the damage I caused from the decisions I had made from so long ago. I'm trying to use this situation to give me strength in order to bring my son home, and give us the life we deserve.
Anyway, there is nothing I can do about the past, but I am working on making one heck of a future.
The things we learn about ourselves during this journey outweighs the pain of the past.
Take care of you, and thanks for your concerns.
Love,
Laughing
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
I'm filled with such pain for your situation, frustration that you're still having to deal with such unbelievable BS this late in the game! And of course, sympathizing with how this all affects our children.
I can NOT believe that this has dragged on so long for you..it's truly unbelievable. I remember a year or so ago, shaking my head in disbelief of what your xh was pulling, and here it is , after all this time ,STILL going on but seemingly even worse.
What the H is his problem?!!!!!!!!! He has no mental/emotional problems??? ROFLAMAO He should be a poster child.
I'm relieved to hear that you're watching your health, and hope you will continue to do so regardless of what is going on in your life with his drama. It's so important to your kids that you're there for them..so take care of yourself.
You're right..we do learn things about ourselves, and there's nothing we can do about the past. Best to let it go, and take the lessons we've learned to build that brighter future we all seek.
I wish I could reach out and b-slap some sense into this guy, but since that's impossible, I'll certainly keep you and yours in my prayers.
((Laughing))
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
Yes, it has been a while! It's been 5 years since the original filing for the divorce, nearly 4 years since the divorce was suposedly final, and yes, still going through this crap, and it's wearing on me too.
Heard from a friend the other night, she is a stylist, as it just so happens the last time Dick was in town, he went to her shop! She didn't know who he was, but once he sat down and started talking, (yes about me,which proves we are always on their minds) and his "sorrows" she began to put two and two together (as our son's play football/basketball together) she began to figure things out.
Dick began to talk bad about me, and she finally asked if his ex was me... he said "yes!" which she replied, "I'm really good friends with "laughing" and I'd appreciate you keeping your thoughts to yourself! She said she wanted to tell him off, but because she was at work, she though better of it. Dick's reply was "Oh?!" when he heard that we were friends... "well, I have to go to court because of her!"
Dick is totally diluted with his rewritten history, as it appears he fully believes I am the person he has described to anyone who will listen, can't even believe I'd have any friends. As a matter of fact, he doesn't care where he receives his sympathy, including a complete stranger (to him). How sad is that?
Laughing? Yes, I do still find plenty of reasons to laugh... Just last night, D and I had water fight, it started with a little splash, and we both ended up all wet! This just before work! We both laughed until we cried....
We have a lot of rain around here.... the tornadoes have tippy toed around us, thankfully, so all is well!
Hope all is well on your end too!
Laughing
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
My S came home June 15th, and we immediately started to prepare for the custody hearing on the 30th. S had two sessions with the counselor, as ordered by the court... the C wrote an outstanding report in my favor and sent it to the Judge and my attorney, who sent it on to Dick's attorney. D's report from her counselor followed 4 days later, strongly recommending D stay with me also!
On Thursday, I received a call from my Attorney who told me Dick has conceded, giving me full custody of both children once again! I received a call today saying the hearing has been cancelled, the custody papers have been signed and with my attorney, while Dick has also said he's not even fighting for his summer visitation, but would like to see them while he's in state around July 4th! The only thing left is to reconfigure the child support, which is in process now, but doesn't need to be ruled on by a hearing.
Life is wonderful, I am so very happy!
Thanks for all of your support!
Laughing
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
