Today my Husband finally met up with me. We have not seen each other in over two months since our third try at our M (that only lasted a week). He has been contacting me for over a week through text messages to try and get together with me. I kept telling him it needs to be face to face & not over the phone.
We finally got together to walk the dog today and he said he would like to try and give our M another shot. He apologized for many things and said he knows he needs to rebuild my trust and he knows he can. I just listened to him, then I told him I need some time to think about this and that I am open to the idea but we would need to start as just friends.
He asked me for a hug and I accepted. He was very soft kind and gentle with me and understood that I am fragile and have opened myself up to him before only to get crushed.
We planned to walk the dog a few times during the week to get our friendship started. I told him to text me when he is ready.
I hope and pray that this is gonna be for good this time. I dont know if I can handle getting all close to him again - then have him change his mind. I am gonna go very slowly and keep my self respect on the front burner all the while. If I dont think he is serious enough, then we will not move on to dating. If he does show he is working at us, then I will give dating a shot.
Me 40 H 42 Son 11 Married 15 years. Left May 2006 after gambling spree I had EA August 2006 OW Aug 07 after another gambling spree (she will make me happy - stop me gambling!) I filed for divorce 9th April 2008.
I can admit I am nervous but only due to our past history of him yo-yoing. I hope this is for real this time. It does seem different in many ways from our last few reconciliation attempts. For example, this time:
*I changed (did a 180) by showing tuff love and setting up many boundaries after he left for the 3rd time this past feb/march. *(during our 3rd try at our M),I was the one last time that blew up at him and told him he has treated me badly for too long and that we cant have a healthy reconciliation if he is drinking and at the bars all the time. *He immediately started to come around more and offered to do many small kind helpfull tasks for me. *He wanted to talk with me this past week, and usually I would have jumped at the chance, but this time I made him wait a week and a half to face me in person. *He text me several "I love you" texts throughout that week and I didnt respond to any of them(I used to), except to tell him that he broke my boundaries and to not do it again when he called after midnight one night.----He even apologized for that. *This time his mom told me afterwards that my H stopped by thier house that morning and seemed really different and remorseful and actually opened up to his parents for the first time about how bad he felt for what he has done to our R. *This time he wasnt pushy to move back in or to get me in the sack. *He was ok with a quick visit that night and we set it up to start as friends & see where it goes. *He was very apologetic to me for the first time and said he understands my pain and need to take this slow.
All these things are different from the past times we reconnected so I hope that this is the end of his yo-yo cycling. It seems to me to be much more of an awakening than any time before. TIPPER
My H mentioned the other night that he will be moving into a house he will get for the month of june rent free while he does the siding over. So we are looking at two months before he will make any moves-if it gets to that point.
H text me today at 4, and said "I love you". I text back and said "I love you too, and good luck at your gig tonight and play well, hopefully we can get together tommorow to take a walk. H text back, "thanks, and sounds great"!!!
I think on our walk I am gonna start by asking him to keep our conversations at first to just catching up with each others lifes. We both have a lot going on. I feel like our R talks will come after we establish a better friendship again. So I feel some small talk will be best at first.
I hope this goes as well as it feels like its going this time. I feel like H is way more serious about us this time around.I just hope he follows through with actions, and I'll be looking for them. Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TIPPER
Well my H asked me to go for the walk today and I agreed. We met for about a half hour walk with the dog. He was friendly and we did a lot of small talk and just caught up on our lives.
He said that last night he went home after his gig, when normally he would go out and party with the rest of the band. The band all went out, but my H said he went home. I think he was trying to show me that he is willing to cut down on his drinking/partying - but we will see with time.
It was kind of an awkward walk/talk for both of us. We both are so used to just being a H and W, but now we sometimes dont even know what to say to each other. I hope that smooths out over time.
He talked alot about all his new friends and that kind of bugs me. I think he has all intentions on continuously hanging out with many of them, but who knows. That will be really awkward for me, since most of them are 8-10 years younger than us and just want to party alot. I hope we can find a happy medium.
My H doesnt seem to be working a lot either, that will have to change. He owns his own business so he makes his own schedule. He doesnt seem to be worried since he will live rent free for june. I hope he has some plans for getting serious about his career.
Well, I told him that I had to go bowling tonight on a spring league I am just starting. So we went our seperate ways. I said that hopefully we can take another walk again this week sometime, and he said he would text me so we can get together.
This all feels so weird. I dont really know how to explain it. I guess I am really skeptical that he will do what it takes this time to help us heal. But I keep praying that he will.
Peace, Thanks for your vote of confidence. I dont think H would be too open to the idea of C or MC. It's been brought up before a few times and he never liked the idea of it. I think he would feel very awkward & wouldnt really open up to a Counselor.
My H text me after our walk tonight at the end of my bowling night and said "would you be interested in watching a movie after if your not too tired".
I text back "I'll let you know when i get home in about 45 min".
H text : " ok, no worries, I Love you!".
So when I got home I called him up and said "its kindof late to watch a movie but if you want to come over and chat - I'll be up till 11:00. He said Cool I'l be right over.
He came over for an hour and we sat on the couch and talked. Mostly all just small talk & playing with the dog. And I showed him my painting - He loved it! I told him that my Friend mark and I do art night on mondays and then we watch a season series HBO show that I netflix. My H said he was envious. He gave me a few small kisses.
All of a sudden while we were talking about his work & recent jobs I happen to look down at his left hand & noticed that: HE PUT HIS WEDDING RING BACK ON - the first time with out any persuasion from me in like about 2 &1/2yrs. HOLY COW!!!!!!!!!!! MY HEART SKIPPED LIKE A THOUSAND BEATS AND MY SMILE WAS FROM EAR TO EAR FOR LIKE A MINUTE STRAIGHT. I regained my composure and didnt say a word to him that I had noticed. He left at 11:00 as he said, and on his way out I walked him to the door and I gave him a good kiss good bye and we plan on walking the dog or going bowling tommorow around 4.
WOW - I hope this is not a dream. I hope he doesnt change his mind ever again. I want to rebuild this - I hope we can. TIPPER
