is this piecing or a piece of bootie

[buenosuerte]

link to most current thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1420698&page=1#Post1420698

I want to believe him but not sure. short end of it our d is almost 8 months old and we know we want more kids. i'm almost 38 and don't have much time to do so, so he knows that is issue is there.

i maybe jumping the gun to see if he is true to his word of coming over every night, not sure if i should be setting up boundaries about sex /no sex, read michelle's article about it. but i know that if we see each other or he comes to visit our d - he comes in with kissing me and holding me. as a couple we have always had extremely active sex life together. everytime we see one another we are affectionate and can't keep our hands off one another, and now this stuff with making a baby. it's like he knows we are going to get back together, says he wants to do it right and perfect, doesn't want to argue. drops hints about marriage or i'm just reading into it.

i guess i will see later tonight. i made myself gal when in lrt and this is one night i get out as an adult to go dancing, heknows where i'm going and just go from there.

i thought iwas in a mess before now it's just a different one.

[Yoyowife]

Please be careful. I don't think a new baby is something that you need right now. Perhaps he is sincere about getting back together, but I don't think these are the right circumstances to have a new baby. Reconcile first and then take it from there. I'm sure you have had a very difficult time trying to raise your baby by yourself, multipy that times two with a new baby.

Tell him that although you would love to have another baby you don't think you are ready either physically or emotionally. Tell him you want your baby to have a chance to be spoiled by both parents and be a baby a couple more years. He needs to bond with this baby. Let him know you want to work on the marriage first.

[JoieDeVivre]

I agree with Yoyo. He hasn't been around much for you lately, and suddenly he comes back into your life and wants another child? He hasn't been responsible enough to love or care for the one he has. Definitely work on the marriage first! Go slow...

[buenosuerte]

you guys are the best. i just don't know how to word it to him in a way that is not going to push his negative buttons.

any suggetions??

we've spoken again since this posting. he asked how our d was, what we did, had interest, there's something in his voice of how it was before we sep. he knew i was going out tonight and got a babysiter for my d. he is supposed to pick me up. i don't want any R talk, just 2 go out have fun.

[buenosuerte]

i reallyd on't know how to broach the subject wihtout it coming across as pressure and a turn off.

um honey, i would love to have another child with you but you are such a mess up with the first one, lets stop.

maybe i didn't get everything taken care of myself that i needed to, probably has to do with both my parents passing with in months of one another, giving birth and him leaving.

i really don't know what to do at this point. i keep rereading db and dr.

he is so sweet when we are together, holds my hand, long kisses, am i to think that is just for sex or genuine in his feelings. he is a man and not openely going to be i confess my undieng love for you. should i be taking a wait and see approach like acting as if everything is just great.

when we were out, he didn't want me going to the co-ed bathroom and men were looking at me and he got jealous, or atleast i think he did. he acts like he's testime me in a sense, oh i know you jennifer and how you would react and i wasn't falling for it.

we drove up to my house, d was awake, i put her to sleep and he had his shoes off in bed laying down asleep.

true what another poster stated: just exchanged rollercoaster rides. i was sure in lrt this no clue.

[naej]

JMO but no way would I even consider having another child with this man.He hasn,t been there for his first child so why do you think he would be there for no. 2.
I can't believe he suggested it or you would even consider it at this stage-yes sex might be great but kids are a lifetime commitment.
Life as a single mum is hard enuf with one child 2 is much much harder.
Words are cheap, look again after a few years. You both owe the child you have now that much.

[buenosuerte]

ok i'm really lost now as what to do. been not doing any R talk at all with him. when he left this am he texted me immediately and said he was glad i invited him to go out last night, and that he missed doing that.

i don't know how to even start to talk to him about all of this without it being negative. we are on shaky ground as is and keep thinking talkin about R will make him run again. i did such a great job last night to show him again how fun i am.

i don't want to be like um we need to talk, we need to set some ground rules. i can totaly hear what he iS going to say. listen i don't want to move things quickly, lets take it slow and i will say don't u think having sex to make a baby is moving things quickly? and then we will be arguing and at a stand off.

[Yoyowife]

Tell him that although you would love to have another baby you don't think you are ready either physically or emotionally. Tell him you want your baby to have a chance to be spoiled by both parents and be a baby a couple more years. He needs to bond with this baby. Let him know you want to work on the marriage first.

I still think you need to try this...

[Delil@h]

I tried to read about your situation and could not find it.
But I will say this.... does he even know why he wants a nother baby? And at this point it doesnt even matter. I would wait and also ... maybe you are GAL and he wants you to be tied down again?..... by being Pregnant? ????????????

Having a Baby to please his Macho ways is not a good decision. And if R talk is still an issue ......I cannot understand why he thinks a Baby would help? Sounds like he needs to grow up ALOT.
God Bless... ~Ali

[buenosuerte]

here's the latest update as of 6 may

on sunday he told me he was to scared to ask d and i to do something, thought i would do it. he came over monday morn, had long talk about everything. appears we are going to work it out. we pretty much spent all monday together except when i went to work out, he watched our d so i could and was with us till he left for work tues morning. he actually made plans for us to come over today, watch d so i can work out again, said plan on spending the night, bring clothes for me and d and toys for her. the 1 problem we had yesterday was about his parents, they are worried he's making amistake by talking to me or having anything to do with me. he told him it was what he wanted to do, needed to give me a chance and that was teh way it was going to be. it really bothered me and now i have to face his parents knowing they weren't to cool on the idea to begin with. not only do i have to do this with resistance from his family but friends as well. this is def. a different roller coaster.

the building of trust on both parts is so hard and it is easy to just say screw it and lets forget it all. he knows i have some pressure of where my d and i live and wants to find a place for us with his roommates, this is going to be interesting in how that works, since my other d of 16 will be visiitng for the summer at the end of june...