? about divorce paperwork

[SallyM]

am filling out some mediation homework prior to us meeting with anyone and some questions I'm not sure how to answer. I'm a sahm, so no income. when they ask me things like, "who contributed what to the downpayment of the house" do I just list h, since the money was from his job?

I'll tell you, I have never in my life felt worthless as a sahm until this divorce.

[fig]

I had to go on welfare for a bit after hardy#2 was born. he was very ill and I needed to stay home because I had to run to the hospital at least 3 times a day (half hour drive)

I remember having to account for every cent

it was horrid

and yes...technically you have to list H as it was his job. you would need verification if it was from a savings account just in your name or whatever...

you can call a lawyer and ask (free question type thing) but I believe that is what you have to do

[ALL6785]

I am not a lawyer but...

Actually being a sahm should work to your advantage in the settlement, in most States it entitles you to more child support and possibly alimony. Since you curently depend on H for income the court will generally find that H is responsible to provide you with financial assistance for some period of time while you figure out how you will support yourself.

[L21959]

((SallyM))

So have you settled on a mediator? Did H actually follow through on one? I will be very interested to see how this goes for you. I think my H has in his head (at least he did this time last year, i'm sure with the encouragement of his lawyer OW) that somehow he/we would just come to agreement between us and file pro se. No way... I really don't want a confrontational situation, but don't trust myself to be enough of my own advocate all on my own.

L2

[SallyM]

thanks all. it just sucks. it all sucks. but little by little, will get this done.

as far as I know h hasn't found a mediator yet. I'm printing off info from the mediator a friend recommended last fall. he's a bit of a drive so I was hoping for someone closer, but maybe we'll just go with him.

just getting ducks in a row. part of me is crying and sad and having a hard time breathing as I go thru all the questions, but part of me knows there is no choice. no blinking or twitching of noses to make it go faster. and as much as none of this is what I want, god, its time, isn't it? its time. he's been gone since last june...almost a full year now.

there is so much work involved with gathering the info and paperwork, part of me still thinks I should make him do all of it. but at the same time, at least this way I know its done right. some of it he is going to have to provide, but a lot of it I can gather since I am here at the house. and at this point he still needs to make the appt and such. god, he has to do something to get this divorce he wants, right? it just sucks. sucks sucks sucks. but my life will be good. it will. no matter what.

[Reincarnated]

It sucks with a capital S. Call me if you get stuck--still have the number?
I ended up doing 95% of the work for the D since I was the one in the house. I would have gone with a mediator, given the choice, but he felt he needed representation, so I had to get my own L. Going through the collaborative process (so motions don't have to be filed all the time) right now.

If MA is no fault, you will get at least 50% of available income and assets. If it is fault state, it might be more with evidence (but not many places do that anymore).

[L21959]

(((SallyM)))

It does suck...I am so sorry...for you, for me, for all of us who really don't want what's happening.

I just dug up a great quote i saved from a NYT article last year about women surviving and thriving post-D. I think we all could use it right now...

'"Once you go through something that you think will kill you and it doesn't," she said. "every day is like a present."'

We'll get there one of these days, (((SallyM)))

L2

[cat03]

sally)))))))))))))))))) don't you dare call yourself worthless again! with 3kids under 6 you are an amazing woman! that is a lot of work! you choose that path for your kids best interests.

sorry honey, this leg of the trip is so hard, but it will get easier as you step in faith hon. Yes, it'd be easy to say 'let him do it' but also, as you say, something we need to do to be done right (I didnt' want the D either but I found the mediator, didn't trust stbx to do an extensive research).

It won't always be like this hon, you will become stronger, will keep you in my prayers|))))
Please remember to go see a L before you go to the first mediation meeting. A mediator will make things fair but will not look for your best interest. I found a group from a bar association of Ls who provided a first consultation for 35$, look for something like that, just one consultation can make a world of difference when the time comes. I even looked at craigslist.com and there were a few who offered 1 first free consultation.

[Reincarnated]

Cat makes a good point. You might also be able to get a good referral from the local women's center. They have helped me alot; also had a divorce support group and free IC for me and/or the kids if we wanted it.

The other point that I didn't mean to breeze over.....

You are an amazing, loving, intelligent, WORTHWHILE woman--no one can ever take that away from you. Your h is an a$$, and the courts are archaic.

Look in the mirror and know that you can hold your head up high for your actions, choices and decisions.

(((((((SallyM))))))))

[SallyM]

thanks all. I appreciate it. and I'll get thru this. but man, its all a pita, with a bit old heartache chaser, isn't it?

but my new life will be good. my new life will be wonderful. just have to get over this hardest peak.