The last few months have been somewhat frustrating.
I've tried so very hard to be a friend to him before during and after our divorce. I give him his space. I lend an ear when he feels like talking but in the back of my head I would remember certain things like...
He would not talk nor want to be friends until after the divorce, then HE would think about working on things. But first he had to have the divorce. Fine. I accepted that. It became strictly business.
He did not like the outcome of the divorce at all. So I was the plague for months.
Then came the wishy washing, the crumb dropping, the weird conversations. But always in the back of my head was "He is not selling the house" so I still have a chance, just be patient. Don't contact him. I really did it. I went dark. Then he would call.
He would say....lets go out, I would agree, he would no show. I can't tell you how many times this has happened. It actually happened saturday before last when he showed up at the house expecting to go to lunch....I was in the shower. He slept on the couch. He left and nothing much was said. The one thing he did repeat over and over again was how tired he was.
I was later blamed for not being ready so thats why no lunch. Then I was blamed for the demise of our marriage and if I had of respected him more we would still be married. ( I think if I had of DB'usted better in the beggining we might still be married) But I was not a good listener and did not alway heed the advice given to me from others on this board.
He called me last Monday.....for what I don't know. I told him I'd bought over 200.00 worth of mulch/plants/sprinklers for the yard, he asked me why as he said HE would bring it over. Yes, well I've been hearing that for 2 years. No more can I wait or think what I hear is gospel coming from his mouth. He gave me an ultimatum, either he brings some more stuff over or he will not help me at all. Uhm....the man has not helped me with anything in 2.5 years. I've believed him so many times but it has all been lies. Lots and lots of empty words without any actions.
I truly believe he was playing with my emotions all this time just to shut me up. To not create problems with him and his new wife whom he still denies he married. I believe he has not sold that house because he does not want me to receive my alimony, he likes to see me struggle, even if it costs him LOTS more each month to pay for the house/utilites. I can find no other explanation of why this man after being divorced now for 9 months would rather pay an extremely high mortgage and my utilites but will not come over and sign papers to put the house up for sale???My alimony is much less than the mortgage and utilities!!!
Last week, after months of asking him to put the house up for sale....ya know we need 2 signatures! He needs to do some repairs that I physically cannot do nor can I afford to do. I do not get any repsonses from the emails. He even went so far as to say he will not respond to an email as I might hold it against him. So I have had to take matters a different direction now.
Last Wednesday I filed "Contempt of Court" against him.
I am tired of receiving foreclosure notices eacn and every month for the past 7 months in my mailbox. I am tired of my electric being turned off, the water and getting phone calls on late payments on my car.
I have been divorced for 9 months and the man will not set me free. I cannot force him to sign papers and assist in selling the house, that is obvious since he will not return an email concerning it nor will he talk to me. His life is a secret.
I am expecting him to have MAJOR issues with me filing the contempt motion. That will completely shock him. He is now going to have to disclose his financials for the past 2 years.
He will have to disclose his marriage and why he is not following the court orders.
He will have to show why the house is now 3 months behind.
He will have to explain why after I bring over realtors to put the house on the market, he will not sign papers.
I have been so compliant with him. I wasn't left much choice as I do want to sell it, I do want to be able to get on with my life and I do want to be happy again. I cannot do this while being in that house never knowing if it's going to be foreclosed and the doors locked while I am at work.
Being in that house gives me a false sense of him returning to it oneday.
When you stop kissing thier ass being nice and start standing up for yourself they get mad.
I personally believe the crumb tossing is mental game playing until they get what they want.
I just dislike this game playing they do to us!! They wanted the divorce, not us. They have thier OW's and new lifes why can't we find ours?
This is my last resort so to speak. It's for my sanity and for his chance to move ahead.
Anyway, I just wanted to post this and get it off my chest.
Sigh....I am tired
Most people get a divorce and move on. I've moved nowhere. Things are the same as the day he walked out to discover life. Least they are for me.
I wish to discover life too.
Hugs,
Jeanette
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
I struggled for so long looking for signs of which way to go....then I found the sign and could not deny it anylonger. It just seems so ODD that it has to be this way? Why? Nevermind....I'm trying not to ask why anymore, just accept, do my best and keep going.
Jack, Amy and Heyya Angel!!
I know I know I know.....should have done this long ago. Guess I was waiting for that second chance. No pain no gain. LOL, you got that right my sistah!
Angel dude....I'm not sure if I remember how to "live it up" anymore!!! that makes me sad....but I promise I will try to remember what it was like to have fun, be fun, and most of all enjoy it!
MrsH, THANK YOU!
It is NOT healthy for us, it IS like living in a prison. A lovely prison, but a prison non-the-less. By living here in this house he still has control. I have none. This is not the way to live.
I read your posts and tried many times to tell you in a gentle way to step up and stand your ground, but this little voice kept telling me......take your own advice. It is hard!
Kiki......I read your post today. That is what made me decide to get this off my chest and out on the board. At this point the truth will not set me free, I will have to set myself free. Kinda dramatic huh? But it's the truth...so it will set me free. May not set him free.....but thats not my fault anylonger. He has to deal with what he's done. I've dealt with mine.
You know, it makes you feel like [censored] when you have to go to this extreme. It makes you second guess everything.
I miss the days when I was guillable and believed what was told to me, I miss my innosence. I really do. I like everybody, I tend to trust everybody. I feel that most people DO have good intentions. I still want to believe that.
Anyway, I am rambling away now, but wanted to say Thank You.
Hugs!
Jeanette
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
You did what you had to do. He left you no choice.
Luv, Trusting
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Look at you, taking responsibility where you can, and letting go of what you can't control. What a role model. I hope you are giving yourself the huge back-pats that you deserve for doing what we all preach, and all struggle with.
That said, I'm sorry he is still so inconsistent and unreliable. FWIW, he sounds depressed, which is an explanation, NOT an excuse. Either way, not a problem you need to be carrying.
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