Pregnant and heading for acceptance #2

[S.T. _I Made It!]

"So, I think at this point, I'll just NOT initiate contact and have no expectations."

That is Perfect B!

Hey, I would suggest something. When texting H, like you did, make it short and sweet. Don't go all into everything, just make it direct and short. Guys think different than girls, and having too much info can cause an overload.

[NikB]

Hi B - you sound so much better now, glad to see it!

Glad the class went well.

I like Jenny's points on the happy list, and ST's on the text. Short and sweet is good.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

Hi B,

I read this today and was thinking of you.

2 Timothy 2:23
"Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord's servant must not quarrel: instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will."

I take from that for you to continue to not let H's actions/words to harm you, and to let those things go because they are stupid because of his lack of truth, and that as you continue to calmly show him what is right (by being the friend that you are and when he does things inappropriate for you, you share your feelings in a calm way) you let God do the rest of the work to work on his heart and pray for him that he will come to his senses, because he truly is in a trap, and we must pray for him to see his way out, and to realize this trap that he is in.

[blindsided1]

Good morning. Another day.

My happy list:
- I am finally going to have a baby. A wonderful baby girl that I worked and prayed soooo hard for.
- I have great friends that support and love me.
- I have a wonderful family that loves and supports me and helps me
- I have the support of my in-laws and extended family
- I have a good job that pays well
- I have, really, everything that I need
- I am capable of love and happiness
- My daughter can be proud of me
- I'm a fighter, not a quitter
- I can stand on my own two feet
- I am in good health
- My family is healthy
- I have a nice, warm, loving home
- I can look myself in the mirror and KNOW that I'm a good person and be proud of myself
- I'm thankful for this board and the friends that I have made here
- I'm smart and focussed and resourceful
- My life is wonderful and is getting better

[Startingover2]

Great list!!! You are all those things.

Hope you are having a good day!

[blindsided1]

I'm hanging in there. I've been noticing the last few times I see H that he is adopting a different kind of look and personality. It's almost "low life"-ish. I hate to sound indelicate or judgemental, but he used to have a personality. He's dressing differently and he grew a mustache and goatee and he isn't drinking the same kind of beer. Just the little things. It's like he has adopted the characteristic of OW's friends. I suppose this is normal. But, it's also kind of a turn off. At least before he was interesting. Now, he's kind of...I don't know, different and not in a good way.

I was also talking to my, soon to be, sister in-law yesterday. She said that she really used to enjoy hanging out with H and I because 1) it fostered the relationship between H and his brother and 2) she enjoyed my company. Now, she says when H comes over (very rarely) or they have a family function, she doesn't want to be there. She doesn't agree with what he is doing and he seems different, also. It's really sad because H and I have always had different views about family. I am extremely close to mine and very family oriented. H has never been close to his family. When we got together I made sure that changed. I brought he and his family closer. He had a great R with his Dad, which he never had before. He was talking to his Mom more and he was building a friendship with his brother. I can't tell you how many times they thanked me and asked me "who was that person" because they were so shocked at the changes in my H. Now, he maybe talks to his Dad a couple times a month. He never talks to his Mom. His R with is brother is minimal, unless he needs something. It makes me sad. I would hate to think that maybe this is just who he is. Maybe he is just a loner. And, this new life is more comfortable for him because he doesn't have to be anything special. He's so much better than that. Maybe he feels no pressure from OW and her friends and that's the attraction. I don't know. It just feels weird. He seems so different, now. It's almost unattractive, to me.

Tonight there is another baby class. Different from Tuesday's class. I DID NOT think he was going and on Tuesday he said he WAS. So, we'll see if he shows up. If he does I hope tonight is more comfortable. But, if not, I just have to deal, right?

[Forrest Gump]

"Tonight there is another baby class. Different from Tuesday's class. I DID NOT think he was going and on Tuesday he said he WAS. So, we'll see if he shows up. If he does I hope tonight is more comfortable. But, if not, I just have to deal, right?"

What are you going to be doing if he shows up? I know you know the answer.

"I don't know. It just feels weird. He seems so different, now. It's almost unattractive, to me."

Be careful with this.. there is a lot of emotion here. Just focus on what you can change. That whole middle paragraph just confirms what we already know. Poor choices bring about More Poor Choices. They will compound on each other. You know what his first poor choice was.. he made it. Let him live with it. You don't have to live with it.. unless you choose to. I know its hard.. still does not change that fact. Your life.. Your choices.. Make good ones.

Keep your head up Blindsided1.

[blindsided1]

FG - okay, I think the answer to what I'm going to be doing is 1) not have any expectation 2) act as if my life is perfect 3) be happy go lucky 4) don't let him know I'm missing him.

Anything I'm forgetting?

I know I'm emotional when it comes to him. How do you separate yourself from that emotion? I know that I can not change the person he is becoming or the person he is portraying. I'm trying to just sit back and be patient.

[Forrest Gump]

You forgot the most important thing.. smile. I don't care if its fake. Remember.. life is great. Look at all the things you have to be happy about.

Ill get to your other question tonight.

Good Luck tonight.

[PhD_ChrisD]

Hi Blindsided1,

It is difficult to separate from the emotions of a stiuation. I know it is hard for me to separate fellings from people. My advice is two-fold:
1) Know that you must do it.
2) Remember that this person is not the H that you loved and cherished - he was abducted by aliens. This is some clone you are dealing with. Next time you are feeling loving toward this clone, remember some of the rotten thingshe has done to you.

So yes, sit back and be patient. Also, watch those expectations. Don't think that going to baby classes is some postive steps on his part because you will set yourself up for dissapointment.

Good luck and don't forget to treat yourself often and have some fun! Enjoy being on your own: no cleaning up after a man, toilet seat is exactly where you want it, TV is not occupied with non-sensical sports-related garbage, and the phone is available anytime!

Best,
--Chris