Separated living in the same house..huh?

[Doingmypart]

As the roller coster of my life keeps on rolling I am feeling so worried that we will never fix this. At the moment we are separated, W has taken off her ring, and we live in the same house. We cannot afford any other way right now. The way it works is W leaves extra early for work, I get the kids ready for the day, drop them off at daycare and go to work. Usually I pick up the kids, we all meet at home to have dinner together (trying to keep the kid's lives as normal as possible) I give them a bath, she gets them dressed, we all read a story or 2 and they go to bed. I go to the gym at night and W goes to bed. Or tonight W stayed late at work to go to dinner w/some friends and will return whenever?!
A lot of where we are was due to my depression early in our marriage that sent our sex life into the toilet and has been pretty bad for the last 5 years. We have tried talking, some C and many "new starts." The problem is we always fell back into our same patterns. Much of where we are she sees as my fault, now W would not say that, but her actions do. Her efforts to improve our R are questionable. She thinks that the talks we had, and new starts etc were enough. I say they were a good place to start, but we need to work as a team to get out of where we are. I don't see that we ever worked together to make any real changes. It took us both to get where we are and it will take us both to get out. Well she is tired of all this, not willing to do anything anymore.
I would consider myself the primary caregiver to our kids as I do all the cooking, shopping, baths, driving around, and a lot of the general Parenting. Don't get me wrong, she does contribute, and is a huge part of their lives. I see her as giving up on me, and our family. Her view is that she mentally divorced me 3 or so years ago. Anyway, she has the audacity to want me to leave the house and live in an apt. FORGET THAT, I am willing to alternate who stays where, but will not give up on my kids at this point.
As the story unfolds more, I found out she started seeing someone pretty much right after we Sep. She does not know that I know this. W/this knowledge, I thought it best to give her my "OK" to see other people (she already was anyway). My hope was that she would be honest an have the courtesy to tell me about it. I still have not been informed by her about it.
The crazy part is I still love her, am attracted to her, and would overlook this new R and any past ones she may or may not have had and work on us. She is just not there. Its like it is too late. I am so worried that there is no way back. I am really working hard on myself to be a better man so I can then be a better husband, and an even better dad.
I know that if we did not have kids, or the financial mess we have she would have been gone years ago. I am just discouraged, and feeling more hopeless about this each day. I guess I am looking for some encouragement here. We may have found a place we can afford so I hope that with a more dramatic separation then she may realize just what we have. Then again with the new guy she my be blinded and just see her fun and freedom from her "real life."
I want to be happy too. I have not bee happy in a very long time too, but I guess I was able to deal with it differently. She says I am content with where we are. I say I don't know how to get away from where we are and get back to what we once had. Is it even possible to get there again? Are we too different now?
I'm gonna stop here. Thanks for reading my rant.

[Dom R]

As the story unfolds more, I found out she started seeing someone pretty much right after we Sep.

sounds more likely, "she found someone right BEFORE you separated".
hence the separation, and then the push to get you out of the house, so she can be with him more freely.

I think that you would probably do well in treating your situation as,

"Our marriage was lousy; my wife is now having an affair with an in-house separation; what do I do?"

If you read the relevant areas/posts/etc, with that frame of reference, I think you'll start looking at things differently.

There are lots of suggestions for that sort of thing. So I wont attempt to write much more on that right now, apart from saying,

"Her view is that she mentally divorced me 3 or so years ago." sounds like a hardened "walk away wife". so you have a gruelling, uphill battle in front of you.

She says I am content with where we are. I say I don't know how to get away from where we are and get back to what we once had. Is it even possible to get there again? Are we too different now?

you cant go back.
The question is, can you go forward, together, as the people you are today?
It's not a matter of "cant". it's a matter of willingness and interest by both people.

[Doingmypart]

Thanks for the perspective. I did not see her as a WAW either. So I had not really read much of the posts there. I will check it out. Uphill battle, is an understatment. Strangely, I do have my head in a good place. This has not "destroyed me" like I thought it would have. I am more focused than ever to work on me. I do get caught up in where she is with all of this and that tends to discourage me. I plan to stand firm in regard to me staying in the house with the kids as much as I can. I am willing to alternate who stays where, but I won't up & leave. I really liked what you said at the end of your post too, that is what I want to do is just move forward & not look back so much.