Well, after 9 months of doing my best to survive the train wreck and protecting my children and doing what's best, I am done with my WAW. My D13 told me tonight that my wife is 4 months pregnant by the OM. She is the only child of our 4 that knows and she has kept this to herself for a month.
My poor child, how has she lived with this secret, held it in and not even told me.
I am sorry dear daughter for anything that I have said that has upset you in this difficult time and wished that you had told me what you knew so I could ease your pain.
This came from D13 tonight after I had filed a CPS report last night because the OM had threatened S11 with a "punch in the jaw" on Saturday night because my wife said that he had pushed her over and kicked her. Nonense and I know the story behind it. She can tell the OM anything now she is pregnant and he will believe it. This is the way she controls the children - Fear.
How can she do this to me and our children. We are still married and said our vows in front of God. What person would leave for another man, take the children to a stranger and strange home, split the family unit up, neglect them in favor of her new love and then have a another child when she is struggling with 4 of her own.
What is it going to do for these children? A baby not of their father and mother's, mom not sleeping, baby crying, mom sleeping and not having time/energy for them, children not liking OM and he will have to look after them, children not OM's and lack of interest in them on his part and mutual love of new baby.
What about extra cost of everything baby related, lack of space in OM's home. It goes on and on. She has no time for them now and D13 school grades are suffering.
I just can not believe she is stupid enough to put our other 4 at risk like this. They are ages 5-13 and they need all the love, attention and support they can get.
A part of me wanted her back but the other part believed it was the familiarity of her that I wanted and not her as a person. Obviously, I wanted the children and family unit back and will regret what has happened to the children forever.
I now am so disgusted and ashamed at what she has done as a person and human being, that I would never take her back, I would not lower myself to her level.
That is the thing about DB IMHO. You start not knowing what to do, you learn everything you can, listen and talk to people on this site and you GAL, you gather strength from every source you can, you prey and go to church (well I did anyway), you overcome adversity, take pride in yourself and you get stronger and you do what you can to protect your children and you become a better person for it, whether your spouse comes back or not.
We all want them to come back and we fight for our marriages and those ones that succeed are truly graced but regardless we all grow vastly in ourselves. I am much more confident, stronger and happier as a person now. I have felt this has been a test by God or whoever and I am proud of my achievements as an individual.
Yes, I wish I was never here in the first place and if I could have had my wife back at some point earlier so that we could repair our relationship that would have been my wish but I can not control her, only me and although we can only work on ourselves, it takes 2 in the end to reconcile.
I miss reading posts by Saffie, Jarhead, Ohio Mark, Joie, Theo and sorry, all the others I posted to around that time btween Nov 07 and Feb 08 and I wish them a happy and prosperous fulfilling life whoever that may be with.
I could not have got to where I am today without DB and the support of this web site. Something I was obsessed with daily from post bomb. Looking for a miracle answer to my problem.
I have been humbled and am honoured to have fought shoulder to shoulder with everyone here because I believe in marriage and family and still do.
I am not fearful of my future and will not support my wife over this baby. Our 4 children deserve a better life.
im sorry it has come to this, I hope you put all your energies into taking care of those kids, since you are the only sane parent they've got. I dont think we will ever understand why they did this, why , having a beautiful healthy family and an s willing to forgive and be the best S ever they's just throw everything don't the void. My C chalks it up to obsession and temporary infatuation that blinds all senses.
I pray for strength for you and that your kids are take care of well))))
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Foo, So, so, so, sorry for your pain. Be strong and stay strong for your children. Do anything and everything you can to make sure they stay safe and sound!
The members of this site are wonderful support ... there is no reason you should stop posting, even if it's in another forum.
I so feel your pain and wish I could be as strong as you are, but I'm getting there. My H and his OW are expecting a baby in Novemeber and my two precious children don't know yet. I gave my H until July 1, to get his life in order and this is what hes done with it, but being a woman of my word I will uphold it. After the storm that will come from that (try and make it work or the big D) then we have to tell the kids that they will have a new brother or sister. It just makes me sick.
You fought the good fight and the best thing for you to do is keep being the best Dad you can because your babies will need you more than ever now.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Corey
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
If you aren't already doing this keep a diary; dates, details, everything... about any time OM threatens your kids, or does anything that can potentially hurt them. The main thing now is to let go of W and focus on your children.
If not divorcing her gives you more control over the kids then you might consider not filing even if you never want to be with her again. Don't file for D unless you know for certain you can have full-custody.... you do not want your kids abused by OM and you should do whatever you can to avoid that.
If necessary stay in M until the youngest is of court age to determine if he or she has to go visit mom (maybe age 13 or 14? I know at some age in my state kids can go against court mandated custody and not visit with a parent if that's their choice).
I personally think whatever gives you more power in caring for the kids is what you need to do. Although if you need to protect yourself finanically you might do the research on legal separation (if it's not already a legal separation...) and see if that might be a wise way to go.
Take care of you and try not to wonder or think about W. What's done is done and let her deal with the stupid decsions she's made. Tell the kids this is an example of how you shouldn't live your life. Let them know that kids should always strive to be "better" than their parents, learn from the mistakes they see and create better lives for themselves.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
