I need advise badly. I am at a point after reading James Dobsons book "Love must be tough" that I feel I need to confront my H and show him tough love.
My Sitch in a nutshell is that my H left me on March 26, 2007. Total MLC and even started an emotional affair with a stripper. After being gone for about 4 months he came crawling back and moved back in with me and we peiced for about 5 months. Then out of the blue he up and left again a week before christmas and moved out to another apartment. about 3 months later he came back to me for about a week and never moved back in but tried to work things out. He stopped working at our M after only a week and said our divorce is inevitable even though we have a lot of love for each other, he feels there are too many outside issues that are getting in the way of our R. He has been very distant lately and I havent seen him in over 2 months. We have 2 months left of our legal seperation and then he can file for a no-fualt divorce if he chooses.
I am feeling like this is a last ditch effort, but the book suggests writing a letter that is loving but showing the intolerance for the treatment I have been through.
I will show the letter to you all in my next post, but it is powerful and I need advise on if and when I should send it.
Tipper, I just read something like this in Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Tells you 5 things that you should cover in your Love Letter in order to get all your feelings out and also send love to the recipient. If you'd like for me to type it out I will. Looking forward to your next post.
I would appreciate that if your willing to send me the info from men are from mars.
Well here is what I have written allready, it is a compilation of the suggested letters from the book "love must be tough" and my own thoughts and feelings:
Husband, It is incredible just how foolish i have been since you have decided to leave me. I have tolerated your unfaithfulness for over a year and was even so naive as to allow you to come back to me twice. I cant believe now that I allowed it with open arms. I guess that I just loved you so much that I was willing to do anything and overlook your sins just to keep you from ending our Marriage. Those days of shock, and panic, and fear are over for me now. If you want a divorce, I most certainly will not stand in your way. In fact, it may be for the best. I doubt that I could ever trust you again or feel for you as I once did. I wasnt a perfect wife, to be sure, but I have not entangled myself into any emotional or physical affairs since I pledged my love for you before God and our families and friends. But you have violated my trust - not once, but repeatedly for too long. I'm no longer special to you - I am just one in a crowd amongst thousands of beautiful women. I cant live with that. I would rather face life alone than as a member of your harem. If a stripper or some random girl at the bar is the one you want, I hope the two of you will be happy together. I'm still not sure how something so wonderful became so dirty and distorted, but that is between you and the Lord. We both have to answer to him in our own way and my concious is clear. So where do we go from here? It just wont work for you to be yo-yo-ing between me and binging and flirting at the bars and strip clubs. You have said before that you are confused and arent sure what you want. Well, that isnt very inspiring to me. You pledged eternal love and commitment to me on our wedding day, but now that could be gone with a toss of a coin. If in the future you decide that you want to be my Husband, then we'll talk about it. I make no promises, however. I'm doing everything possible to remove you from my heart, to spare myself anymore pain. It's not going to be easy. You were my only love - the only one I ever wanted. But that was then and this is now. God bless you, H. The dog and cats and I will all miss you. Wife
O.K., let me know what you all think of this letter. I especially would like advise as to when I should send it, or if I should send it at all. Dobsons book suggests that I make sure the timing is right and also to possibly wait for or to create a small instance in which it is most appropriate.
I am thinking that the next time we have face to face contact, or the next time he brings up our possible D - I should convey these thoughts to him either verbally or by handing him the letter and leaving, or by saying very little in response to him and afterwards send it in the mail.
I fear that this is opposite of the DBing principle of waiting patiently and avoiding any R talks. But it still follows other DBing principles such as making a 180 and setting boundaries with love. I will appreciate any and all advise. Tipper
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I copied and scanned the pages to an attachment here at work. For some reason, I can't figure out how to get the attachment to paste here though (maybe it's not allowed?). If you'd like, email me at work and I'll reply to you with the attachment.
EDITED - email addresses are NOT ALLOWED. You must comply with the DivorceBusting.com Board Rules if you would like to continue the privilege of posting here.Dar
Well, the ending brought a tear to my eyes. I think it came straight from your heart.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
