should I dip my toe?

[buenosuerte]

It's been34 days in LRT, i have not contcted H in any way shape or form. He has sent me a voice mail of our song and driven by my house all within 5 days. I know i'm loosing my patience of being dark.

should I go about contacting him in a round about way. Meaning, I could take my daughter to his mother's house for an unscheduled visit-of course when he's not there. i'm thinking that may open the door or give him the green light to contact me more aggresively in a round about way.

or

should i just do nothing still?


thread to history:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1399469&page=1#Post1399469

[lostlove]

personally...I'd wait until he's grown up enough to make actual contact with you ...not a song left on a voicemail and not a drive by but an honest true attempt at reaching out to you. This is not a movie, it's your life. Let him be the one to "dip toe in" in a way that does not need interpertation but is understood and less passive.

LL

[buenosuerte]

I can see what you are saying and i know that my impatience are playing a huge factor in all of this. then i get on myself about my d not having a father that is in her life.

i feel like i should give it a time limit, for example if he doesn't make "real" contact by such and such date, file for custody of our d and child support and let that be it...

[Sara]

I would think a child should see her grandmother, no matter what is going on between the mother and father.

[buenosuerte]

my belief is that as well provided in a human world in this whole mess, the grandparents would invite for visits or call or something. especially with them knowing they are her only grandparents. unfortunately, the grandparents threw my daughter and me away when their son did.

i do try to be the better person and think of it in my 7 1/2 months old eyes with those relationships, i just tend to believe they don't genuinely care for her - had a hospital incident where h along with his whole family didn't take it seriously until they saw the medical bill from the hospital, as my d and i sat in the emergency room with no support.

i could be doing 180's for his family all the way but fear the run in with the h. at this point in time i'm liking the peace of not having to see him or all that emotional train wreck

it also feels like using my d as a pawn

i could take her over to the grandparents house for a brief visit like once a week, but i think h will see it as a ploy or fishing expedition or just something negative all around

[christarn]

buenosuerte~ I've been trying to read up on your sitch, one suggestion!Try to just keep one thread active !!! it's hard to track what all is going on when you have 3 active topics in a category!! and which one is the one you would like us to post on!!! That being said, I have a few suggestions, detatch, not only for yourself, but for your daughters sake. She deserves a father, but one who is mature and trustworthy. Second, read michelle's books DR/DB, also Gary Chapman, Dr. Phil, Patricia Love all have good relationship reads. Remember patience is key, and you can only control yourself. I know you said you're not sure if you believe in God or not, but joining a church would be a good place for you to meet friends. Don't stop at one go to a couple different faiths and see what each one has to offer, see which one fits you the best. Sometime find Joel Osteen on TV, I really like him, he's positive and upbeat, he will make you a believer!!

I wish you and your little girl all the best, this is a tough place to be. Stay strong, you can do this, you are doing this.

hugs
Christa

[S.T. _I Made It!]

hey buenosuerte,

didn't want to hijack Blind's thread.

I'm not sure what you should do on trying to contact H. How would YOU react to his actions or lack of. If he doesn't respond, how will you feel? if he does respond or is still distant, how will you feel?

I think if you are up to disappointment, and you won't let it affect you, then I think sending him a fathers day card would be okay. even though he's not an active father, but really, we can't assume the reason WHY he's not being active. I have no idea about your sitch, but what I have learned is that we all can assume and we can all think we know for sure what our S is thinking or why he's acting as he/she is, but we really don't. He could feel pushed out, or he could not care, or maybe he's scared and has already screwed up and thinks your D may be better off w/o him. who knows.

but I think sending him a card that doesn't show expectations of getting anything back, like you asking him to call, or whatever, and just a card that just says you and your d is thinking about him would be good. IMHO

[buenosuerte]

i had outside the last of his things, i put it all ina box and took it to his mothers. i just don't see any hope anymore. yea true he sent a voice mail, big deal, not real contact yeah he drove by my house wow nothing big or even talking to me. it's been what tommorow will be 40 days and nothing NOTHING!about hs kid. i'm leaning more towards serving him with custody and child support papers, i just don't see how lrt is helping anything not even me at this point

[S.T. _I Made It!]

I'm sorry ((buenosuerte))

maybe it's time to do something different. If something isn't working, don't keep doing it. Of course you have to give things enough time, but 40 days sounds like a considerable amount of time to me.