Just wanted to give you an update on your sitch. Many of you have reached out to me personally to see how I was doing and for that I am grateful. The one common thread within this community is that everyone here has character and integrity.
Since I split with my W for good, life has never been better. Having her claws removed from my back has been the best thing that has happened to me in a very long time. Now that I have had some serious distance from my spouse, I realize that she is not a very good person, I will spare you the details. Many of her friends have approached me and let me know that divorcing her is for the best and that I can do much better. I was absolutely shocked by some of the things that they told me. She is evil.
So today, life is good. My divorce is almost final, my social life is awesome, I sleep better than ever and my new relationship is solid. The girl I am dating is the exact opposite of my spouse. She is warm, loving and has tremendous integrity. Her family, who I have known for over 7 years has also been VERY supportive of our relationship.
I now live in the moment and enjoy the present. I spend little time thinking of the past or contemplating the future. I take life one day at a time and have re-learned how to enjoy simple moments such as grabbing a slice of pizza with my new chick. I could not do that with my x.
So... my message to you is that life will go on whether you reconcile or not. For some of us, we will get divorce, learn from the sitch and move on to lives that are far more fulfilling.
My D is well, but until the divorce is final it will be very difficult for us to spend time together. I am committed to repairing my relationship with my child once business is settled. Trying to do this today would just put her in the middle of a very ugly sitch. I know long term, things will be very good for us. My new girl has offered to take an active role in helping me restore my bond with my D. Personally, I feel that she will be a much better role model that my x.
Great update , I firmly believe that anyone who goes through the DB process properly will be a success story regardless if they save thier M or not. Just do not forget what you have learned , take that with you to your new R , remember the basics and I am sure you have a happy life ahead.
Oh fish, you are just a glutton for punishment, aren't you? OK, where to start. firstly, you are so far out in La La land that you can't see this train is a wreck just waiting to happen. You've now chosen to re-write your marital history by painting your W as "evil" (just like all WAS's do) and you've even collected evidence from her "friends" to back it up, how convenient that all these facts just happen to fit with the actions you've chosen to take in ending the M. Next, you've now put the new woman on a pedestal, being all good. Can you really honestly describe a woman who takes up with her friends H before the M is even cold as someone with "integrity"? Give me a break! The fact that after a few weeks of R she is also committed to helping you re-build the bond with your D makes me wanna barf. Don't let this woman anywhere near your D until you've been together for a long while and you are sure this is going to be long term. Think about your D fish, the impact this person and your new R will have on her. Please stop letting this short term chemical imbalance in your brain run your life. Think, think, think! You've built yourself a fantasy world and such a world tends to have a tough time fighting off reality for too long. OK, I'm done, flush now.
Ok, I wasn't going to respond to this...but I decided to anyway.
Originally Posted By: fish 2/27/08
While this journey is far from over, I believe that my W and I will spend the rest of our lives together and it will be extraordinary. I think the past 5 months was an amazing learning experience, it provided each of us the time and space to re-discover what we want out of life which will position us to be better partners. The one thing that kept us together was our chemistry, there is something between us that cannot be put into words.
Fish, this is what you wrote about your wife less than 2 months ago! You were sure about your W then...now you are sure about this OW. Now suddenly your W is evil. Give me a break. You say that to justify YOUR actions.
The way you write things I always have to wonder "who is he trying to convince....himself or us?" You really have these knee-jerk reactions to everything. I have thought this through every stage of your journey...from piecing, to divorcing, and now with this OW. It is all or none with you. You REALLY need to take some time to work on yourself.
Quote:
The fact that after a few weeks of R she is also committed to helping you re-build the bond with your D makes me wanna barf.
Ditto.
I done too. Flush. I am axious to see what AmyC says...if she even bothers to comment on this.
Fish, you can obviously do what you want to do and you can find the justifications for it as well. All I have to say is this OW is no prize, grabbing her friend's husband before the ink is even dry on the divorce. You're going to end up paying for this one in one way or another. She'll probably end up being a stalker or something. So, along those lines, you better start to "man up" and be a Dad first and foremost, not the boyfriend of this OW. Don't introduce them, don't let your daughter befriend her because that's just going to cause more heartache for that little girl down the line.
Good luck in your new life, and I think you're going to need it because you're apparently falling into every "Post-Divorce 101" trap. Fishy needs some help.
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
I'm glad you've let go of your fear and want to move on, please make sure you dont' turn gf into a crutch. We LBS yearn for that love and affection that WAS witheld from us for so long that many of us will jump into an R if we get a chance.
Yes, the ink isnt' dry on your D yet, be fair to gf and please spend a few months alone, please remember what a rebound R is.
It's ok to hurt fish, don't be so quick to fix your broken heart.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
As you know, our marital situations are very VOLATILE. The emotions run a bit wild and you react moment to moment. When my W and I tried to reconcile she "seemed" sincere, but she was not. She made commitments that she refused to honor. Bottom line, she made my life hell.
Today - life is good. My new chick and I have known each other over 8 years - that is a long time.
As far as my D goes, that will be fixed VERY soon. Once the divorce agreement is in place, I will not have to worry about my EX-W flipping out and doing something very weird.
You guys may not understand this, but my W is dangerous! She has not conscience whatsoever. She has done evil things not just to me but to many of her friends. Not good.
So... my message to you is that life will go on whether you reconcile or not. No sh*t, Sherlock. What a patronizing, self-inflated thing to say to those in the fire that aren't afraid of the heat and choose to stick it out for the greater good as opposed to hopping between the first pair of benevolent legs that spread. For some of us, we will get divorce, learn from the sitch and move on to lives that are far more fulfilling. Indeed you are correct on this but it doesn't look as if you are in that group.
My D is well, but until the divorce is final it will be very difficult for us to spend time together By saying this - and the reference in your next line to "repairing" your relationship with your daughter, you give the impression you aren't seeing her now which, depending on how long that lasts, the damage can't always BE prepared but rose-colored glasses will weave their deception to the contrary. Good luck with that. . I am committed to repairing my relationship with my child once business is settled. Trying to do this today would just put her in the middle of a very ugly sitch Newsflash for you guru, she IS in the middle. . I know long term, things will be very good for us.
This is by far the dumbest and most self-serving thing you have ever said:
My new girl has offered to take an active role in helping me restore my bond with my D Can't wait to read how THAT flies with the MRS. . Personally, I feel that she will be a much better role model that my x. This ain't "Trading Mommys", dipshit. When this all blows up in your face, I do hope you will update.
Amy, was that subtle or what, betcha he still doesn't get it! OK Fish, you write " our marital situations are very VOLATILE. The emotions run a bit wild and you react moment to moment." You talk like this is some kind of law, but guess what, you didn't have to react moment to moment, you chose to! You let emotion lead you the whole way and that's why you are where you are right now (as much as you seem to like it). "When my W and I tried to reconcile she "seemed" sincere, but she was not. She made commitments that she refused to honor. Bottom line, she made my life hell." Again, that's why DBing is considered a rollercoaster ride because life doesn't follow 1,2,3, as we would like it to. There is a thing called creating a healthy distance which could have been an avenue to explore but you chose to grab a new partner instead. You couldn't wait a few lousy weeks to see how this worked its way out, you had to be gratified right now! Again Fish, if your new "chick" is so great than she'd wait for you to be ready, I mean really ready to try another R. I'm sorry that you just can't see what is coming your way. I hope for you and your D that we are all wrong here and that you do indeed get the life you want, I just don't see anything here to tell me it's gonna happen. Sorry!
