To agree to a D or not..... that is the question

[ACJ]

Hadn't realised my thread locked.

I'm still no nearer to making a decision. I guess it's b/c I don't want to have to make it but make it I must.

S15 and I had a massive row last night. He has told GF and her parents that he will go to grandma's funeral tomorrow. I had already told him that he shouldn't go as he has already missed too much school this week. In the end I quite literally had to remove myself from the room and go to bed. I'd tried being silent and still he went on and on. If anything it aggravated him more. To be honest I think he will go whatever I do. I really don't need this on top of having to make the biggest decision of my life so far.

[cat03]

well, a funeral is a big thing, despite all the time he's missed at school attending her funeral is a big thing.

I also was dragged to D, kicking and holding onto the door frame, but in the end I realized I was being labeled as desperate, bitter, etc etc, it was making me look like the mad woman. I'm not, and if the man doesn't want to be with me I'm not forcing the issue, I did for so long to no avail, at this stage in my sitch, it wouldnt' change a thing.

YOU can make this very hard for you or you can set your gears into a different state of mind: talking to a L and looking out for your best interests without turning into the stbx from hell.

As you said, he'll go through with it with or without your cooperation.

[ACJ]

YOU can make this very hard for you or you can set your gears into a different state of mind: talking to a L and looking out for your best interests without turning into the stbx from hell.

Well that's a 2x4 if ever i saw one I already have a very good L. I'm sure my H already thinks of me as the stbx from hell but as we don't communicate at all I'm not sure why.

Yes a funeral is a big thing BUT it's not his grandma but his GFs

[ACJ]

Oh what a night!!!!!!!

I got a TM from S15 at about 9.30pm saying he was at some night club and he wouldn't be home until 1am!

Long story short I ended up ringing H and asking him to go and get S15 out of the night club and bring him home. He wasn't happy but he did it.

Originally he told me that once he had found out where it was he would ring me back. Of course he didn't do that. The first I knew about him doing anything was when D17 asked why her dad's car was outside at 11pm. They continued to sit in the car for at least another hour. OW was with them. When they finally came in S15 had clearly been crying a lot. H wanted to talk to me but would only stand in the porch (despite the fact that he knew I had gone to bed ill and was in my dressing gown). He didn't say much apart from don't push him tonight and it's mostly hormones! He brought up again that he thought S15 should go live with him. I surprised him by saying that if that is what S15 wants he can do it.

This was an opportunity for H to have father and son time (even though it was late and in difficult circumstances) but for some reason OW felt the need to intrude. I can only assume that she didn't trust my motive for getting H here in the first place. Sad.

I think I have nearly made up my mind about the D

[heartbreak2]

ACJ

catching up on things.

sending you strength and {{{{hugs}}}}

[ACJ]

Thanks HB2.

I think I need to start marking my emails to H as confidential. I sent him one this morning thanking him for his assitance last night. I put a read receipt on it (something I've forgotten to do for a while). I have had one back but not from H but from his deputy. He obviously automatically forwards his emails to this man when he is out of the office. So now I have no way of communicating with him w/o someone else being involved! Great.

[ACJ]

My home telephone keeps ringing and then stopping again just as abruptly. This has been happening now for a few days. I don't always get the chance to dial back to check the number. When I do it is a mobile number that I don't recognise.

It's probably something and nothing but it's really disconcerting.

[cat03]

I too hate those hang up calls, when it gets to be too much I just disconnect my phone.

Well, as long as you are just communicating about children you should be alright, though I'd also hate to have someone else reading what I write.
Does s15 want to live with his dad, do you personally things it'd be for his best interests? I wonder sometimes, as my son growns up, he'll naturally might want a male around him and might prefer his dad even though now he is way more attach to me.

Hon, we make our lives very hard sometimes when we refuse to let go, it is damn hard to let go (just came out from a denial bout myself after doing well for 2mths), I hear you, but train your thoughts to deal with who H is now, a person who's light years away from what used to be your M, wants a D & is already involved and it's been more than 2yrs (if it were a S of 6mths I wouldnt' be saying this).

My own S is only 3mths old, but for the past year stbx has been emotionally/mentally gone from our M, and no matter how good of a W I was or how many chances I gave him betrayal after betrayal *nothing* made him WANT me, our M, our home. Their lives are pointing away from us ACJ, they believe the path they have taken, in our cases, no amount of convincing/dragging our heels will make them change their minds.

[ACJ]

Does s15 want to live with his dad,

He prevaricates between yes and no. It's usually yes when he is mad at me.

do you personally things it'd be for his best interests?

No I don't. H has got to used to being able to come and go as he pleases. As S15 is not a baby I don't think he will change his lifestyle if S15 went to live with him. I think S15 would spend most of his time by himself and therefore able to get up to even more mischief than he does now. I might be wrong but H is currently a man who won't even go to a parent's evening b/c it might mean spending time with me. He doesn't reply to any emails I send him and they are only ever about the children.

[Truelove]

Hi ACJ,
Have fun on your D18th birthday. Take care.