BIG UPDATE: H told me on Friday that he was working on transitioning out of his condo to move back home, if it was OK with me. He gave notice to his landlord and is trying to get rid of some of the stuff he bought when he moved in. I told him that I wanted him to be sure that he is doing this because he wants to, not because he feels he needs to (money reasons). He said it was both needing to and wanting to. He told the older kids yesterday.
I'm a little shocked, worried, happy, relieved. I just want to be sure that we are moving forward and don't end up back in the place where we were last year when things went south.
I guess I am officially "piecing"...yikes!
So far things are going well. H has been staying at the house every night, even though he's still officially in the condo. I'm having a few "freak-out" moments, when all of the unresolved issues start dominating my thoughts. I know we have alot to work on, so I'm going into this with my eyes wide open. I hope he is too.
Jack- Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate the reminders to focus on what works.
I know we have alot to work on, so I'm going into this with my eyes wide open. I hope he is too.
All I am going to say is make sure he knows this too. Don't let it lie. You have an opportunity and it sounds like your H will be willing to take the necessary steps. Sometimes we men need to be dragged a bit.
It is a minefield...and...not ALL of the mistakes are going to be his. Hold yourself accountable and be very aware of when YOU are pushing your own buttons.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
This is great news. Sounds like you are understandably feeling a lot of different things right now, but you sound pretty grounded and are understanding that it is going to be a new kind of work ahead. But this is awesome!!
One step at a time continues to be a good plan to follow. Are you going to move over to Piecing?
Thanks NG, imp, Jack and Purr. It's nice to hear from some new people (new to me, at least!)
Originally Posted By: Purr
Are you going to move over to Piecing?
I think I'm going to stay here for awhile, where I "know" more of you. I feel like I need a new handbook for this stage, so I'll probably be checking out the posts on Piecing more often.
Quote:
Have fun with rebuilding Trust.
;p
It is a minefield...and...not ALL of the mistakes are going to be his. Hold yourself accountable and be very aware of when YOU are pushing your own buttons.
Jack- I've been struggling with the trust issue for a long while now. There has not been an OW that I know of (see, I told you there were trust issues!), but h has a gambling problem, which appears to be under control now. I feel like I've finally forgiven him for his past mistakes, but I have a hard time trusting that it's not going to happen again.
thought I'd put my 2 cents in...how long was your H gone? Did you go dark? Did H still interact with your kids? Just curious...
I hope I'm posting this some day....
Good Luck....I'm very happy for you....Let me know how the trust thing goes....
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
That sounds contradictory, maybe it is. Be willing to trust...WANT to trust, but verify that your trust is not misplaced. Basically...snoop. BUT, every time you DON'T find something doesn't mean you should look harder, in fact everytime you DON'T find something, it means you look less.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
thought I'd put my 2 cents in...how long was your H gone? Did you go dark? Did H still interact with your kids? Just curious...
Hi Treese. H moved out August '07, but stayed very involved with the kids. For example, on the 1-2 days a week when I have to go into work early, he would come over and get the kids ready for school, just like he did when he was living here. At the beginning, he spent more time away from us but as time went on, he spent more and more time here. I never went dark, but I refrained from calling him unless I really had to. I tried my hardest to give him the space that he said he needed.
I think my old posts are still here, if you want to read them.
That sounds contradictory, maybe it is. Be willing to trust...WANT to trust, but verify that your trust is not misplaced. Basically...snoop. BUT, every time you DON'T find something doesn't mean you should look harder, in fact everytime you DON'T find something, it means you look less.
Wow, Jack. That is the first time that I've seen someone on here suggest snooping. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I have been so good about not snooping over these last few months.
