Maybe she wants to go on vacation with the guy from Chilli .
Were you allowd to tell your marital status to him or were you introduced as a roommate ?
When she "sleeps elsewhere" and returns do you confront her or just kind of avoid it. How do you think she views this ? If you don't voice your objection to you wife having sex with another man how can she possibly respect you and see you as a man ?
Life is short. Nothing is changing. She treats you like a pet. I've read all of it. Sorry the truth may hurt but it's absurd the amount of indignity you endure.
I probably shouldn't have posted yet on the issue.
CL, I think this forum should be a safe environment to post your thoughts.....you can just ignore they way "we" react.....or I find I clarify my own feelings when I react to something someone has written about what I wrote. Does that make sense?
Jak and Matilda, I felt a hug and your compassion in your last posts. I am touched by your kindness and commitment to my thread. I do feel safe posting to you and the Piecing forum. The veterans on this forum get what it's like to be a LBS trying to piece a M together.
There are no simple answers or guarantees. The occassional post I receive, like the recent one from a junior member isn't helpful. I certainly disagree with that person's observation that nothing has changed. I don't think turning into an "alpha male" is the answer either (and it wouldn't be me). If anything, I'm trying to hold onto and cultivate my inherent strengths, and keep healthy boundaries with my W, rather than turn into someone who loses themselves trying to make her happy.
I think one can be quiet and strong. I don't feel weak or passive. I feel like I'm getting stronger, and happier.
Not being able to control one's spouse doesn't make one weak. Everything she does is not a reflection on me. I certainly am frustrated. I try to know when it's time to stand my ground, and when there are things beyond my control.
My W was wondering if I would be able to manage such a long flight. She found out that it's a nine hour flight from Dallas to Hawaii. She wants a pleasant travel companion.
What does this mean? It's too early to say. I don't want to overanalyze it. I will keep you posted.
Thanks so much for being there. This ordeal would be so difficult to go thru alone.
We had another private dance lesson last night. She wants us to to learn West Coast Swing, so that we can venture to other dance venues, and broaden our repertoire.
The hardwood floors look great.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Not being able to control one's spouse doesn't make one weak. Everything she does is not a reflection on me. I certainly am frustrated. I try to know when it's time to stand my ground, and when there are things beyond my control.[quote]
CL,
In all reality no one person should be trying to control another, only ourselves.
You are right in what you posted about the "alpha male" in my OP. We all have our own opinons and this is a good example. I wonder if the junior member read trough your thread to really know what is going on. I do however welcome any one who posts, they may not totally understand the sitch but, want to try and help in their own way. It is nice as long as they are suggestions, without trying to tell us what we absolutely should be doing, as there is no one perfect answer.
We are all individuls with different thoughts and needs.
Do you understand what Im'e trying to say?
Thinking of you.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
My W was wondering if I would be able to manage such a long flight. She found out that it's a nine hour flight from Dallas to Hawaii. She wants a pleasant travel companion.
Hi CL...is this something you find reasonable? Have you displayed anxiety or unpleasant behavior in traveling situations before? Just wondering if it's founded or not...any ideas what you can do to demonstrate that you can be a fun guy to be around? Then again, no need to beat your head against the wall if it's just another instance of W's hyper-critical nature and out of your hands.
BTW, I think you're doing a great job of dealing with a difficult sitch in your own way.
My W already thinks of me as a good travel companion. She's mentioned that it's one of our strengths. I think her anxiety is that our trips have always had less than three-hour flights, and she wonders if I can adapt. I don't have a reputation as being adventurous.
As far as working on being fun, I think I've earned my fun-guy badge from the many hours of taking dance lessons, and practicing with my W, and going-out to dance venues, and reaching a level of competency.
I think I've done what I can. A travel agent has sent us a tentative itinerary. I've expressed a willingness to go where she wants to go. I think it's time to let the process play itself out, and participate when needed.
Thanks for the compliment. I am dealing with things well in my own way. It's one thing to develop underdeveloped parts of one's personality, and another to try and be someone you're not.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Jak, Matilda, Aud, and Piecing Friends, My W is having a mood swing this week. After a few weeks of pleasant behavior, she has been consistently irritable. There is disruption in the house with the hardwood floors being finished. She doesn't communicate to me, so I don't know what's going on with her.
I ended-up going to the dance lesson myself tonight. I had a great time, practicing a samba basic step and combinations.
She will make plans without telling me, so I have to be prepared to entertain myself on short notice.
I'll work on facing whatever comes, with little reactivity. I think I'm skilled enough at this point to weather any difficulties that will come my way.
Chronic marital difficulties do teach the LBS that one must continue to cultivate happiness, or else be at the mercy of your spouse's moods and behavior. There is no way of telling which way this situation will go, or how long it will take to resolve itself, one way or another, so I better keep working at happiness.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
This is so smart.....I think the dance lessons and your poetry keep you going strong! How did your wife react to you going to the dance lesson by yourself? In the past (before you mastered the art of self care) would have you have stayed home? Does your wife become the ghost wife during a mood swing?
Do you still dance on Friday nights? If so, enjoy!
Matilda, Jak, and Piecing Friends, I did receive an email last night from my W explaining to me that she had a frustrating day of not being able to complete her errands, in addition to a very busy day at work. I hope she's able to get some rest this weekend.
I'll give her space unless she wants to connect.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Then again, no need to beat your head against the wall if it's just another instance of W's hyper-critical nature and out of your hands.