I just got done playing e-mail tag w/ W about filing for taxes. She is "concerned" that we may be audited if we have to file an extension two years in a row and that it will cost us money. I called our tax guy and he said to bring him our stuff tomorrow and he'll be able to get ours done in plenty of time. So, that will soon be off the table and finished, I hope.
I did speak w/ D for a few minutes and she said she met the parenting evaluator today w/ W. I can only guess that I'll be called soon to set up an appointment to have him meet w/ D and me. It sounded as if D liked him so that should mean she'll be comfortable around him when we go to meet him.
The whole thing makes me nervous. I hate not knowing anything about what he thinks, what lies W has spun, or even how I scored on those tests. The waiting for this is killing me and it can't be over soon enough.
Well, I still have to get print outs of e-mails and texts ready to send to the parenting evaluator, so I'll need to print out and sort all of those soon. That will not be too fun, but it is another needed step in this whole process.
I can only hope W's return to therapy will help her w/ her anger, denial and projection and that the parenting evaluator is a good one and will do the right thing and let me be w/ my D and not be snowed by W.
The whole thing makes me nervous. I hate not knowing anything about what he thinks, what lies W has spun, or even how I scored on those tests. The waiting for this is killing me and it can't be over soon enough.
Trust yourself RTL. You are an honorable man and a good dad. The evaluator will see that.
I am trying to stay positive. I can only hope now as it is out of my hands and in the evaluator's. I know who I am and I am praying they will see this as well.
I dropped off our basic tax stuff to the tax attorney and had to fill him in on the D. That brought me down several notches. I hate even discussing it b/c I'm struggling w/ how to present the situation. I really do still love her and I want my family to stay together. However, if I'm going to GAL, do I need to act "as if" I'm 100% fine w/ everyone I meet?
I also know I'm not doing as well as I can when I talk to W about being upbeat and acting "as if." Honestly, I am terrified to talk much at all, so I don't know how I can attempt to act "as if" W is glad to talk to me and do as the DR book says and "take advantage of every opportunity to show your partner that you are doing just fine w/out them." How do I do that if I'm not allowed to speak w/out fear?
Do I need to shut it down for now and wait on the DBing? If I do that, is there a hope I can stave off the D? I'm confused and it brings me down to think about it. I'm scheduling my 3rd call w/ the DB coach tomorrow, so that is my main focus -- "How to act as if..."
I came home after dropping off the taxes and fell asleep watching my beloved Mariners beat the Rays in Tampa. I was contemplating begging off going to the gym, but I was able to pull myself together and go.
Before I hit the gym, I pulled all the artwork W had asked for and the various little decorative items she requested and put them into the garage for her to pick up tomorrow after her therapy appointment.
W talked w/ me for a bit tonight when I called for D and she was nice b/c she needed things from me. Anyway, I did catch myself not being too upbeat and silent and switched gears when W asked if it was "ok for her to come and get things out of the garage tomorrow" and then following that up w/ "would you mind?" I replied in a positive tone "you can get the things whenever you want. They are your things and you should have them if you want them. Tomorrow is fine so just feel free to come by and pick them up." I hope I pulled it off, but I'll bring that up w/ the DB coach.
Oh, well. Now I'm trying to amp down from exercising and get to bed. I get to see D tomorrow, but I also have to go to the dentist and have him look at my crown that is giving me fits still (aka possible root canal --YIKES!). However, it will be fun for D b/c it will be her 1st "official" visit to go see Dr. Doug the Dentist. She's pretty pumped.
D is into "Kim Possible" on Disney right now, so I was able to find her a Kim Possible doll and it arrived today. If she gets scared at all, I'll let her know that if she's good, I've got a big surprise for her in the car. That should help w/ her fear and it is a nice card to have if I need to use it. She'll get the doll tomorrow anyway, but as a parent, it never hurts to have a safety net.
I still haven't heard on my appointment for the parenting evaluator, so I'm still anxious about that as W and D had their turn on Monday. It makes me over-analyze things, which isn't good even when you aren't going through a D. Oh, well. I'll keep waiting to hear and let you know what I find out.
You have answered my question from my thread - your allegiance is with Seattle teams instead of Phoenix. I used to like watching the Mariners a few years ago when they were a better team. What I am really looking forward too is our future basketball dynasty here in Portland. That is if management does not start making stupid trades. I think the Sonics are heading to Oaklahoma next year, but I never ever liked the Sonics (even though our coach was a Sonic).
Do I need to shut it down for now and wait on the DBing? If I do that, is there a hope I can stave off the D? I'm confused and it brings me down to think about it. I'm scheduling my 3rd call w/ the DB coach tomorrow, so that is my main focus -- "How to act as if..."
You don't have any control over the "D" train. Your wife is driving it. You focus on RTL and Grace. When you talk to W, talk about the Mariners game, your workouts at the gym, the silly things your students say/do--small talk. Those are upbeat subjects, and they don't put you at any legal risk.
Growing up in Western Washington, I've always been a Sonic, Mariner, and Husky fan. I've never been much of a Seahawk fan, however, as I grew up liking the Raiders b/c my brother loved the Hawks. Go figure. As for the Blazers, they do look very promising and I'll have no issue rooting for them. The Sonics may be gone, but today's news about they never intended to stay in Seattle may bite them in a few ways. We'll have to stay tuned on them.
I'm still not happy Nate McMillan is w/ Portland as he should have been a Sonic for life. He was one of my all-time favorites.
You are correct. Thanks for helping me to look at this a bit. I'm talking w/ my DB coach again on Monday morning and my entire focus is "how to act as if with my current situation."
I think you are spot on w/ the small talk and I'll keep focusing on that angle to get something - anything - started in terms of conversation b/t W and I.
W sent me an e-mail this morning seeing if it was OK to still come get her artwork, gave me an update on D's rash, and even said the landscaper coming over w/out us discussing cost 1st wasn't my fault as it was typical for our relationship w/ the landscaper.
I wrote her back and told her it would be silly for her to be near the house and not get her things, so I'd be able to stall w/ D a bit so she can get in and out w/out D knowing. W sent back an e-mail thanking me for being so considerate and even closed w/ "Have a good day." WOW! I hadn't heard anything like that from her in ages, so it was nice.
When we met at the dentist, she was still very nice and we were even laughing at how disgusting the stuffed animal from the parenting evaluator's office had been before they washed it. It was great and there was very little tension. I tried to play it as cool as I could and really enjoyed laughing w/ W again, so I think I did well w/ that one.
D and I did the dentist and she was AWESOME and w/out fear. That bodes well for the future. I may or may not need the root canal in the future, but we're hoping my crown work will do the trick. After the dentist, we rented "Enchanted," saw puppies, then bought some groceries. W sent texts saying she had left the house and I told her via text how great D was at the dentist. Again, we were getting along well for the better part of the day.
However, it all turned about 7:15 when W sent a text saying "Hey! I'm so excited to hear from your L that you are no longer fighting me for 50% custody of D."
This was in response to our letter to her L on Thursday which demanded a retraction of W's misleading claims against me and specifically said I was "not fighting for 50% custody of D, but rather asserting his rightful claim to that custody. Using your client's logic, she is the one who is fighting to maintain primary custody of D."
I didn't (and won't) reply. W had obviously recieved her mail before the text went out to me, so all of our good feelings from the day are basically gone. That is what is too bad about this legal mess we're in. I can only hope more time will allow us to communicate like we were for most of today. I liked that feeling. It was nice.
I made D steak and we watched "Enchanted" (which she really liked) and then I put her in bed. Tomorrow I'll take her to see her "old" friends at her original daycare, so that will be a good chance for her to play a bit. I'm not sure what our plans are for tomorrow after work/school except for a trip to the Dog Park w/ the boys. Saturday is also up in the air right now, but we'll find something to do to keep us active and having fun.
