Steve, I compare where you are now versus where you were when you first got here and it is nearly night and day. Very similar as many - I dont want to look back at my first month on here as I was doing the same dumb things. I too had OM1 and OM2. I dont know where those guys stand anymore and dont care. I have no idea of W's contact with them and dont want to know. If she wants me, she will profess it to me and I will learn to trust her. I hope you are on the same path.
As for moving back to Japan, is this something that your W would be happy with? Are you going mostly to escape your parents or more to get W away from OM1/2? Just remember that there are still men in Japan the last I checked. What I am trying to say is that dont move there as a means of escape. If you truely feel life was more enjoyable in Japan, by all means move there.
As you know my W is from Asia also. The thought of living there has crossed my mind as I always liked visiting, but I think in the long run, I would miss where I was from too much. That is just me and I know of many westerners that have made the big step and become an expat in asia with much happiness. You have lived there before and it sounds like you liked it. If you feel it is your destiny in life to emerse yourself into Japan culture and language - do it as it will make you a better and more happy person. Just dont do it for the wrong reasons and live later to regret it.
Kerry, I am not trying to escape, I just want to go somewhere I/we can be happy.
CBK, dont worry about the tux, I am sure James Bond had lots of good times in his bathrobe too!!
Few positives.
W bought my bithday presents, albeit 10 days early, and not wrapped. But she bought me a lovely leather bag I wanted and the new James Bond movie... (is this a hint from her!LOL)
I have been massaging her alot, and she has been very appreciative.
My kisses are getting closer, started off on the cheek near the ear.lol Now starting to overlap her lips slightly. She always giggles a bit when I do that now. Playfully tells me to stop. I tell her `soon`, she jsut smiles at me.
I was massaging her lower back in the bed last night, me behind her. I started to kiss her neck. She told me to `not make her horny, as she needs to sleep`. I laughed and said `oh I can still make you horny then?` Again, just a coy smile.
We were watching the TV and the man on the show was being an alpha male. W said that he was a cheeky man. I asked good cheeky or bad cheeky? She said good cheeky. I asked `how about me`? She said good cheeky!
OK I think I am getting there. I am taking my postion back as her man slowly but surely. ANd she is moving back into the position of my woman. She wants to follow me I am sure of it. I just still need to prove a bit that I can lead her. I think she is liking our interactions for the most part.
Thats enough for now.
Cheers
Steve
Me 27 W 30 M 2yrs/ T 5yrs Expecting our first child Sept 08 warning bomb (has feelings for someone) 21/12/08 I found out about OM (by snooping) 14/1/08 Living together.
One other thing that I knew W had said to OM, and to me. She cant think about other people at the moment, she is busy in work, her bodies condition is getting worse, her migraines are getting worse... so she cannot think about too many things. She is just thinking about her and the baby. SO I guess that she is in a holding pattern at the moment. Dosnt want to deal with the wrench of letting OM go (or me?) at the moment. SO when she gets better she may be more inclined to do something about the sitch. All I can do is keep making myself the more attractive option.
You may see "holding pattern", but I see "coming around but afraid to take too big a step just yet". Which is perfectly OK. Time and Patience, still your best friends.
Originally Posted By: steve477
Kerry, I am not trying to escape, I just want to go somewhere I/we can be happy.
I know what you are saying, but I still want to say what's probably obvious: Happiness doesn't come from other places any more than it comes from other people. Happiness comes from inside - and once you "get" that, you will be happy regardless of who is around you and where you are.
Originally Posted By: steve477
I was massaging her lower back in the bed last night, me behind her. I started to kiss her neck. She told me to `not make her horny, as she needs to sleep`. I laughed and said `oh I can still make you horny then?` Again, just a coy smile.
Is it just me, or is it hot in here?
Originally Posted By: steve477
OK I think I am getting there. I am taking my postion back as her man slowly but surely. ANd she is moving back into the position of my woman. She wants to follow me I am sure of it. I just still need to prove a bit that I can lead her. I think she is liking our interactions for the most part.
Seriously, you are doing so well and it's wonderful to see her coming around like this. You know, it wasn't that long ago that a positive sign like this would have sent you way off course - now, you are sticking to your DBing with strength and patience. GOOD MAN!
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
It helps the way other people put things, I am sure you know.
Just a quick ramble before work.
W was a bit down last night. Tough timeat work, her boss is being a bit mean. Saying about how it would be easy to find a replacement for W when she goes on Maternity leave. W beleives in karma (of a kind). She thinks that what goes around comes around and her boss will get some of her meaness back at her later. W does seem to think that she has dome anything bad and this is her karma. In her mind it seems that being with this OM is not a bad thing, it is something that must have happened for a reason. Annoys me a bit.
W is wanting (at this moment) to go back to the same job after maternity leave. She says that since she started this job, and helpiung people like she is, she has kind of found the meaning of her life. People appreciate her. I told her that I appreciate her, but she thinks it is different. I told her that I know her feelings about going back there, and she knows mine. There is no point to talk about this no, as thing may well be different by the time we get there. I know people have told me not to have any pre expectations for how the R will work out. But I dont think I am out of line to expect her to not go back to the same office as the OM, IF she wants the M to work out.
OM2 bought some baby clothes. W didnt want to show me as she thought it would upset me. I think I handled it well. W knows that it is one thing for OM to be innappropriatly interested in her, but it is worse for OM to be inapproriately interested in my baby. W admits that it might be a bit too much. Apparently OM2 refers to himeself as `Uncle`. I said that I want to speak to him. W said she will handle it if it needs handling.
Thats about it.
W going out for works party tonight if she is feeling well enough. I will go out to the cinema I think.
Cheers
Steve
OH BY THE WAY..................... ITS A GIRL!!!!!
Last edited by steve477; 04/25/0806:55 AM.
Me 27 W 30 M 2yrs/ T 5yrs Expecting our first child Sept 08 warning bomb (has feelings for someone) 21/12/08 I found out about OM (by snooping) 14/1/08 Living together.
I'm happy to hear that you're doing the GAL. I hope that the cinema was enjoyable.
Your wife says that she doubts that you appreciate her. Appreciation is an action word. Therefore, without "pursuing" her, what could you do differently? Well, if she speaks about her boss, use active listening whether you agree or not. Also, give her space, and help around the house.
I commend you for not reacting upon seeing OM2's gift. You did a true 180!!! The 180s may not "feel" comfortable. However, it helps in turn-arounds, and prevents confrontations. When you do the 180s, your spouse is bound to take notice. Therefore, keep the changes going!
Girl not here yet. Really looking forward to it though. Me and W picked the name before we were married. Amelia.
I am really working on the whole active listening thing, this has been a big one for me, to not jump in and try and `fix it`.
I will keep trying to do the best I can.
Me and CBK are working on a list of `James Bond Skills` now. Should be fun!
Lanzo thank you for the reply. This is not how I ever imagine the run up to the birth of my first child, but lets look on the bright side... Ia m going to be a Daddy!! I was hoping it was going to be a girl too.
Back to work now!
Cheers
Steve
Me 27 W 30 M 2yrs/ T 5yrs Expecting our first child Sept 08 warning bomb (has feelings for someone) 21/12/08 I found out about OM (by snooping) 14/1/08 Living together.
You sound like you are doing a great job of keeping your wits about you. You aren't letting things get to you. That is a good thing. I don't know how I would handle W's work situation. That is a pretty delicate thing to handle. If she wants to still work with OM, she has to regain some trust from you. I don't know if that is going to be possible for such a short period of time. I wish you luck.
My thinking at the moment is we need a fresh start. IF the M is to improve. Admittly things may change in the meantime (eg OM gets hit by a bus... terrible arent I? :o) I am not trying to escape, W said that as well, says we cant run away as our problems will just follow us. I agree with that to a degree. No M is perfect, and I am not expecting to form a perfect M. As for going to Japan, I think it would be a nicer place to raise my daughter. I worry about the way this country is going. Also where we live now there is nothing for kids to do anyway. I know she isnt even out of the belly yet, but I keep getting told that the first few years will fly by, and I dont want to `suddenly` arrive 5 years later and not have changed anything.
My thoughts of going back to Japan, predate the `bomb` anyway.
I am going to adjust my signature a little.
I have ordered fresh croissants for breakfast tomorrow from my local farm shop. W is going to have that manicure I bought for her a couple of weeks ago in the morning, then off for breakfast and then we are going to see an Auntie of mine for the weekend. Then coming back to meet my folks so my Mother can take me shopping for my Birthday.
Busy weekend.
W not going to the party now, has had to work late. Boss getting her down again. I really dont understand why she wants to go back to work there.
Cheers
Have a good weekend all.
Arthur, CBK, I like your 007 ideas, especailly diving. Not overly keen on the life threatening ones... got a baby to think about now!
Steve
Me 27 W 30 M 2yrs/ T 5yrs Expecting our first child Sept 08 warning bomb (has feelings for someone) 21/12/08 I found out about OM (by snooping) 14/1/08 Living together.
The 180s may not "feel" comfortable. However, it helps in turn-arounds, and prevents confrontations. When you do the 180s, your spouse is bound to take notice. Therefore, keep the changes going!