BE STILL, QUIET, PATIENT, AND DARK

[TRUSTING]

I've tried this in the past, he just gets angry. When I am dark, he can only yell at himself.

[forward]

Trusting, Has it been a while? If so, you could try again.

I had this type of suggestion from DB C & I know how hard it is to make yourself vulnerable again, though....

It sounds as if he's still angry but in a weird way, even if he's angry at least he's interacting w/you, you know?

[glamgirl]

Are you really standing Trusting? I like what others have said. H I am sorry you feel that way. Instead you pushed it in his face about the mistakes of the past.

Forget the past Trusting! It's done and you can't change it. YOu will never be able to heal if you hang onto the anger and you forever hold up a wall between you and your h. I can just feel the heavy wall in your posts.

Give your h some credit. He admitted his life is not great. That is a huge step for a man. Thank him for admitting that.

If you want to reconnect it won't happen the way you are proceeding. Just my thoughts!

[cagzmom]

Trusting - you are DOING EXACTLY what you are suppose to do.

NO credit to your H. See this is where we (LBS'rs) get messed up. Our h's know our buttons. Of COURSE he admits his life isn't great BUT WHAT ACTIONS is HE taking to better HIMSELF!!

My example? MY H. THE BEST manipulator on the planet. His montra "my life is hard, my life is sad...etc etc." That is what USED TO PULL me in. Have you guys not heard of cake eating? WHEN THEY ARE DOWN they come back and try and "Feed" off of what was safe and pure and good....I AGREE wtih what trusting is doing.

Dark means she is leaving HIM ALONE to handle his issues. SHE IS NOT HIS answer. HE HAS TO FIND IT. He HAS TO FACE the truth of what he has done....

Why should she thank him for admitting what is obvious? Seriouslly? Maybe if he told her he was sorry for hurting her - for having an affair, for walking out on his family...yes THEN she should...ALL HE DID WAS SAY "HEY MY LIFE SUCKS..."

Acknowledge - be kind - thats all she can do. Stand? You stand by moving forward, making yourself a better person. By GROWING PAST them and letting them come to terms with stuff. IT ISNT OUR JOB to fix them. THEY HAVE TO find thier way through...

sorry just my $.15 --- I have "watched" trusting for over a year...she has followed DBing to a T. I truly believe that if GOD works on these MLC'rs and they CHOOSE to listen - there is NOTHING we can do to stop reconciliation...Just as there was nothing we could do about them walking out the door...it is ALL ON THEM...not us.

[glamgirl]

It's called having compassion cagz. If you are waiting for an apology or I am sorry. Expect to wait an awful long time or maybe an eternity. That's not what this is about!

Ask yourself what would draw your h home? If all you have to say is that is the life you chose those were your choices, why would your h come home or want to. There is NO reason to.

There is a lot you can do. It starts with forgetting the past, having compassion, letting go of the anger, stop putting your h down and looking beyond their mistakes and weaknesses.

Enjoy the moment, it's all you have! Don't waste your time on what once was, it's gone!

[cagzmom]

you are right about compassion - you are right on about moving forward, fogriveness etc. NO ANGER etc. positive is good - you are right.

[TRUSTING]

Glamgirl and Cagz,

Thank you for your responses. I appreciate both of you so much. I look at the advice and than use what is best in my situation. I always appreciate opinions.

[cagzmom]

and i always appreciate your honesty! =)

[jmw]

[quote] It's called having compassion cagz. If you are waiting for an apology or I am sorry. Expect to wait an awful long time or maybe an eternity. That's not what this is about![/quote

1st time H left, 1st A, 10 years ago he was remorsful and he apologised loads - MLC is different - he doesn't feel he has anything to apologise for he feels entitled.

He knows he has hurt people and continues to do so but at the same time he feels no reason to apologise.

An apology is what our sons are seeking, having been raised with manners they know they are due one. It saddens me to think that they will be waiting for an enternity for this to happen.

[SirPrizeMe]

Trusting, seems like you are seeing some peeks into the tent.

your response - "This is what you wanted." - seems to be not very empathetic? I mean, I get where you are coming from. Of course you would feel that way! The situation is the result of HIS choices.

But your pointing it out to him doesn't make it easier for him to come back.