#3 Did I find DB too late? Maybe not...

[houndfan]

So... progress is measured in inches not feet. I would say again that this is all good stuff. In reference to Retro, when we were S I contacted the local Retro folks and asked if I could pay the deposit to hold the spot in the event that W changed her mind about going (she was and still is against the weekend due to the religious connection).
The folks here in FL were great allowing me to submit deposit without commitment from W. In the end we did not go and I did not pursue the deposit back. The way I see it, a program so dedicated to saving marriage can use my money for effective means. You may want to ask for the same from Retro, then you can cross the bridge when you get there.
A side note on Retro, have a friend here whom went through the same process as the rest of us. She "sold" H on using retro as an opportunity to improve communication for the D. Sneaky approach, he agreed and they went. She shared that the first day was a disaster, but slowly they grew closer through the weekend. They are still S, but both admit that they will be back together soon. They both want to work the follow-up at Retro to be as strong as possible when they fully R. I think it is a sound approach and one that may work for you. It is not threatening to H and seems to work for them.

W and I are really going through a rough patch right now. I am involved in a project that has me working 100 hours a week literally and we have really pounded heads on household chores, boys etc. Difference this time, she has not been one bit critical so I know that I need not put my guard up. I understand her frusteration and feelings. If this happened a year ago it would be a nightmare for both of us with more blame storming than brain storming! Our marriage is so much stronger now than ever.

This morning before I left for work, I was talking to my uncle sharing with him my feelings about our M. I did not realize that W was awake and listening in from the other room.... anyhow, I made the comment about how lucky I am to have gotten past the pain and seperation. Even though things are tough for us right now, I am so much happier with my life and marriage. She came in and gave me the best kiss on the cheek and then went abou getting ready for her day. It's moments like that which tell me that we have made strides.

I am proud of you!

[cw68]

H and I are both a little hesitant about the religious aspect of Retro (we are both true atheists), but I feel comfortable that I can sift through the meanings separate from the Catholic part. I know my H is less comfortable with this, but the price difference makes up for it. There's no way I could interest him in an expensive weekend, but this is easier to sell.

Spent the afternoon together. Picked up my new bike (LOVE IT) and a helmet for his motorcycle. Tried to pry up more flooring, with little success. While making dinner, I started experiencing a visual aura, which has preceded migraine in me previously. Honestly, it freaked me out a little since I haven't had one of these in years. H told me to go lay down, close my eyes and not worry. He put dinner on the table, etc. He's always been a very helpful guy with household stuff, but this wasn't just going through the dinner motions, he seemed to be more concerned with actually helping me than with just getting dinner on the table. They went away (still haven't gotten the migraine that I assume will arrive sometime), we ate, put the kids to bed and he left to go pack for a business trip tomorrow. Got more nice hugs before he left. It's weird, btw, where his kisses stay simple (but not quick like they were before) but his hugs are where the changes show.

I'm out and to bed.

[cw68]

H is out of town for work. We emailed a few times today, friendly, fun emails. Took the kids out for a fun dinner with friends and we missed his goodnight call. Since it was past their bedtimes, they called but made it quick. I didn't talk to H.

Sent a two-word text to him on dinner tonight (Abalone: gross) and we ended up texting for an hour, he sent a few after he said he was off and going to bed.

[Virtually_Handsome]

(((((cw)))))

I told you you were not too late!

[cw68]

Well, we've definitely moved into the friendship stage. I just hope we can keep progressing. H is somewhat of a stubborn guy. But then again, so am I.

[cw68]

Well, I did it. Just put down a deposit and registered us for Retrouvaille. I had to the mail the deposit in and will get confirmation that there's space, etc. One weird part, it asks if you want one large bed or two separate ones, if there's a choice at the facility. I choose two separate ones because I wanted my H to get space if needed. Personally, I would have chosen one large one to "bond" more, but decided that not assuming we'd share a bed was a better bet.

It's not until July, so there won't be any quick updates here. I just hope and hope that in July we're in the space for it and that it will bring us closer together.

[Maya44]

CW, you can email them directly as well and ask if there's still space. The local ones here in IL have done that for me in the past as well. I've heard nothing but good things about Retro and look forward to going since H and I missed the last one that was set for this month (Retro had to cancel it). The one here too said that it wasn't very religious based that it's for all believers and non-believers so hope that eases things up a bit?

[newnamenewlife]

I continue to marvel at you, CW. I am having such a hard time with the anger still; tomorrow H&I are supposed to see our MC because he wants us to discuss S without me flipping out. I am sooo resistant and even more infuriated by his wanting to be considerate of me. He wants to know what I want as far as terms of S and him seeing the kids, etc. I am still feeling like the only thing I want is not to S, so it's a vicious circle.

I am also really pissed and hurt by the fact that he won't touch me at all--not even a peck on cheek hello and goodbye. What is that??? He pecks his mother on the cheek, for goodness sake!

[cw68]

I'm months ahead of you, LMG, my bomb was dropped in July of last year. The calm came to me about January. It takes too much energy and negativity for me to be angry. I can't change some things but I can change how I approach things. I can make this more or less difficult for my kids and I've decided to do things I can for them.

My H? He's the broken one. I can do things to better myself as a person and if he can't see what he has is worth working for, worth holding on to, then I ultimately can't make him. I'm trying to look at the forest, not the trees. Or the dam prickle bushes either!

[Sara]

You are lucky if they offer a choice of bed styles. Where we were all the beds were singles. And I heard a lot of complaints! I would ask your husband what he wants when it gets closer. There is plenty of time for intimacy at Retrouvaille. But we managed in single beds.