and there i was doing so well....

[hope99]

first, i just want to thank you all for being so kind and helpful. i really don't know how i could do this without you.

i was doing so well there for a couple of days. then the H came by last night and ruined it. the weird thing is that we are perfectly civil and friendly. no arguing or anything. but i think that's the problem...he wants to be buddies. blech!

he stopped by and brought dinner last night. and even picked up my favorite drink without asking. we chatted and i helped him pack up some more of his stuff. then he went back to his apt.

i walked back inside, locked the door and got slammed with that intense lonliness again. the deafening silence of the house nearly sent me over the edge. and i had been xanax-free the whole day. i started to feel that all too familiar panic rise up in my throat and was forced to take a pill.

he wants to come by again tonight to talk about our appt with the mediator. i tried to do it through im'ing him today but he was too busy at work. i think it's just too hard to see him right now. it's too hard to have him in the house and watch him pack up more of his stuff each time. i just don't know how to say no. i do want to be friends with him...eventually. that's what we started as anyway.

am i wrong here? is it ok to tell him i can't really see him and would rather email or talk on the phone?
i feel like my being "ok" with our sitch and GAL the past few days has gotten to him. he has texted me everyday to say what's up and make sure i'm ok. i don't want to give him any satisfaction or power or whatever by telling him i can't see him right now.

i'm confused. help!

[Jack_Three_Beans]

It is perfectly ok to say that to him.

You are not 'giving' him any power by doing so. In fact you should feel empowered by telling him so.

[hope99]

you think?

i have this stupid feeling that if i say no he will never ask to see me again.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Hope,

You know him better than me.

If you said, "You know, right now this is actually alot more emotional than I thought it would be, it is alot harder. I need some time, it is hard to see you at the moment, I need some time to adjust. Can we do this later?"

Would that work?

[hope99]

ok. i did it. he said fine. and that he didn't know it was upsetting me. i guess i was a good actor!

now i'm kind of sad that i won't be seeing him tonight. but i guess it's the best thing right now.

i need a distraction tonight. this sucks!