What to do to help H's Self Esteem?

[fandgmom]

H and I have been back together for 19 months now. His self esteem is shot. We even had a long talk about it the other night and he said he just feels awful about himself and the way he looks. (Background, from his perspective, if you will, he used to be a body builder and was always in great shape, etc...over the years, his multiple surgeries have caught up with him and he has been out of the gym for 2 years - he is not overweight, but he is also not what he used to be, in his eyes) He has been trying over the past month or so, to get back into shape, by taking Kung Fu 3x a week, he is doing great and he has lost some weight but he is not where he wants to be. Also, with taking the Kung Fu, it is hurting him in his shoulders mostly because that is where his surgeries were, so he is in pain alot of the time, but he is trying to do something.

I am getting tired of trying to make him feel good about himself. I know that I personally, have no control over that, it must come from within him. However, I am trying to be a good wife and support my husband in the self confidence department. I think he is the hottest, sexiest man alive. He does not believe that about himself. Every time I give him a compliment, he shoots me down with a negative remark about himself. I am getting to the point where I am getting sick of complimenting him and it meaning absolutely nothing to him. So, what do I do? It's a catch 22, if I don't tell him how I feel about him and give him compliments, then I am the wife who never says anything nice or complimentary to her husband. Which supposedly helps to shatter self esteems, right? and leaving her husband to think that his wife doesn't think he's attractive. But every time I do, I get a negative remark.

Like for instance, I was in a wedding 2 weeks ago. I forwarded him via email, a picture of he and I at the wedding. I titled the subject line "Wow! Look at my HOT husband!!!" and then I wrote "Damn!!!!" He texts me after he sees it with "I hate that picture" So I texted back "You're welcome. I think your effin hot." Then he texts back "Thanks. I just don't like that picture at all."

I seriously just want to give up in this department. I'm always telling him how hot I think he is. How gorgeous I think he is. And his response is always a negative one. I mean, how awful is it that he said he hated that picture? For crying out loud, I am in the picture! What about me???? And gee, do I get a compliment? Nope!

I'm sick of it. What do I do? Stop giving him compliments? And for the record, I am not blowing smoke up my H's arsh. I really, truly do feel that way about him.

[Rob1231]

I think the bottom line is: YOU can't solve this problem - only he can. Would he consider IC as an option?

[fandgmom]

Yeah, I know that. And he and I even touched on that very part of it. That it has to come from within him, that there is nothing I can do to make him feel good about himself. We both understand that only HE is in control of it. I just don't know what to do. It is very frustrating.

Speaking from experience, he would not consider IC.