this is so not like me to have said these things. I'm not sure what possessed me to say them and I don't feel good about it. I know that I can't take them back but I may never see my H again after saying these things.
My H wants to talk and I'm just not ready. After more than five months of his telling me he wants to talk I'm still not ready. So here's what I e-mailed him today.
1. If you want me to talk to you show me a reason to think that the conversation would be different. (I.e., until you stop seeing the OW as far as I'm concerned the situation hasn't changed.) 2. If you want the door to our relationship ever opened again for us it will have to be you who does it. 3. Don't ask me to come and talk to you. You will have to come to me.
I wasn't thinking when I sent those. There are many words in between but those are the high points.
This is so unlike me to say these things. Any chance that he will ever talk to me again?
He is at least e-mailing me right now...but it's all business.
Wow - good point. Probably not. Thanks MMF. Not sure how to go from here and he'll be out of town for the next seven days. Oh well. I guess I'm at the point where I'm ready to give up and let God see how he can fix it. It's just really hard.
To be honest, I agree with the basic premise of your points. He is the one who said he wanted to talk and you set some guidelines. It is what it is. Don't beat yourself up.
snowmm, It's never too late to apologize, if you didn't mean what you said or wished you said it in a different way. Would sending him a voicemail message to clarify or apologize help? At's possible to send a voicemail message without calling his cell phone, in case you weren't aware of this. -PH
Looking at this from a man's point of view, sometimes we have to be told in no uncertain terms to step up to the plate. Snow said what she meant. An apology would just make her look wishy washy. And when we see a woman being wishy washy, we can walk all over her. Give us an inch and we'll take a mile.
Well, I didn't apologize. Not going to because I don't want to look wishy washy. I didn't say them as harsh...at least I hope not but it was e-mail so who really knows...as they seemed here. I summarized for you here...it was about 4 e-mails total.
What I meant was...if he wants to talk to me...come to me and talk. Stop setting me up to talk to me. He doesn't want to talk to me...he wants to "have" a talk with me. When he just wants to talk he comes into the room I'm in and asks...do you have a minute so we can talk? So what's "the" talk about?
Unfortunately I have seen some major changes but I know he's still in contact with her daily and I know he sees her daily. He also works out of her house several times a week - I mean goes to her house and does work on her computer for his company. Gag!!! So I don't see why we have to "talk" if this relationship doesn't appear to have changed...unless he is leading her along and doesn't want to make it a "quick" conversation.
The changes I have seen are - he's much nicer to me than he was a year ago. The venum is gone - completely gone...I can't even make him mad anymore. He's taking care of the house more now. He's signed my b-day card "love always." He went to dinner with me and my parents and my girls (yep 2nd marriage) and more of my family. He sent me an e-card on Easter, Valentine's Day and my birthday. He was being so nice to me one day I asked him why and he said he was just being a friend. Today he told me to have a nice week (he's on travel). Told me that twice.
Scares me because he's being so nice. I wonder what he wants...besides to "talk."
So, even though I think I blew it yesterday today things seem to be the same.
Snow, I believe people rarely blow it with one or a few episodes of "losing it" with their MLCer. I don't know if it would have been good or bad to apologize for your conversation with your H.
Over the past year, I have had bad conversations with my W in the past but I cannot remember apologizing directly, i.e. I think I allowed my personality changes to come through to show who I am.
I know early on, I would apologize to her but I was all over the place and sounded so "wishy washy" and pathetic.
Keep us posted as to what is happening.
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
I may take a beating for what I am going to say but here goes.
I LOVE WHAT YOU SAID....
It shows confidence, boundaries and direction.
I see nothing wrong with what you said. It was not sarcastic or mean. It was too the point and what you need.
If you usually don't say those types of things it is a good 180.
It also shows major respect for yourself.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
