NoCode, Sorry about the job demotion. That sucks. My dept is being merged with another one as well and I'm not sure what my future is either! It's hard not to take it personally -- but that's business. You hang in there.
Hey brother.... not a whole lot of advice for you... Your doing as best you can and...well... that is all that can be asked of you.
When it comes to dealing with your STBXW.... do not take it personally. Stop blaming yourself, you did not cause her infidelity...... You might have dealt with depression but that is no reason for her to do what she has done. If things go the way my sitch has....her venom will continue to show when she is not getting her way. Then some what normal person shows up when she is.... Guess what... She is no longer your problem.. She has chosen this destructive path... Unfortunately you have to accept that decision....(it sucks.. I know...) But guess what? Life goes on... You will be involved in your sons lives.... You are their dad, she cannot change that fact. Stay out of her petty games and take the high road. Your kids will respect you for it in the long run.
You will be fine.. There is life after all this non-sense... Yes, I still think/believe D is non-sense.. But it is what it is. You have to accept the fact that she has the free will to choose what she is choosing..... As you know already know.. what is our faith unless we have the free will to choose to believe.
You will be OK.... You have my email if you ever need it.
NoCode, I'm doing well... going to be an interesting summer for me. Will have to update my thread later.
Scott said he didn't have a lot of advice for you, but he did ... don't take it personally, stop blaming yourself, etc. Words that are so hard to remember and take to heart during these times.
It's not all your fault. You didn't fail your sons. Yet, we all know, somewhere inside our loss of nerve ended up exasperating our wives and led them to darker paths. If you need to, go find a nice Catholic Church that is open for prayer, and go sit there for about half an hour. Tell God you are sorry. And let him forgive you. If you need to, tell your confession to Priest, and let him offer you the words of absolution. Cry if you have to. Wail. Scream.
Let it go.
And then..rise. Put the shame behind you. It's all been paid for. You know what I'm talking about.
Rise like a Phoenix from your ashes.
Theoden rose after letting his Kingdom fall to pieces.
Rise and take up your sword again.
The marriage may be over. But your life can begin anew. Your sons need a real man in their life. Make sure you stay in their lives. Fight for them. That fight might mean cooperating with your wife, it might mean only speaking though your lawyer to her. However, you need to stay in their lives.
go for the demotion. The same thing happened to me a few years back. Yes less pay but also less worries, I still had all my vacation leave and medical... you can always still look for another job while you are there..
Dr LOve
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Scott, Thanks for the words of encouragement. It is really great to hear from you! How are you doing? How are the girls? I'll be sending you an email if you don't post your sitch before that. STBXW... Yep. I've been wondering at what point that acronym clicks into place. I think it finally did for me Monday night. They say you know when it's over -- well, it's over. I'm no longer going to blame myself for trying and not succeeding. I just feel so bad for my kids -- they don't deserve this.
Joie, I'm looking forward to your post about how you're doing.
Theoden, I am extremely honored when you share your wisdom. I am but a simple housecarl -- well, not even that,... an humble thane, maybe? In any event I know my duty is to serve with honor for the sake of my children.
Originally Posted By: Theoden
It's all been paid for. You know what I'm talking about.
Yes. I certainly do, and it is a ransom I can never repay. Many thanks and best regards.
Tal, Husband, I have taken the lesser position -- as the reorganization unfolds I will adapt as best as I can, while renewing my search for another job. The drawback is that I will again be under 90 days "probation" for the new position -- which means the time served in probation for my current position was for naught. But the important thing is that I can maintain my benefits and accrued vacation time a while longer until I find something else.
The other benefit is that I am hoping that I will be able to convince my boss to allow me to work fewer hours -- "fewer" here means closer to the traditional 40-hour work week, instead of the 50 to 60 hour weeks now. That way I'll be free to take on additional time with my S's. It may be that this could turn out to be a blessing in disguise.
Tuesday morning, following the confrontation the night before, I decided to not put my wedding ring back on, as a trial. I put it on a chain I wear around my neck (along with my "Christian Soldier" dog tags).
It has taken a while to get used to. But I now feel like it was time. Maybe I am kidding myself, but I don't think I am. I am not going to work on it anymore. I am dropping the rope.
