I have been very honest about where we need to go. I don't want to give up our marriage. I am willing to do whatever but she doesn't feel that it is worth the effort. She has been hurt and scared by this experience. She doen't want to be part of my life. I do believe if I have the right tools I can make this marriage work but I don't know what to do. I have a session with a family therapist on tuesday. I had to switch my therapist because I didn't feel the other individual would help me.
I think you need to find a sex therapist. Perhaps go by yourself the first time and see what they suggest.
I am not suprised you couldn't 'perform'. Jeepers it can be scary enough the first time when lust and teenage hormones are involved. Where lust doesn't naturally exist it must be even more difficult.
I think what you are experiencing is very normal considering your situation. I imagine fear must be a large factor for you W as well. You say she is a doctor....I am assuming a medical doctor...that doesn't stop her being scared. In fact it makes running away seem very understanding.
Both of you got married knowing the situation. If you find a solution your wife may well be open for discussion.
Have you come across a book called Peace Between the Sheets? You might find it useful. Have you done any other reading around this subject area? The trouble is really, you can intellectually understand the problems, but emotions are involved which really complicates things.
Please, please, please go and find yourself a sex therapist. I am sure you are not alone in this.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Considering that you find your wife physically attractive:
If your wife is still stateside with you, make arrangements to spend the weekend in a posh hotel with her. Make one simple rule, all time inside the room is to be spent completely naked. No exceptions.
Make sure that you have a ready supply of your favorite beverages, fruits and chocolates.
Whether you make love or not over the weekend, get used to being with each other naked. I bet you won't make it a day without having sex.
One thing you should understand about porn, very few people actually enjoy sex the way it is depicted in porn. Even fewer practice sex the way it is depicted in porn. Porn is nothing more than sexual entertainment, there is little that is real about it. If you are expecting your wife to perform like a porn actor, then you seriously need to gain some understanding about what sex with a normal woman is like, and especially gain some understanding of female sexuality. If you study normal sexual behavior, then over time, you will find the act of sex/love making between two people quite fulfilling, yet leaving you wanting even more.
NOPkins
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
We'll yes traditional arranged marriages are meant for the girl to left her house and move in with someone. The problem with our marriage was we never got to spend any time during our engagement. I was in the US when I got engaged and she was away.
I met her after a year and in 2 days got married, we came to ATL and she stayed with me for a year. I just had a difficult time accepting my reality. No physical or mental connection, or chemistry. I've lived in the US for over 15 years so the transition was a little challenging. But I thought with passage of time it we would understand.
She is a very patient girl but she felt that it would never happen and she left me. I don't know what to do?. I have this mental block that and I need god's blessing to save my marriage.
