W moved out at beginning of Feb. for the second time. Admitted when she came back first time she didn't really want to, but couldn't afford to live on her own. Now she has moved out again. when she moved into the apartment, she quit her job. Now she doesn't have a full time job.
She has kept saying she was coming to get her clothes from this house. Well, after waiting and waiting, I packed her clothes up and they are waiting by the front door for when she comes to get the kids tonight. Is this a good idea to have them by the door waiting on her when she gets here?
Or do you think I will look like i am giving up on her coming back again? We have been cordial to each other. I have not mentioned anything about R since she left. No ILY's or IMY's. Not being depressed around her. Not happy either, but just even keeled all the time. Should I just let the clothes stay here until she wants to get them.
She is talking to OM everyday. He lives about two hours from here, so i think they only see each other every so often. I don't want to be a doormat. Any thoughts would be appreciated.
She came over to pickup the kids and saw the stuff by the door. She asked of that was her things. I said yes. She said she couldn't get them. I asked her if she wanted me to load them into the van for her. She said then she would have to ride around with them in the van. I didn't say anything else. Then when she saw me sitting on the couch, she asked if I was going to put the stuff into the van. I did.
She seemed a little aggravated about it. I have no idea where her mind is right now. I believe she thinks she has a plan but she is not letting me in on it. I don't know if I am supposed to know or not. She hasn't said anything about a D since October. The last thing I said to her R wise was I am having trouble letting her go. I would really like to see us make it. She didn't say anything. That was two months ago.
i have been getting GAL. Joined a BB league. Painting the house. Anything to keep my mind off of this. But then I have to come home to this big empty house.
I am hoping the OM will fade out of the picture soon. He is just separated also. So I figure he is not ready to settle down with just one person now. At least that is my wish.
Hmmm, sorry I didn' tsee this earlier. It feels a bit passive aggressive to me. What were you trying to accomplish? How was it going to help you achieve your goal?
You may have to explain what was passive aggressive about it. I wasn't trying to accomplish anything other than helping her get her stuff.
Truthfully, I no longer know what my goals are. They used to be to have her smile at me and ask me how I was doing. I want my goal to be to stop worrying about what she is doing. I can't get there. Just when I think I am close, something happens to bring it all back.
I was seeing it as passive aggressive because you were passively trying to get her to finish leaving the house. You forced the action upon her, but in a passice manner. If she wanted her stuff, she would have gotten her stuff, you didn't help her with anything. (Reading that it wounds harsh, please, read the words not the tone!)
If you dont' know what your goals are it might be a good time to go back to the beginning! I could use a dose of that, myself!
You know, i have been reading posts for a while. Just lurking. It would seem that my W and I are getting along well together. We don't argue. We can be around each other, and although i am a little tense, she seems indifferent. She may be putting on a front like 'don't let him see you struggling' type of face. I know she has to be struggling though, because she is not working full time. she is only working part time at a department store.
So that leads me to thinking that she wants to be apart from son badly, that she will struggle and ask her parents for money just to make it. That makes it difficult for me to comprehend. I know we have had our problems, but good goodness.
So, back to my goals.
1. Get W to ask me how I am doing. 2. Get W to ask me out on a date. 3. Get W to want to spend the night here. 4. Get W to want to spend more than one night here. 5. Get W to want to move back here.
I know these are too W focused, but that's where I am right now.
I am still working on my own personal goals. I already started fixing the house. I joined a basketball league. Other than that, I am still working on them. And me.
W called last night and said D8 does not want to stay with her in the new apartment. She wants D8 to stay with me the whole week and S6 to stay with her. She says she believes it will pass and D8 will get used to staying in two places. She sounded real down about it last night. I told her it was fine for D8 to stay with me.
I don't want the kids separated like that. But I don't know how to relay that to W without it causing a disagreement. I want to be firm without it seeming like I am being a jerk. Any ideas where to go from here?
