Hope - xanax will only make you numb for a little while and stop the panic attacks. It's quick acting so most doctors will prescribe it to calm you down quickly. It's basically Valium. Did your doctor suggest anti-depressants? I didn't start them right away but I had to when I couldn't keep from crying practically every time I took a breath.
Did the C make any suggestions for coping? It usually takes several visits before they get to know you well enough to make really super constructive suggestions. Keep going and know that we are all here for you.
EAT! NOW!! I know you can't swallow, it feels like your stomach is at the base of your throat and if you eat anything it will just come straight up. You need to eat or you will only feel worse and worse. Even if all you can get down is tea and toast, do it. Go get some Ensure at least. It will give you vitamins and keep your body going.
You must get out of the house Hope. Take the dogs for a walk.
No matter what, do not beg, grovel, cry, or plead. That will nothing but make you feel horrible and drive him further and faster out the door. He will see that as reaffirming his decision to get out of the M.
Be good to yourself Hope. Contact your family and friends by phone. Talk for hours! My best friend lives on the opposite coast so we spend a lot of time on the phone.....A LOT! Good thing we have the same cell service provider!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
the doctor didn't say anything about anti-depressants. maybe i should ask? i feel like i can't even make basic decisions right now. this isn't me!! i hate it!
i went to visit my father-in-law yesterday. he just got out of the hospital and my sister-in-law was there with her kids and i had to excuse myself to cry in the bathroom. i just kept thinking how i wouldn't be a part of the family anymore. and that may be the last time i would ever be there. they are being very supportive but at the end of the day they are still his family, not mine.
i really want to pack up and move home with mom and dad. but i know that's a cop-out. they would love for me to come home but i'm 31 yrs old and i'm not sure moving back in with mom and dad would be the best thing right now. even though it would be very comforting.
i know i can't stay here in new york...too many memories. i just need to decide whether i'm going back to ohio where my family is or to phoenix where my best friend is. it think there are more opportunities in phoenix but i know my friend has a husband and child and may not have alot of time for me. at least in ohio i have my family. i'm just so confused!
i had to muster up every ounce of strength to make it to work today. i keep excusing myself to go cry but at least i'm here.
thanks for the support everyone. any advice or comments are much appreciated right now.
Me: 31 H: 29 T: 10 yrs M: 4 1/2 yrs 01/08: MLC 03/17/08: H moved out no kids 3 dogs
big hugs)))))))))) It will be ok, trust me, you will be ok, you CAN become stronger and an even better person without him.
About the mediator, you dont' have to go if you aren't ready. When my H and I separated in 05 he got a lawyer right after he left (he found out he could've been in trouble for abandoning the home). I bought time when he wanted me to fill out separation paperwork by telling him I was not ready at all to think about that stuff, that I was dealing with my pain.
He CANNOT push you to go to the mediator, he's just going to have to cancel that appt he made, tell him so, that you are in no shape to deal with that right now, he's just going to have to sit his butt down and wait.
Tipical WAH, he wants a quick fix, in his mind he's gone and it's over so he wants it over with. You dont' have to follow HIS schedule AT ALL.
Unless there is lots of $$ and you guys own property there is no rush to do anything, you dont' have kids either. I'm appalled he has the nerve to stay in your bed after asking for a D so soon, not sure this is healthy for you, I know you dont' want him to leave, but it's making you beg him and cry when he's there.
Tell him if he wants time and space you are willing to give him that, but that you can't make any major decisions right now (really, do not seriously think of moving).
Don't know if you are a believer, but I made it through prayer, even if my prayer only consisted of sobbing "please help me, i'm hurting". You will make it, trust me, you can live a life without him, this is not something you want to hear but it is the truth.
This doesn't mean it is the end, lots of things can happen between today and tomorrow/ next week. Asides from a psychiatrist please go see a C, you need a person IRL to talk to and to guide you.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Hope, I know how you feel...we have all been there. I agree with MRsH and everyone else who said you should consult a lawyer. You do not have to file...just get information.
This just happened and no decisions need to be made now. You do need to eat and rest and begin going out, even for a walk with your dogs.
I feel sick for you because I remember the feelings well..I did what you did, pleading, begging, crying making him feel guilty.
H left me with the same excuse that he needed to think things over...the next day he wanted a D...within a month he was living with OW. I also have a very stubborn H and I swore that even if he didn't want the D he would go through with it because it was something he started and he would never want to admit he was wrong.
I stopped talking to him unless I had to. (we have two small children) I did see a L for information and I had no intention of filing for D. If H wanted it he was going to have to do it without help from me. I continued to put my children first and tried to GAL. H filed for D in March of 2007 and we went to court in June 2007 for our preliminary meeting.
I faked it and made it all business...H had no idea what was going on with me and I guess it made him really think because a week after we went to court...H came to me to say he made a mistake and wanted to come home.
He withdrew the divorce and we have been going to MC ever since to get our marriage back on track.
Hope...there is hope. Give it time and patience!! If H moved out why is he staying at home in your bed?? Sounds to me like he is not totally ready to do anything!!
You will find so much support here, we have all been there, the tears, being sick to our stomachs, not being able to imagine moving forward with life alone...vent here and you will receive great advice from people who care.
i'm hanging in. actually better than i thought. H finally went back to his apt and i'm ok. i thought i would be a big mess but i'm still kicking!
and i'm definitely a believer! i've been praying like never before. and maybe it won't get him to come back to me but at least it will help me get through and give me strength. if there's any other believers out there say a little extra prayer for me tonight. i need it!!
i did go to the mediator with him tonight. it was weird to say the least. to break down our life together into this whole financial issue is very weird. i didn't sign any papers, we just talked. it seems reasonable and economical so i'll give it shot. i decided to stay a good person. i did and will continue to do the right thing. i don't want to be one of those bitter divorced man-hater ladies. and i think i do want to be friends with him someday. i don't want to take him for everything he's got. plus he happens to be very generous right now (guilt maybe??) so i'll take advantage of that!
and the quick fix thing isn't really going to work out anyway. did anyone know that in new york you can't cite irreconcilable differences?? you only have 3 choices...cruel & inhuman treatment, adultery, or abandonment. he hasn't done any of those things. so he was really surprised to hear from the mediator that he would have to file separation papers and we would live apart for 1 year before we can legally get divorced. hahaha!!! he won't be getting his quick fix afterall! and he will legally be the "abandoner" so more leverage for me! sorry if i sound crass i'm just grabbing onto anything that makes me feel better right now.
i'm flying out in the morning to visit my family in ohio. i need a little unconditional love right now and who better than mom to give that?! unfortunately she doesn't own a computer and the H has the laptop so i won't be online for a couple of days. just don't want anyone to think i did anything drastic!
have a good weekend everyone. and again thank you so much for the support. this was an ok day but i'm sure there will be some more bad ones. you will all be in my prayers. bless you.
Me: 31 H: 29 T: 10 yrs M: 4 1/2 yrs 01/08: MLC 03/17/08: H moved out no kids 3 dogs
glad you are going home for some good ol family loving)))))))) you can always go to the library for internet
My earnest prayers your way, know that you will go through all the usual stages: shock, anger, acceptance (this one takes a while). Enjoy the good days and when the bad days come know that they will pass.
My H and I are also using a mediator, dont' know how much stuff you guys got done in the first appt, but please please do see a L!! I was sooooo glad I did when I first went to see one before my mediation appt, I was ignorant of many things and the L showed me alternatives which I would've never figured out in 200 years. You dont' need to retain one to talk to one, I just asked for a consultation and got the best advice ever.
The SA was drafted on monday and on tuesday I went back to the same L to have her check it to make sure it is on my best interests, and sure enough she found a few holes and recommended a few amendments to it.
Good luck hope)))))))), what really is giving me peace is my blind faith in GOd, that he will bring me out alright through this trial, that he will make all things work out for me even if I dont' understand the way things are going now.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
couldnt resist one last look before i left...even though it is 5:45am! i never thought of the library. i will definitely use that if i'm jonesing for some DB online!! i actually can't wait to get to the anger part. my therapist tried to take me there and i couldn't do it. i'm hoping that part of it will hurt a little less than what i'm going through right now. everyone keeps telling me to see a L. i guess i should probably talk to one. ugh! that just makes it seem so final. i'm right there with you cat...blind faith. i'm hoping god is going to get me through this and help me to understand why it's happening. b/c right now it feels all wrong
talk to everyone soon!
Me: 31 H: 29 T: 10 yrs M: 4 1/2 yrs 01/08: MLC 03/17/08: H moved out no kids 3 dogs
it is wrong, as seen on this board we suffer because of other people's poor choices.
Seeing a L only means you are covering your bases, doesnt' mean ti's all over or final, you are protecting yourself . I was sick before my appt with the L, afterwards I was so glad I went! I felt much lighter and knew I had done the right thing.
A one time consult should be about 200$, you cannot NOT afford to see one, please consider it.
Have a great trip!
This is from today's Joel Osteen's devotionals through email, I love them all! ----------------------------- "When they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs. The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings" (Psalm 84:6).
Do you feel like you are walking through a tough place in your life today? When you walk through the “valley of weeping”, God is walking with you. He wants to strengthen and empower you to keep moving forward. He is leading you to a place of blessing and refreshing! Be encouraged today, it's not over until God says it's over, and He always causes us to triumph! The Bible says that weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning! It also says that the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn shining brighter until the full day. No matter how dark your circumstance may seem, you are on a path that is shining brighter and brighter. Know today that there is a place of victory on the other side of your challenge. Keep believing and keep expecting. As you continue to meditate on the goodness of God and declare His favor in your life, you will be strengthened and refreshed in your inner man. You will rise higher and higher, and you will live the life of victory the Lord has in store for you!
A Prayer for Today
Father in heaven, thank You for leading me to my place of blessing. I trust that You are faithful and believe that You have a good plan for my life. Help me to always hear Your voice so I can follow You all the days of my life. In Jesus' Name. Amen.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
