Toward the end of last Summer we were getting closer and closer. We had gone from enemies (in anger stage she HATED me) to a budding friendship. I was doing things for her, she was very appreciative and we were beginning to enjoy one another's company. It was during this time that she said to me, "We're getting along together so well, who knows what could happen down the road?" She also commented to a mutual friend that if had been like that a couple of years ago we wouldn't be geting a D.
Then without warning I recieved D papers (something she had initiated MONTHS earlier). I was blown away, angry and felt betrayed again. She was not happy either as this is not the way she instructed her L to do it. We both got major defenses up and trench warfare ensued.
More recently (since Christmas?) things are much relaxed again. We haven't had a major fight since Halloween. She has definately taken notice of me. She once again has expressd jealousy at the possibliity of me being with someone else.
Weirdness: She got angry with me a couple of weeks ago when she asked me to keep the kids for her and I didn't (it was her week to keep them and I was trying to distance myself and give her a taste of D life). She made the comment, "This is why we're getting a divorce." At the same time she said "I know we're getting a divorce anyway, but you should have helped." Either she was trying to re-engage me or angry that I interrupted her cake eating.
Also, when I have moved away from her she has responded with anger. As I look back it's when I do more for her and engage her more that she has responded positively (see above). I'm trying to do more of what has worked and less of what hasn't.
I feel like I can always pull back, but won't be able to easily move closer after I have done so. I also haven't flirted much with her since we separated (never was skilled in that area), so I might as well give it a shot now.
Speaking of flirting: I texted her after I got home tonight and mentioned how good she looked and how "dangerous" the high heels she was wearing were. She immediately text responded "thanks."
After reading over my post I think i'll go find a wall to beat my head against. Preferably one with a nail sticking out of it.
Last edited by sleeper; 04/03/0802:31 AM.
"The answers are within you" (can't remember who). Unfortunately, so is the bullshit.
After reading over my post I think i'll go find a wall to beat my head against. Preferably one with a nail sticking out of it.
Sleeper, you are quite the character! I feel your pain but you have a terrific, wry honesty and wit in your writing that is profound and hilarious at the same time.
What a conundrum--closer or further? You've been holding a tough ground for a long time. FWIW, I thought that was a pretty good text flirt!
15 months is a long time to be separated. Still, it's all I have to determine my course of actions (History is prolog?).
W doesn't want me to pursue her. I've tried to kiss her maybe three times during our spearation (last time was Halloween). When I have moved away from her, going dim, she gets angry at me, and uses the sitch to justify why she wants a D (d*mned if I do and d*mned if i don't).
There is a specific "place" she wants me. Not too close, but not out of her reach either. So what do I do?
1. Stay where I am? (allowing a degree of what I consider "cake eating" by her)
2. Go dark/dim, and risk the anger? (She filed for D during one of her fits of anger because I began ignoring her)
"Should I stay or should I go? Should I stay or should I go? If I go there will be trouble. If I stay it will be double.
It's always please please me................"
"The answers are within you" (can't remember who). Unfortunately, so is the bullshit.
Go Dark / Dim. She wants her cake and eat it too. You are reacting to her. Let her file. Do you want to have a relationship based on fear?
What Frank said. She is manipulating you. She gets angry when her manipulation doesn't work. Don't ignore her. Just detach. It will be hard, because she will say and do horrible things to get you back into her manipulation program. You will have to face your fear. Call her bluff.
Me: 51 W: 50 M 24 yrs EA: since Apr 06 S22, S26, S28 ILYBNILWY:Nov 07
"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." Tyler Durden
If I was nice, H would be nicer. But when he started to seem comfortable he'd refuse any favors I offered. You know, didn't want little Breton to get her poor, sad hopes up. I felt like a puppy dog to which he could give a little attention biscuit and I am just tired of that.
If I do say so myself, I look good, there's always the 8.6 million, and I deserve better.
After discussion w/DB C, I decided dim is the way to go. I think it is healthier for me. I think it is definitely stopping the chase. If it doesn't work, I can say I really did try everything to the best of my ability.
I remembered way, way back when H and I started dating. He dumped me early on. Wanted to come back to see me. I said no. I liked him but wasn't in love with him yet and frankly had other options. I was going out of town. H pleaded to come back. I said OK, but you have to come on a day that fits my very busy schedule. Showed up w/flowers and I took him back and we were together from that point.
So a-dim I will go.
And if H shows no interest, well, I am at peace with that. D2 and I will be OK.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
frank-D: The truth in what you posted rang through the first time I read it.
Bombadier: What happened to you? Did you go stealth on us? Yes she is very controlling. My C was amazed at how controlling she was from the start of this. You pegged it.
Breton: I'm with you. My portfolio took a little bit of a hit with the mortgage crisis thing (that's what I get for being "conservative") but it's still there. And yes, you are worth it.
Breton, looks like you could use a little courage, frank-D, would you like a heart? And Bombadier, uh-o I ain't going there. All I know is I want to get back to Kansas.....
Wereeeeee off to see the dimmer, the wonderful dimmer of OZ. He is he is a dim of a dim if ever a dim there was......
"The answers are within you" (can't remember who). Unfortunately, so is the bullshit.
