I don't know if any of you here will remember it's been months and months since I've been around (actually probably close to a year now!!), I think my last post was.... Thread
Quick rundown of my sitch would be
H and I have been seperated since Decemeber 12 2005. April 12 is our anniversary this year would've been number 5.
H has 3 children and one on the way. I have two girls Felina who is almost 4 and Kiya who is almost 2. H's little boy will be 1 in June.
I don't know when his next baby is due, not my business really.
My problem as it stand is this:
As soon as I try to grow a backbone and tell him we are getting divorced, he either throws threats, gets mean, or goes the complete other direction and cries and says he'll fight it he doesn't want it to be over. He and I have been talking for about 6 months again now, "trying to work on it" per his request, I was trying to divorce him, and he pleaded his way back in... then obviously turned around and played his game again.
I just don't know how to proceed. I do not want to DB this, in the sense of fixing our marriage. I want to DB myself out of the depression that has taken hold since I found out he is having another child....
Any questions, comments, advice, 2X4's I will accept gratefully.
H is on probation FINALLY after our fight in 2006. He is working and paying support, again FINALLY!!!
I have been working for about 7 months, it's not much but I love the people I work with and it keeps me busy, and the bills are all paid. The girls are in daycare and LOVE IT, they are learning soo much.
In my sitch with my H (my other life, I've taken to thinking of it as) I've come to realize that I don't love (heck I don't even know) the person that he is today. He's been gone for 2 and a half years almost, he's been living with another woman, he is different. As am I. I am stronger, I have realized that I absolutely do not need him to survive. I have done that. He may have won the battle, but I am winning this war.
I have realized that I miss the companionship, I miss the old relationship, the one that will never come back. I have realized that we are trying to revive a skeleton when we go at this relationship again, duh EMILY! I just don't know where to go from here?
A ghost! I saw the name, and about fainted! Sometime in the past few weeks, your name had flashed through my head, and I wondered how you were doing! So I am glad to see you post. You sound like a different person! Hard to believe your baby is almost two. I think that means I've been here too long too!
PDT is a great guy, but there has been some running afoul with a moderator who (in my opinion) got out of control (now I might get whacked, but so it goes) so he has a touch of well deserved cynicism in his post!
It sounds like you have done a lot of growing up, and your H is still the same little boy he was when you were first here! Is this still with the same OW? Not that it really matters. Is he still driving a truck, and never at any known spot?
So, how can we get you out of your funk about him having yet another child with "her"? I guess I would say you need to detach, yet again! I m guessing you were there when you thought you were getting divorced, but then he managed to pull you back in. So, I think you need to get back on the D path again. But this time, don't listen to he pleading and begging. And if he gets mean? Well, is that who you want back? At this point I would tel him that if he really wants a relationship with you it is going to START after you are divorced, and he can prove to you that he deserves another chance. Stick around, you'll get support here! I'm going to make sure Amy knows you are here. She been through crap (as you know) but she is still Amy!
I was hoping some of the "old" familiars would come around. Thank you for your words of encouragement.
Yes, I honestly needed the time away... I took a vacation from my life if you will. I devoted myself to learning to live with myself, I had to learn to not just "get by" to not just think of what I am doing now as my "inbetween" or "until we are back together". I had to relearn my life. I realized that he is my "inbetween" he is my "until...((whatever))" this is my life, and he is NOT part of it.
I am not only surviving I am thriving!
I went about three months without talking to him from August 2007 - October 2007. I got all my divorce papers, put things into action, got my job, got myself stablized. and then we had court.... and I started thinking about Kevin. I put myself into a tail-spin, but I stuck to my guns enough to tell him I had everything needed to file I only needed him to show up and OK for the notary, etc. I had all the custody everything, I just needed his signature. He told me he and OW had been broken up and he was thinking of me, etc etc etc etc blah blah blah blah. I fell back in, I let all my hard work slip away. I believe everything he said, until one day he called and told me she was pregnant again, he had been lying for 6 months, he was living with her etc etc etc blah blah blah.
So here I sit, in the same old hole... at least I know where the ladder is now, it's only hard to get up the engery to climb it again...
I have missed you all... I am back..... I want to work on this... but I want to do it the right way!
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I guess I would say you need to detach, yet again! YES!!! I m guessing you were there when you thought you were getting divorced, but then he managed to pull you back in. So, I think you need to get back on the D path again. But this time, don't listen to he pleading and begging. And if he gets mean? Well, is that who you want back? No way!!! At this point I would tel him that if he really wants a relationship with you it is going to START after you are divorced, and he can prove to you that he deserves another chance. Good idea... love it! Stick around, you'll get support here! I'm going to make sure Amy knows you are here. She been through crap (as you know) but she is still Amy! I've been thinking about Amy a lot! Can't wait to hear from her!!
It sounds like you have done a lot of growing up, and your H is still the same little boy he was when you were first here! Is this still with the same OW? Yes, same OW Not that it really matters. Is he still driving a truck, and never at any known spot? No he's living downstate PA, he is working in a restaurant now and he has said he was living with his Grandma, but aparently he is living with the OW...soooo...
There is one thing about you showing up every year or so.... I can really see how much you've grown up each time! Stick around this time, ok?
I am really glad to hear you sounding so much better! I've sent smoke signals to Amy, but the weekend is always the trickiest time to get her attention, especially when she is struggling. I think it may be good for her that you are here! There's a turnaround!
And look who is giving advice! You are growing up, you H, well, not so much, I think. I think I said that before, probably when you were Emily 21 and Emily 22! Just so I remember, without looking back, there was some violence, or at least the threat of it, wasn't there?
Hi Emily, I have been on here on awhile myself, but I don't think we've crossed paths before. I don't really have any great advice, but wanted to let you know you aren't alone. My XH got OW pregnant while we were still married also. I found out about the pregnancy on the divorce date and the baby was born a few weeks ago (6 months after our divorce). There's no doubt this all sucks, but you'll make it. You sound like a strong woman and your life is going to be good again. Take care of yourself and your girls.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
