Clarication: This is her step mother-in-law which is even worse because this lady had spent her whole life trying to get W to like her and take the place of her mother. If W says the moon is made of cheese S-MIL says I had some of that cheese last night and it was great stuff. Totally full of [censored].
Well, what a letter indeed. Sorry you found it and had to endure the emotional blow of reading it. Yes, we can rationalize how we might expect this from in-laws but reading it still hurts. Anyone reading such things about themselves would be hurt.
I concur that you must not respond. Let go of the things you cannot control. I don't see any good whatsoever for you in responding--no good at all on any level. Vent here, or to others in your personal life. You won't change anyone's mind by responding, and might do/say something that could bite you in the D. Even something that sounds benign might get interpreted later in ways you never meant. So don't even go down the road. Keep your head up, keep finding joy for yourself when/where you can, keep feeling the pain when it hurts, and keep believing that you are a good and worthy person who has and will continue to have a good life no matter what happens to you. Do not resist the situation as it is; learn from it and stay away from W and any of her family. They are not your friends right now, and may never be again.
It was shocking to read this. People who so shorthly ago were your family that loved you so dearly. This same lady once stated to me that "the people you love the mostly will hurt you the most". I never understood that statement and kinda thought it was a shitty way to look at things. Well guess what, I fully understand this now. I am feeling less and less emotion for her everyday and starting to really not care what she is doing or saying. She is always looking for an arguement and she ain't getting one from me. I'm out.
That letter was the words of a person that has thier own serious issues. You never read it OK . It should give you at least the information that you need to be very cautious of your MIL and avoidance would be the right tactic , if you do see her be plesant but do not get into any personal stuff. It could hurt.
1. Move out of the house ASAP. 2. After moving out of the house - "go dark for at least 1 month." 3. Stop paying all bills. 4. Instruct your lawyer that your objective is to "BREAK" your W by any means possible. No more Mr. Nice guy, you are not the red cross, you are now at WAR. 5. Absolutely no contact with W - no text, no email, no voice.
Several weeks ago, I accepted the fact that I was divorcing my W and we are now at War. I have come at her with everything in my power. I have heard from other people that she is close to being "broken."
Attack & pull back... attack and pull back... attack and pull back. It will drive her insane.
My lawyer commented the other day... "You will not be happy until she is left naked on the street with nothing but a burlap bag."
My response.. "That's the plan. I am no longer paying you for advice. Just do what I tell you to do. We are going to F this chick up."
Umm, I am speechless at the above advice! Where to start. Firstly, it would be stupid to leave your home without a SA in place, it can put your access to the kids at risk, talk to your lawyer rather than listen to Fish. Secondly, I cannot fathom what could possibly be gained by "breaking" the woman who will be mothering your children. Is a war really what you want? How would such a strategy effect your kids? Again, idiotic advice. If separation is in the cards then try to do so in as above board a fashion as you can. More depends on your choices than the momentary thrill of petty vengeance. Grow up Fish!
Fish, you have had to much oxygen in your gills. In NJ it is prety straight forward what she is going to "GET". I am looking for a house but it will take a while and I am somewhat comfortable in the house. I am very dark right now. I love being around my kids and staying in the house. My kids are my whole world, I don't care about money or revenge. I care first very much for my kids and second my wife (I don't know where I fit in the priority list but it is somewhere in the middle). She is not around much anyway. I have three kids and they come first. If I can keep the tension level as low as possible thru this very difficult time that would be best. I don't want to break my wife, I think she is somewhat broken up over this very difficult desicion she is making and I need a whole mother for my lovely kids. As a matter of fact I would like to put her together again as much as possible.
Team, I will not respond to the letter or let anyone know I have read it but I am sure "they" are reading this now and know I have seen it. My initial thought was to send a note telling her(Step Mother in Law) how much I loved her, what a wonderful influence she and her family have had on my life and thank her for that. I want her to know how much I enjoyed housing her son, getting to know him, for 18 months when he was down and out and what a joy and learning expierence that was for me and my family. I wanted her to know how much I will miss them for we spent so much wonderful time with them each summer, I really enjoyed my father in law for he was like a father to me, a father that I never really had. I wanted to say I was sorry for where my W and my relationship had gone and let her and her family know that I love my W very much and will always be there for her. I do believe these people loved me very much, or at least that is what they told me as early as April 4th (my brother in law). BUT I will not write this letter because you guys said not to and my Psyc said no response what so ever would be best.
