(PLEASE HELP with your ideas. Some of you may know me from the Surviving forum; you can find my previous threads there)
Seems that I have been in an overall downward drift the past few weeks. I feel like I am running out of time, and the frustration and anxiety are growing. This can't be how it all ends. This isn't how it is supposed to be.
Another tearful encounter in the driveway. More stonewalling, saying it is done, he doesn't want to try. The more passive I get, the more aggressive he is. The same event unfolds, like we have rehearsed it. His parents bring me back to the house, while he punches my car before peeling out of the drive.
I feel like this is life or death; to give up is to give up my very being. To be without him... How do I convey this to him? How does he not understand? I know he cares, that he loves me--he calls back, he stays even when I am like this.
But he is not in love with me anymore. He is in love with someone else (he has been with her since at least 7/06; I got the bomb 11/06). He doesn't want to reconcile. I feel so hopeless.
I want there to be some way to reach him.
Yes, I can move on and find moments of happiness, but it will never be the same. They will be fleeting, and tainted with what is missing, the void within me. He will always be the father of my children, the one I pledged to love for as long as I shall live. I will live the rest of my days under the shadow of that. I don't think I can face that. Any happy moments just bring up the pain that is always there, the stark contrast. The kids compound my failure--I needed to fix this for me, but also for them.
Proposals are on the table. The divorce can be final in a month. Dear God, please help me. Either take away my love and need for him, or open his heart to the possibility that our marriage is worth an attempt.
If he agrees to go, he will join me in my long-term therapy session this Saturday. Is there anything that I can say to make him reconsider?
I am hoping to bring prayers and hopes for another chance with me from friends and family for him to see.
Donna, I know the pain you feel. A lot of us do. Here's the cold, hard truth...you are NOT IN CONTROL of the situation, and you CAN'T be. I know you feel like your in a countdown. I've been there. Do not try to think of last ditch words, or efforts to save your marriage. Acting out of desperation just makes you look...well desperate. Looking desperate will drive a man away faster than you can blink. You HAVE to let it go. You have to give it to God, because He's the only one who can fix it (heal your heart, heal your husband). The longer you hold on, the further down you drag things. For the sake of your kids, who need a healthy mom, with a healthy outlook, turn it over the God. Divorce isn't death. It also doesn't mean the end. A lot of people re-marry their original spouses after a divorce. Whatever God decides is your direction, is where he will take you. And, no matter what, it will be OK living in His will, because if I don't know anything...I know that MY GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF ME.
1Peter 5:7 says "Cast all your anxiety of Him, because he cares for YOU."
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
I am sorry to see that you are still hurting so much. as the above post says you cant control what he does so It will only hurt you to try. What you have been doing does not work and only ends up hurting more. You really have to find a way to look after yourself and move on now. Not easy but its the only way .
Donna, I understand where you are comeing from, but you have to stop pursuing him. If you feel you have to do something, the best advice I can give you is to start by just trying to be his friend. It seems your H's mind is set on what he wants. This mindset IMHO comes from his perception of how you were, are, and will be. Once you truly show him that you can just be good friends, you will have a solid basis for re-connecting (sometimes you won't have to try, it can happen along the way.) Don't let him see you hurt. Go out and GAL! Put your life in God's hands. He will comfort and guide you through this. Rememmber, you have to go through tough moments sometimes in order to learn, strenghthen, and change youself to become the person that God has intended for you to be. Once I realized this it helped me tremendously. Keep your head up, we'll all be praying for you!
