Thread locked...wow..never thought I would see that happen to me..
Thank you for all your support, guys. Good to see God working in your lives and turning them around.
JMC, thanks for checking in again. Glad to see you..I was hoping your sitch was going better than mine, but its looks like we are in the same boat here.
I guess I could say "the right thing" isnt necessarily what we should get, but what we need to get, even if its wrong..like Michele says with the 180s. I got a call from W tonight for her to say nothing more than this..
W: Hi Me: Hi, how are you? W: good, just got up and tired (she works third shifts) Me: So whats up? W: nothing, so where are you at? Me: doing laundry halfway through W: oh, you are at your mom's? Me: yeah W: oh, so you will be another hour or so... Me: yes, probably W: okay..
From there, it was a little joking around about her waking up and such, about a ten minute convo. I dont get it..why call me? Did her BF have his cell turned off?
I was very cordial, but nothing else. I guess this the faith testing grounds. I heard Satan looks to prey more on the believers than non-believers....I am starting to realize that. Now, I am trying to completely dissect and evaluate which is God and which is the devil...
Here is a kicker I found out, but unbeknownest to W: This lawyer outfit she found to settle the D for $200...that fee is the minimum fee to do the job. But the downside is that it can take months to complete, now this is an uncontested D. The more money we shell out to them, the faster D is finalized.
Kinda reminds you of the IRS at tax refund time..eh?
I guess Im reminded of that Rolling Stones song:
You can't always get what you want But if you try sometimes, you just might find You get what you need
Hi Chevalle - yes, we do appear to be in a similar boat. However, my W has not called me for idle chat since last summer (save one or two witty emails). Most other interactions have been for a reason associated with the pending D or related to our adult daughter. That is wierd that your W would call you for that conversation. Interesting thoughts on Satan, and I have heard similar statements.
Regarding being cordial, I have told many of my friends/family who have suggested other tacts that I will take the high road as best as I can. I do not want to get down the road and wish I had not acted like an a$$ during this trying time of my life.
On the matter of friends and family, last night I told one good-intentioned yet pushy friend that I have gotten a lot of 'advice' from a lot of people who either have no legal experience in the area or have never experienced this drama - essentially telling him that although I appreciate his concern, I do not think his understanding of how I should respond is in line with how the courts really work. I am getting tired of the whole process and want it to be over and move on.
The Stones have always been one of my favorite bands and I think of that song occassionally. I laugh sometimes as I used to be experienced in caligraphy and had that exact verse written in script in my locker door during senior year.
Me: 48 Ex-W: 45 M: Nov '96, together since Oct 93 Bomb: on 10-yr anni - Nov '06 OM Separated: mid-Feb '07 Divorced mid-July '08 One daughter - 28 XW living w/OM
Yes, JMC. understood....I guess you could say Im to the point now, that I miss my W, but only when its convenient for me too. That might not make sense, but I think it means Im only putting signifigance on this when I feel lonely.
Im not a jealous person, never was, and W wouldnt let me be anyway...(one of her many pet peeves). But I feel close to that in regards to being pissed that she found someone so easily, and here I sit alone..but I know Im not ready anyway for that.
Well, W got the preliminary papers for D today. She was showing me them. I guess she wants me to say we have S for 2 years..(we have only been S for 16 months)..I guess so its cheaper and faster. Im okay though. Felt good and I was calm.
W also informed me that OM is soon to move in. Well, knew it was going to happen sooner or later. I just cant understand how she thinks this guy is right for her. They have only been up each others asses for 3 weeks now. Go on a date, then never go a day without seeing each other since...and now she ready to file and move OM in..
Some things are just too weird for me...I couldnt basically move some girl in after only three weeks of dating them, let alone move him in with three kids..
Oh well, my kids seem to be safe with him..thats what important.
Well, W got the preliminary papers for D today. She was showing me them. I guess she wants me to say we have S for 2 years..(we have only been S for 16 months)..I guess so its cheaper and faster. Im okay though. Felt good and I was calm.
W also informed me that OM is soon to move in. Well, knew it was going to happen sooner or later. I just cant understand how she thinks this guy is right for her. They have only been up each others asses for 3 weeks now. Go on a date, then never go a day without seeing each other since...and now she ready to file and move OM in..
Some things are just too weird for me...I couldnt basically move some girl in after only three weeks of dating them, let alone move him in with three kids..
Oh well, my kids seem to be safe with him..thats what important.
God Bless
Chevelle
Chevelle,
It sounds like you are doing well all things considered.... I think you need to focus on the children and GALing.... Things will work out and you will feel like you are back to "normal" someday.....
I would just see this an opportunity to step back, work on your R with God, work on yourself and think about what YOU really want out of life....
I would also think about what you're looking for in a future mate... It is REALLY wild..... God totally sent a woman who met all of my needs.... and my wants..... He is so faithful!
No_More_Dodo
"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last --more than passion or even sex!" - Simone Signoret
Just wanted to say that I recently skimmed through your threads and found them very helpful. I'm on a speeded up version of a somewhat similar sitch. W wants to get D fast so she can be with OM, so I'm learning how to detach with love as fast as I can to keep my sanity. W just hit the sleeve-tugging, let's-be-friends stage.
Anyway, just wanted to say hello and thanks for posting!
Not easy, is it? Just dont rush, my friend. If its meant to be, it will happen and you will be better off detaching in your time and not trying to do it on hers. As far as the "friends" stage...some of is guilt, so watch your back and dont become a doormat. Set some boundaries for yourself and dont be at her beckoned call.
"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last --more than passion or even sex!" - Simone Signoret
Well, actually pretty good...I just wish I could completely lose my feelings for STBXW, but I know that will probably never happen..
Other than that, I have been dating here and there. Nothing too major, refuse to jump into anything since I am at a point i enjoy being alone right now. Don't know if its a comfort zone or just numbness, But I am okay in my skin anyway.
Still hurts to see her and OM getting along like I never existed. Now they no longer see me as a threat, we actually get along really well now. Funny though, I still see him as I was before I changed my ways...hope he doesnt screw up..lol.
I have settled into what I guess you could say is my new life now. I have been blessed by God in that so many have embraced me and let me know numerous times about wonderful I am and have become.....I am a humble and modest man, but it definitely feels good..lol.
So the power of God continues on in me and hope it grows each day. My D papers are sent and should be finalized within the next 9 weeks or so....sigh, that still kills me, but I gotta press on..
Thanks for the holler, and hope all is well with you.
