Just finished Divorce Busting and the book helped a lot. The problem is that back in January my wife was asking for a separation and I smothered her and did not give her space. I pushed her away and now we have divorce papers filed and they will be done six weeks or so from now. After reading divorce busting and marriage fitness I see what I did wrong. Pretty much all of the begging, pleading, crying, blaming, bargaining, checking up on her activites, calling her friends...you name it I've done it! I still want to stop my divorce but it sure feels hopeless. At first she said she "hoped" her feelings would change. Now she says she does not even "hope" anymore. Over the last three weeks there is OM invloved too.
A littel background on us....we were married at age 20 after the birth of our first son. We have three children now b12, b9 and g6. I feel like our problem has alwyas been that we have never been a couple so I think mmy wife is going through both Walk away wife and MLC at the same time.
Please ask questions for more background info and I would be happy to answer the questions. Thanks.
What should I be doing now if I don't want to give up?
M 31 W 30 S 12 S 10 D 5
Bomb Jan 1 Sep Feb 1 Seeing OM Feb 10 Divorce Papers Given to Her 03/20....returned signed 4-9....she wants it as of now.
Seperated here also, for almost 2 months. The chances are the OM was around before 3 weeks ago. At least in my deal, the OM crap plays a big role. it's amazing how all your faults come out when a spouse finds OM/W. Back way off , nothing you can to do to stop her Affair. Just worry about yourself, the kids, your job and your LIFE. For now as hard as it is , I fight it alot. For now let her go do her thing.
I understand that as the stategy, the bad thing is that my divorce papers are in process. I will be divorced in 8 weeks at the latest. I guess if I really care I need to just not worry about the divorce papers and just continue with my life and let her continue hers. If she is meant to come back she will. They are only papers after all.
M 31 W 30 S 12 S 10 D 5
Bomb Jan 1 Sep Feb 1 Seeing OM Feb 10 Divorce Papers Given to Her 03/20....returned signed 4-9....she wants it as of now.
Sorry you're finding yourself here. It's a tough situation to be in, but you'll get some great support and advice here. Have you also posted in Newcomers? I'd recommend that as well as this forum as you'll get lots of different perspectives.
If you've read DB, you know about goal-setting and 180s. Are you also implementing the LRT? Your focus should, as you rightly say, be on yourself. When you interact with W, be friendly, upbeat and happy. She will need space and time to start taking steps back, but it can be done (read the success stories in newcomers for hope). I know it's hard, but try not to focus on OM. If your W is MLC, OM is a panacea for her pain
And keep posting.
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart. And you'll never walk alone.
Jerry, 8 weeks is a long time and anything can happen. Take it one day at a time because you cant change yesterday and you can't predict tommorow. Are the two of you still living together? If you are not doing it already... you must consider a 180! Also, affair's almost always run their course within a couple of months, and a MLC will end too.
