Does anyone just let it out ????

[kikifree]

Hi All. I took a long needed break from this board.

I have been very vocal lately about everything to H. basically I am sick of his crap.

It is hard when you have children and have to accept that these parents are the way they are.

H and i had a few words the past couple of weeks.

Needless to say, I am just letting out what I need to let out.

H plays the game where he will call dozens of times to talk to D7, but when I do answer he stops calling.

It is all so tiring.

While , i am on the boards i criticize myself and watch evry move I make.

Well, I just let it all out the past couple of weeks and it felt good.

H hasnt reacted angry but distant.

H came to her game last Saturday and he sat by himself with his head in his hands.

We do not speak ....again.

He took D7 to eat at the restaurant OW works at, as a waitress, the night before.

I did not know they were still together. h said on Valentines day he did not know how she was doing and he did not have a Valentine.

so , of course, that threw me on a spin. Honestly, it is hard to accept that they are still together. Mind you, she moved out but they are still together.
I just stated my opinion about everything again..not nicely.

I mean really..I do not exist to this man right now. D7 is almost there. It gets old. It isnt right. It has been three yrs almost.

I guess, Im not so good at this. I really cant offer great dbing advice because i do not think i follow it. Has anyone just let it out on their MLCER ...What did I have to lose..

[kikifree]

I think I am stuck..I am back to get unstuck!!!

[WCW]

Me too. I have been more vocal and it has actually gotten some results for me. Not all positive results, but in my mind it is better than the limbo and the 'suffering' for over 4 years.

I've been pretty decent about tempering my vocalness until early this morning, I didn't do so good but it was still a statement and not a lunatic rant. Sometimes the truth needs to be shown.

If you're ready for the results either way then remember - if what you've been doing doesn't work then do something different.
I get stuck on the interpretation of 'what is working'.

How long do we count baby steps?
Does MLC have baby steps?

Just remember when you're being vocal that they do remember - and insert their own thoughts into the memory to use it against us.

[kikifree]

Me too. I have been more vocal and it has actually gotten some results for me. Not all positive results, but in my mind it is better than the limbo and the 'suffering' for over 4 years.

I've been pretty decent about tempering my vocalness until early this morning, I didn't do so good but it was still a statement and not a lunatic rant. Sometimes the truth needs to be shown.

This is EXACTLY how I feel. I have kept my true feelings to myself because I didnt want to "rock the boat" but how healthy is that for me?

H is really just not being a nice HUMAN. I could understand if the WAH was decent and treated the kids the same as he did before he left. But when someone becomes so negligent are we supposed to sit there and smile? Do I continue holding back what I would say to anyone who was acting that way just because he is in a SELFISH mode. Should I be scared he is going to get upset..mind you I beg him for money and tell him that D7 and I need it to survive and he doesn't flinch.

I told him what I felt.
H made me a single mother. H made me suffer more than I have ever. And he didn't even reach out a hand .

Why did I open my mouth? Well, I have been quiet and accepting and that has got me.????

I have not been true to myself because i was afraid I was going to ruin everything. But HE ruined everything. I trusted him since I was 16. He ABANDONED us. My best friend turned into myy biggest enemy.

Why cant we voice how we feel??If we do it it in a sane manner , why is it BAD to be true to ourselves and actually feel the emotion of anger and hurt??? Why do I have to feel bad when I voice my emotions?


If my child does something wrondg do I smile and just them them do it in my space.

Fine, H wants to be a complete ass , but do I have to accept it in my space???? H has a choice and so do I.

[momof2girls]

Let it out??? YYYYEEEESSSSSSSS!!! I found that when I put H in his place and told him exactly what I thought he would back away and act very distant.

At the time that was fine with me...I would not entertain any conversation except if it dealt with the kids...

I also let him know, quite bluntly about my feelings regarding the OW...I remember telling him very calmly that I hoped and prayed every night that our D's did not marry someone like him. Felt great to say it!!

I also felt very abandoned but it was easier to just not talk to him anymore. I would not allow him to come in the house anymore...I felt like it was an invasion of my space. I would meet him in the driveway.

Fast forward to today...H and I did work things out and H moved home 9 months ago. It is hard work and somedays I wonder if I did the right thing. I do believe he was MLC totally!!

We go to counseling together and have become much more open...all this would not have happened if I just let things slide. H has told me he respects me more today because he realizes how strong I am and was.

So IMO, getting if off your chest is not a bad thing!

[newnamenewlife]

I let it out from time to time and it does make me feel better to let H know what I'm feeling and thinking. I don't think it makes any real difference to him what I do lately. He's just off in his own head, sticking to his IDLYA as the bottom-line explanation for this, that it's not something he can change, etc. He is being a good dad anyway and wants to do what's best for me and the kids--as long as it involves marital separation.

I say let it out once in a while. It's just too hard to rise above this crap all the time.

[kikifree]

Thanks Mom and love my guy..I think it is good to let people know it is ok to let it out.

Whether they hear it or not ...it is not for them.

[kissak]

I think letting it out is good. Why should we keep it all in? They need to know how we feel. I let it out to my H this morning about him not putting the kids first. He apologized to me. Then a couple of hours later he offered to keep the kids on Thursday night, since he was going to have them on Friday anyway....wow, he does have a brain that works sometimes.

[kikifree]

I'm glad you all are posting. It is good to know , especially for the newcomers, it is ok to let it out. Sometimes it feels as if you are doing wrong when you do. i even, get a little nervous posting my "letting it out" since it seems like a No-no at times.

But for almost three years i have been afraid to tell H what kind of person I think he has become. His responses always say something along the line"I know you hate me "

But it isn't hate. It is getting to the point where you realize things.

[kikifree]

Wouldn't it help to be honest about how we feel instead of pretending it is? I read kissak's post and when she told H how she honestly felt, something clicked in his head.


Part of my telling H how I felt was about D7 and his time with her. He couldnt see her for two weeks but miraculously found time for her to spend the night at his house last week.After I told him what a deadbeat he was..in nicer words.