I guess it's time to get to work

[hopeforfuture]

Gimme dat, gimme dat, gimme dat, gimme dat funk!

Hah!!

I read that last line and starting singing! Milo Z is a cool band. Sounds like you guys had a great time.

[Mom of 2 Cherubs]

MICHAEL!!!! i wish we could have gone to see Milo with you!! They are so much fun...you were right down the street and never came by - for shame!!! just kidding.

Glad to hear things are on the mend. Hope to see you all agian soon!

bring it up to level 5, gotta bring it up to level 5....

[LL44]

So instead of me drinking and getting moody and pissed for NO reason, we had a great time and she has been smiling from the moment she first heard the band until she went to bed

Wow, these are such wonderful things to read on your thread!!!! Just popping in to say hey!

[Dr LOve]

Keep it up Mcc,

I need the insperation now....strange days....I almost feel like I am living two lives....
Dr Love

[Michael Mc C]

Okay, I guess I've been away long enough. I have to admit that I have had very little desire to come to these boards anymore - as negative as that sounds, I feel it is a positive. I started coming here out of desperation, I met MANY MANY wonderful and helpful people that showed me the way to get where I am today. And suddenly, when things started going well, I guess I decided I didn't have the need to post any longer.

Quite frankly, as much as I think of others' situations, I find it difficult to actually come and read/post anymore. Maybe it's some twisted guilt thing...

I am going to try to catch up on everyone's threads - especially those who have not made it to piecing yet.

Just some quick recaps from northern NJ:
1) Wife has thanked me for sticking to my guns
2) Wife begans saying ILY about 2 weeks ago
3) We have had some very intimate moments, mostly kissing and cuddling.

We are not 100%. Hell, we may not be 50%. Things are moving forward though. I will not settle for the status quo IF the status quo is as far as we are going to get. We both understand there is a lot of work to do but at times I feel she is dragging her feet. I try to look at things from her perspective and that usually helps. Actually, what really helps, is when either of us have a concern about something, we bring it up in conversation and we talk about it.

thanks again to everyone!

[Michael Mc C]

Hey all. Still sticking around but I don't get on the board much these days.

My wife and I have had some very intimate moments (ML x 3 since about 2 weeks ago). The spontaneous ILY's have decreased a little but they are there from time to time. I always get the ILY2's if I initiate though.

Kissing/Hugging has decreased a bit too, although she does catch me by surprise sometimes still. Again, if I initiate they are returned.

So, time for some overanalysis on what MAY be happening:
1) We may be losing touch again and the "spark" is fading.
2) The intimacy we've had was "forced" by my wife in order to try to feel like a "normal" husband and wife again.
3) My wife still has trust issues regarding my intentions and is trying to keep me at arms length
4) She is uncomfortable initiating ILY's and physical contact because of a perception that maybe I will turn her away
5) I feel that if I initiate too much, she will feel smothered

I guess the only real way to discover the answer is to talk to her about it.

I also have to say that over the past 6 weeks or so I've rediscovered my romantic side and have provided, in my opinion, some of the romance she had once complained was lacking (candles and flowers in the bathroom when she got home from school, a couple notes left in various locations, a very open and heartfelt note on Mother's day, strawberries and melted chocolate while she takes a bath... I'm not Don Juan but I'm certainly putting in an effort).

The "trouble" is that she doesn't react the way I would like her to. She tells me it's very nice, very thoughtful, she says "wow" and I know she's happy with it. It's just that something feels like it's missing. Maybe a kiss, maybe a hug. Maybe I'm expecting too much too soon. She was excited about the bath with the flowers and candles, she told me that she had read the note from Mother's day 3 times... something just doesn't feel right.

Finally, she told me a couple weeks ago that she does not always feel that I love her but that instead I love the sex. I admit that a lot of my comments HAD been sexually oriented towards her leading up to her comments. We both agreed at that point that this was an unfortunate byproduct of how we used to treat each other. I do believe that there is some hesitation on her part to become fully 'engaged' in a marriage with me until I can show her that it is HER that I love. This is what I have been trying to do.

[hopeforfuture]

Mike,
Have you read the 5 Love Languages book? Maybe you show your love through the physical intimacy. Maybe the book would help her to understand that.

[Michael Mc C]

You know, I meant to pick that up quite a while back. I first heard about it on Frank_D's thread and then a few times after (Rob1231 and I think from you as well).

My wife and I, I am beginning to understand, react lovingly to different things. It seems however, that she reacts to multiple "languages" at times and then to NO languages at other times.

Reading the book will probably help me sort this out and very likely help her to understand me a little more.

We are going to NC on Friday for our annual trip to the beach. I have to admit that I was NOT expecting to be where we are now when this time of year came around. If for nothing else I'm glad we are going as a family AND that we are in a far more positive position than we were in the beginning of the year.

Thanks HFF. I hadn't thought about that book in quite a long time.

[Michael Mc C]

Almost a year later and I'm sorry to say that I'm back. I'm not sure which forum I should be in at this point but for now, Piecing seems to work.

My wife and I have had some major setbacks over the past few months and once again we are on the rocks. I just re-read my posts on this thread and I'm amazed by how things have degraded.

I find myself bouncing from hopeful to ready to throw in the towel.

Although I'm not prepared to get into all the details right now, I do have to say that I wish I took Frank_D's advice about fixing myself. Issues from the past do, unfortunately, continue to haunt those LBS's and it seems my inability to get over the hurt in a "timely manner" has pushed my wife away once more.

[hopeforfuture]

Hey Michael,
Sorry to see you are back on here. I haven't checked out posts on here for a few weeks and when I am on, it's only to follow the threads of a few folk.

My situation has not improved at all. LOL. We actually finalized the big D two weeks ago, so I am back to officially single.

Give me a call sometime. Maybe we can do Mr. Sushi again.