Lost need advice!

[zuma]

I am currently separted since Christmas Day. Three months prior to that my wife who is a attourney returned after a 3 weeks business trip and informed me that she did not love me anymore and did not miss me while she was away. We went day to up till Christmas when I left the house angry when she continued to distance herself from me for the three month period. In the beginning I would cry and try to talk to her about the separation and wanted her to go to couseling. The only answers I would get is that she did not know at this time. She has told me that I am too needy and insecure and that she was tired of coming home to stress and is now happier than she has been in a long time now that I am out of the house. I have been going to counseling for about 6 weeks and she still has not mentioned or talked to me about our marriage. I have given her space but it has been extremely difficult. I still take care of the kids everyday afterschool till she gets home and then I leave to be alone in my apartment. She is even taking the kids to Coasta Rica along with her mother and sister without me this spring break. I have stopped persuing her and calling her. She has not reponded to anything that I have tried. If anyone has any ideas please respond. I am scared to bring up talking about us at all for fear of pushing her. I also fear by not confronting this it may be easier for her to move on. I am desparate to save my marriage and keep my family together but even after reading Divorce Remedy...I am afraid that she has already made up her mind but she does not talk to me about us only kids and schedules. She has not mentioned Divorce but in the beginning she only would say if you push me for an answer right now you would not like my answer. It hurts me when I am around her and she appears to act like everything is happy and ok....

Help,
zuma

[sgctxok]

Hi Zuma,

Welcome to divorcebusting.com! I'm so sorry that you are in this situation....but I'm glad you found us. All is not lost.

I'm glad you've read Divorce Remedy. I assume you've read 'The Last Resort Technique'. That is where you are.

I have been going to counseling for about 6 weeks and she still has not mentioned or talked to me about our marriage.

I am scared to bring up talking about us at all for fear of pushing her.

Something you don't want to do is have relationship talks with her. They are not likely to go well, and the more often you have those negative conversations, the more the negative stuff gets into their mind. What you want to do is create more positive times.

Btw--are you in counseling together.....and is your counselor pro-marriage?

I also fear by not confronting this it may be easier for her to move on.

Ignore that fear. Confronting her will make it worse.

I have stopped persuing her and calling her

For how long?

I am desparate to save my marriage and keep my family together but even after reading Divorce Remedy...I am afraid that she has already made up her mind but she does not talk to me about us only kids and schedules. She has not mentioned Divorce but in the beginning she only would say if you push me for an answer right now you would not like my answer. It hurts me when I am around her and she appears to act like everything is happy and ok....

She can probably detect that desperate feeling. So you want to try to improve things but don't push her, don't ask her.....don't go overboard. The MORE you do, the more it will likely backfire.




Now, TO DOs:

What were the things she is unhappy about with your marriage?

What do you both do DIFFERENTLY now than when you were 'in love'?



Make a list of the things that are going RIGHT.

Make a list of your strengths.



What is your wildest guess of what you could do to make her happy? (don't necessarily do it yet)



Take heart. All is NOT lost.