Thanks for posting your suggestion that maybe I reach out to H - cause you are right I dont have much to lose. I'm thinking about it, but I have found patience and can wait a long time before making a move now!! There is a slight pattern that H only goes 3 weeks before there is some small amount of contact. I was hoping that after our last exchange the gap between contact might narrow, but this is week 2 so obviously not yet.
I'm extremely hesitant to initiate any contact because when I look back on our relationship whenever I made a step towards him he seemed to take two backwards. If we are going to have a new relationship he is going to need to invest in the relationship (otherwise I'm not interested), not just be along for the ride. And I do really really believe that he has got to sort his problems out for himself, instead of relying on me to fix them for him - so I'm happy to wait and give him the space to do that.
I think that I have been very good DB-ing the last times we've talked, and I never said anything negative or that would have been pressure, I've just kept everything light and friendly. There are plenty of excuses H could use to contact me if he wanted to (e.g. I know he is still paying my health insurance every month, and he knows he has stuff here that he needs to pick up) but he is obviously choosing not to. And he has proved that he is physically capable of texting me just to check how I am, so i trust that he can do that again in the future if he wanted to.
Right those are all my reasons to help me stick out no contact for another 2 weeks. If I haven't heard anything then i will send him a little text about the health insurance.
Unfortunately nothing juicy again for my post! Just waiting, waiting, waiting!
IMHO I belive you are making the right move. When they leave it's because they don't want to be around us. I wish I had gone much darker when W and I first seperated.
When you do have contact with him try to bundle any issues you need to discuss together (insurance, finances, etc.) to keep contact to a minimum. Be confident, happy, busy.
P.S. What the heck is it about this seven year thing?!?
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
You go, girl!! I am definitely realizing myself that my B probably needs to sort out his own stuff before anything will happen between us. So... another bit of darkness it is, for both of us!
Love the "juicy little text about health insurance" part... you are such a witty one!!
Hey Essie..so we're nearly at 3 weeks now...and there is a Full Moon on Friday night (they shift things!)...do you think he will contact you this week/weekend, and if he doesnt, have you made a plan of what you will do, whether you will contact him or not and how you would go about it?? I'm curious!
Ali xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
I've seen you wandering the boards today so thought I'd post on yur thread. How are you doing? I'm thinking of you, future-girl! Let me know how you're getting on.
(((Essie)))
L.xx
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart. And you'll never walk alone.
Essie, I have never posted to you before but I wanted to say I admire your strength and by having NC will help you grow as a person.
I did what you did. I stayed as dark as possible when children are involved and believe me, I think it helped save my marriage. My H has since told me that he wondered all the time what I was doing and was "getting nervous" that I "seemed" to be enjoying myself.
MY H LIVED FOR MY TM'S GOT ALL DEPRESSED WHEN I DIDNT ANSWER FOR DAYS
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
(((sleeper, transformer, ali, OD, Kalni, Tree, momof2, a new 2morro and all other lurkers!)))
Well T had a bit of a break-through with BF initiating some contact, and I did too today!! Lets hope it comes in 3's and one of you are going to have a break-through too! Its crazy when you think you can't go any longer without some contact and then he rings!
H left a message on my phone about some building work he needs to do at the property I live at (but Mum & Dad own). I called him back when I got home from work and we chatted for 1/2 an hour.
He always sounds so crappy to start with, but when I'm smiling and happy he loosens up. I laughed heaps and was pretty funny so I'm pleased with my performance.
I dont think he has made any giant strides in re-considering his position though. He let me know that he has been out drinking, smoking and partying lots much to the disgust of his mum (I just laughed and said something like good for you - no mention of other girls but I'm sure they are around.... - at least he is mindful of my feelings not to mention them directly - that's a baby step in itself).
He talked about how he could rent the other house Mum & Dad own that is about 100 meters away from mine, or if I moved out of my house he could move in here. I just laughed and said I didnt think so! So he's missing our house (we rennovated it together). Is missing the house one step more than missing my sister's dog?
He said that about a month ago he went to visit his aunty and uncle and had a nice time but on his last day they really questioned what he was doing, and asked him about "stuff" (which I think meant stuff to do with me). His aunty and uncle are lovely people but quite religious and conservative, so I'm guessing that they might have given him the 3rd degree. And I think that it might have made him felt pressured - and hence why he has had no contact with me for the longest stretch.
He also mentioned his mum hassling him and telling him he needs to go to church.
I think I did a good job of being a safe haven and accepting tonight. I was pretty cool and supportive (he has no idea how much energy it takes). So hopefully he will feel safer with me and like I'm not judging him even if his family are?!?!
Unfortunately I'm not quick or saucy enough to think of casually dropping in corset fittings or tassles. I really dont know how to create those kind of openings!!
Thank you all for reading - its lovely to get if off my chest, to people who understand!
