You know, it was always peanut that made me feel like FS. I had to break his stuff w...a...y... down to get it. But it was worth it!
Like your last few posts Andy. I'm glad for you guys.
Yeah, Andy gives me (beautiful) quotable quotes and I offer gorrilla suits...sounds fair to me . Hey, whatever works as long as it's not harmful right?
Just getting ready to punch off. Sorry, I couldn't leave Rayanne's suggestion go.
Cause I pondered that same thing. It's the automatic reaction that a bazillion of us have even done ourselves right?
Which is why I think it might be more of the same. To me, it would speak volumes if he just did it and didn't say anything about her...which would be really hard but might make an impression.
Don't know and certainly not dogging Rayanne at all. Just in case it sounds like it. Just thinking in another direction. Later, if she really doesn't do anything, you can always say "hey there - I'm not getting better so you don't have to ".
Last night, I found out what the “issue” that W told me about two weeks ago was.
According to W, the issue is what is preventing her from desiring me. Intellectually, she accepts it, but her feelings towards me are affected regardless. She also stated her lack of desire for me is our only outstanding problem, but admitted it was a biggy. I took some comfort from this since she’s previously stated that she didn’t miss “it.” Before, it was my problem, but it seems like it’s ours now. Having said that, there’s nothing I can do about it (sigh).
We discussed it. I clarified some misconceptions, and there’s nothing else I can do. It involves her feelings, and whatever I’ve done, I can’t unring the bell. She wants to – dare I say it – bury the past, but what goes through her mind is totally out of my control, and not completely in her control.
She did say that, “At least we can talk about it.”
Once the mother of all OR talks was over, she expressed a lot of concern about how I felt. She kept asking, “Are you OK?” Frankly, I wasn’t, but for once, I didn’t have to hide the fact.
Feelings are feelings. Logic doesn’t enter into it. We can use certain techniques to try to overcome them (e.g.: cognitive therapy), but regardless of how much PMA she can muster, it’ll take time. The same goes for me.
For those who have expressed concerns about the health issues, I have a doctor’s appointment. Don’t know what W is doing, but… one issue at a time. I’m not going to stir the pot while she has this other thing to hash out.
ANS, I'm going to take a little time off the board. It's getting a little too stressful. If you ever feel like talking, email me at rayannejef@worldemail.com.
Before, it was my problem, but it seems like it’s ours now. Having said that, there’s nothing I can do about it (sigh).
At least she is willing to concede that any problems you have are joint problems for the relationship. However, unless you are totally disgusting, I cannot see how her lack of desire could not in reality be emotionally only her problem. It only becomes your problem because you have to deal with it and react to it. She is the one who is going to have to gain control of her own emotions. She still wants to escape any personal responsibility by implying that you are somehow the whole cause. Of course, we know that the causes of problems are never one-sided. But, you are right, you cannot control her thought and feelings for her. She is eventually going to have to come to some semblence of rationality and objectivity before she can honestly assess the situation.
quote: Feelings are feelings. Logic doesn’t enter into it. We can use certain techniques to try to overcome them (e.g.: cognitive therapy), but regardless of how much PMA she can muster, it’ll take time. The same goes for me.
She’s not there yet, but it seems like she has a desire to get things resolved even if she seems a bit hesitant to follow through at this point. My impression as an outside observer is that things may still be a bit painful but she is gradually beginning to face things with some needed rationality even though it seems to you that things are all on an emotional level. Things definitely seem to be changing for the better.
I know the twisted feeling in the pit of your stomach as you go through these painful times in piecing your marriage back together. But in the long run, I think you might be getting the first glimpses of the “light at the end of the tunnel” (a phrase we have spoken of before).
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. Hey, whatever works as long as it's not harmful right?
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