Ok first of all I just managed to lose this entire post after typing it
I think yesterday I did everything to plan. It is too bad that it feels twice as lonely. Hopefully, if it works it will be worth it in the long run.
I had a good day with D4 yesterday, it was the last day of her March break and my day off. I had told her I would take her to the Veggie Tales movie but they flipped movies since it was Friday and it wasn't on, I told her we could go to Horton but she didn't want to. So we went to the mall and tried on Easter dresses and then I took her to lunch and she had her haircut, she decided she wanted it short like mommy's. It was a nice afternoon although yesterday I was feling kind of fragile. Everytime I got in the car I had a few tears, but, later in the evening everytime I felt down I thought of her little face when the hairdresser was spraying her with water and it made me smile.
H came home from work and I had picked up a pizza. He knew I was and hadn't asked for anything different. He mentioned a few times that he would have liked something with it. After we were done eating he got up and went over to the computer, normally I would sit with him. I got up and went to the couch and layed down. Mentioned I was going to lie there a few minutes then go in and take a bath. He got up from the computer and came over and talked a little about work. I listened but didn;t really add anything to the conversation. Then he started his nightly ritual, so what are "you" doing tomorrow night? I think "I" might go out and not come back till Monday morning. (this would never happen but just part of this game) I said I am not starting this again tonight. What? I am just asking what your plans are? Again, I am not starting this again tonight. I think I'll go take my bath. Went and took my bath, read a bit of After the Affair that I just picked up. When I got out he had fallen asleep in the chair. I put D4 to bed and read her a story. Turned off all the lights and went to our room to watch tv. He came in a few hours later and said, I can't believe you left me out there. Told him I would have got him up before I went to sleep(not).
I am taking D4 to a princess party of a daughter of a lady at work today. It is right behind H's store mentioned we might stop in after. He sent a text this morning saying not to stop in as it is a "bad scene".
GOOD JOB!!! Now THAT is how you avoid the R talks!
I think if you could pull off even ONE WEEK of this, your husband would go nuts. Just be the best mom you can be to that little girl, and work on yourself, and don't jump down into the pit with him.
I actually considered not posting this but then who am I hurting? I have a good idea of why my H thinks I am jeckyll and hyde because I can't stick to this for any period of time.
I went with D4 to the princess party yesterday and it was quite nice. Given that all week H has been carrying on about going out Par-t-ing on Saturday night I arranged for a sleepover at my BIL's house that D has been dying to have. Let H know I had made the arrangements so I was ready to Par - t too. Of course I was told that I was not invited(not sure if he actually even had plans or was just screwing with me as previously discussed. Then he told me he wasn't going out at all as I would probably go"hunt him" I did ask if he wanted to go for a drink togehter. The answer was no.
So I decided that if he wanted me to go out alone so badly I would. I think he thought when he decided to stay home so would I. I really had no where to go but thought I should do something so off I went. I really had in my mind I might go sit at a bar but I have never done that before by myself and really don't know how safe it would be. So I decided to go to the casino a town over. H did contact me on the way to see where I was going, said I wasn't sure. Went in took $100 but only spent about $33 then won $50 back and decided to leave as parking was 10 bucks and I was even. I was there about an hour and a half. When I came out(no signal inside) there were 3 texts from H about 45 minutes old, the first asking if I wanted to meet him at a local restaurant/bar for a drink, the second 10 min later saying I guess not and the third 10 min after that saying U R real cool, since I had not responded. Having no signal is really the only thing that gave me willpower! So upon leaving I decided that meeting for a drink is what I did want to do. I texted him back and he wanted to know where I was, told him casino, he said he would meet me at the bar in 20 min. 20 minutes later he was calling again trying to figure out why I wasn;t there yet, he assumed I was at the local slots. When I met him at the restaurant it turns out he had been driving around town(for no particualr reason...) and noticed a car the same as mine at the restaurant and that is why he asked to meet me there because he had thought he found me(pointed out that he was "hunting"). We stayed about 3 1/2 hours and came home,all recent boundaries blown once again.
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
You're free of course to do whatever you wish with regards to your husband, but I'm afraid I really can't help you. You're all over the map, and you need to decide what it is you want, and what you're willing to do to try to accomplish it.
With all due respect, your husband is playing you, and you're letting him. And he's not going to change until you do.
You're free of course to do whatever you wish with regards to your husband, but I'm afraid I really can't help you. You're all over the map, and you need to decide what it is you want, and what you're willing to do to try to accomplish it.
Hey Neecy,
Don't worry we are all "all over the map" in the begining. I am still and it's been a year. I know what I want but it takes time to get there. Don't worry things will fall into place sooner or later. How ya doing today? beter that yesterday??
Dr LOve
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
You're free of course to do whatever you wish with regards to your husband, but I'm afraid I really can't help you. You're all over the map, and you need to decide what it is you want, and what you're willing to do to try to accomplish it.
I know this, that is why I hesitated to even post but like I said, who would I hurt by just skimming this over. I know what I want and what I am willing to do, I have done more of it in the past week than ever before it is just hard to be 100%, I am getting closer. The old me would have sat home to begin with as soon as he cancelled his plans. Maybe it didn't turn out to be as liberating an experience as it should have but it was something different.
Quote:
Hey Neecy,
Don't worry we are all "all over the map" in the begining. I am still and it's been a year. I know what I want but it takes time to get there. Don't worry things will fall into place sooner or later. How ya doing today? beter that yesterday??
Dr LOve
Thanks, I am glad to see that you have moved to piecing, and I appreciate the support. I am feeling decent today going into work, it is the first weekend in awile that I haven't had a lot of tears.
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
I know how hard it is to do 100%. I am the poster child for all over the place, but I know I feel better about myself and more in control of myself when I can stick to the DB'ing. I'm glad you went out anyway, it feels good to be the hunted and not the hunter for a change.
You know your sitch and how you need to handle it, so you have to do what you have to do. Keep doing what you can, you'll get stronger. One day at a time...
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
I mess up sometimes too, I would think most of us do since we aren't perfect! I agree with grumpy that I do feel better when I stick to DB'ing, but stuff happens. I have learned from my mistakes too, so I think you get better at DBing as time goes by. Karen
)))